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Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
4,409 posts, read 6,548,539 times
Reputation: 6253
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Making friends is a bit rough in the south unless you are into football.
Out of the friends I made in Louisiana, only one native to the area is still my friend today, and he's not happy there. In fact, he's looking forward to moving to Pennsylvania.
Another was a really good friend until his girlfriend came between us. I warned him she was no good and years later it turns out I was right. She left him after their kid was born and treated him like garbage. Now he's a single father on minimum wage. I WARNED him, but what did I get in return? Being accused of being an "intellectual snob trying to lord my book knowledge over him". Which was not only not relevant but also weird as I am, honestly, not any better than average in my intellect.
We caught up online a couple years ago, he apologized. Saly we never truly re-connected because of the distance between us now, but I wish him well.
What I found hardest about making friends in the south is that everybody was friendly, but kept you at arm's length. In many cases it seemed like they did not want to give you a chance to get in any deeper. One time I asked somebody I had gotten to know casually for a year if they wanted to do lunch or something, meet outside of work. They said yes but every time I set it up they suddenly couldn't make it. Dude, just say no.
Whatever the case, I never could figure out what I was doing wrong but whatever it was, I clearly was never accepted there by those I met, save for the one aforementioned fella.
HOWEVER; allow me to damn near contradict myself. I think it's generational, not cultural. A lot of old folks were more than happy to talk to a stranger for hours on end. In fact, some of the greatest conversations I had in Louisiana, were all with somebody in their 60's or older.
One of my better friends in Baton Rouge was a 68 year old black man nick-named Rusty. We met him at the local Jack in the Box and despite the age gap we got to be very good friends very quickly. Unfortunately, I met him in 2006, and he died in 2008. But for that brief time he was one of the nicest people I'd ever known, and he always came off as genuine.
What he always loved about me is that I understood what he said. haha
I agree that you only need a common interest to Start a conversation, but disagree that's all that's needed for a friendship (or that it's easy to find someone with common interest). I also agree that you have to treat someone like a friend for them to be a friend, but that is a 2-way street... one person giving everything does not a friendship make. I have no issues making friends in Other regions of the US, just the SE (hardest) followed by the mid-atlantic. Rockies and PNW, I have no issues at all... but the people are different, just different core values/beliefs.
Those also have zero bearing on the OP, as to perceived friendliness of random people in large areas. These are people to whom you'll not have a shared interest beyond being in the same place at the same time, nor will you have the ability to put forth effort into being a friend (friendly, yes).
All I can tell you is that this native southerner has lived all over the world and found friendly and unfriendly people - and friends, and UN friends, everywhere. Germany, Ohio, Texas, Georgia, Virginia, Japan, you name it.
Smile. Be approachable. Volunteer. Be helpful in general. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. Invest in friendships. You'll have friends.
No matter where you live, you'll always have yourself around. Be sure you're good to have around. Step one but the most critical one.
Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
4,409 posts, read 6,548,539 times
Reputation: 6253
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
All I can tell you is that this native southerner has lived all over the world and found friendly and unfriendly people - and friends, and UN friends, everywhere. Germany, Ohio, Texas, Georgia, Virginia, Japan, you name it.
Smile. Be approachable. Volunteer. Be helpful in general. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. Invest in friendships. You'll have friends.
No matter where you live, you'll always have yourself around. Be sure you're good to have around. Step one but the most critical one.
It's easy to make friends. All you need is a common interest. It's not that difficult to find somebody with a common interest. There are lots of ways for adults from outside of one region of the United States to make friends with adults from another region of the United States. You behave in a respectful manner and treat people the way you would like to be treated, people will like you regardless of where you come from.
I've come to believe that most people have as many friends as they are willing to put forth the effort into being a friend. That's the key right there. Lot's of people don't have many friends because they don't put forth an honest effort into BEING a friend. In order to have a friend, you need to BE a friend, and that's what many adults tend to forget. It takes effort to be a good friend.
Some people have a repulsive personality. They are not willing to look at what they are doing or not doing to make friends. If you show people that you are hateful, then don't be surprised when they act hateful back. Southerners will let you know really quick when your behavior is unacceptable.
People in Louisiana know how to have fun but have killed each other at a higher rate than any other state over the last 28 years in a row.
Well, now that's not good manners.
But Louisiana is always an outlier!
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