Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A relative of mine was having trouble with his college dorm roommate but they really did not talk it out but instead just stopped talking to each other. For a month the two of them shared a 150 square foot room for two and acted like the other person did not exist.
Then one day my relative arrived back from a weekend out of town and the room mate had moved out and now is living in single room down the hall.
While I may not being hearing the whole story the whole thing raised a red flag for me and I thought it was poorly administered by everyone involved.
First off the silent treatment is not going to work to get interpersonal and lifestyle problems solved.
Second, just moving out over the weekend without any type of warning seems like a terribly passive aggressive approach to problem solving.
But finally I was just shocked the housing office at the college would allow a person to move out without any type of mediation, counseling or parental involvement. Back when I was in college I had trouble with a roommate and we had to meet with the resident assistant, head resident, and a counselor at the housing office to try to work out our problems and only after everyone decided it was an impossible situation, then they allowed us to make the change and move into a different dorm room.
I am curious how it works at most colleges when roommates are fighting and want to make a room change? Can it happen without notification of both roommates? Are the parents involved? Is there counseling and mediation from the housing office? How are roommate changes made when roommates can't stand each other?
Why in the world would they want to get the kid's parents involved? And there was a warning; remember the month or two of silence and ignoring each other?The best option was for someone to move.
Scenario A: I hate my roommate and want to move. Okay, we have a single down the hall.
Scenario B: I hate my roommate and want to move. Sorry, we are at capacity. We will have to see what we can work out between you two.
I guarantee you that you are not hearing the whole story. College students are notorious for sharing only the information that they want to share. As you noted, you really don't have any idea what happened or what actions may have been taken by the university prior to this, so please try to keep your shock in check.
The college should have shown the two KIDS that you don't solve interpersonal problems through passive aggressive conflict. You need to talk it out first. And you should not let one person move out unless the other person was notified first and the situation discussed with both parties. Otherwise kids will be taught that you should just avoid all conflict by running from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton
Why in the world would they want to get the kid's parents involved? And there was a warning; remember the month or two of silence and ignoring each other?The best option was for someone to move.
Scenario A: I hate my roommate and want to move. Okay, we have a single down the hall.
Scenario B: I hate my roommate and want to move. Sorry, we are at capacity. We will have to see what we can work out between you two.
I guarantee you that you are not hearing the whole story. College students are notorious for sharing only the information that they want to share. As you noted, you really don't have any idea what happened or what actions may have been taken by the university prior to this, so please try to keep your shock in check.
The college should have shown the two KIDS that you don't solve interpersonal problems through passive aggressive conflict. You need to talk it out first. And you should not let one person move out unless the other person was notified first and the situation discussed with both parties. Otherwise kids will be taught that you should just avoid all conflict by running from it.
The college should have shown the two KIDS that you don't solve interpersonal problems through passive aggressive conflict. You need to talk it out first. And you should not let one person move out unless the other person was notified first and the situation discussed with both parties. Otherwise kids will be taught that you should just avoid all conflict by running from it.
This is something the students have to learn on their own. The college should get involved if the roommates are posting bad things online about each other, or if they become actively hostile, or there is racism involved. Intervention by college admin people will not teach them how to solve their personal problems. Their parents had 18 years to teach them that, after all.
I worked in student housing for a large semi-public school in Philly. Our policy was to have the roommates attempt to live together for about three weeks, and then they could file a room change request. Generally students needed to select a new roommate. We didn't administer singles for room change requests unless there was a demonstrated need and the student would pay the single room rate.
But yes, even "officially" there was no attempt of reconciliation between roommates. One could certainly move out overnight without notifying the other.
We had a girl on our dorm room floor that had chronic problems with roomates. Every roommate she had requested to be transferred after several months, she had gone through about 3, they finally found her a "match" though. and in her case, yes the Univ did get involved because it was chronic.
I still maintain that the college student living in a dorm is not the same as an adult living in an apartment with roommates. They have resident assistants for a reason on each wing of the dorm and their jobs is to help the students adjust to dorm life and difficult roommates.
I still maintain that the college student living in a dorm is not the same as an adult living in an apartment with roommates. They have resident assistants for a reason on each wing of the dorm and their jobs is to help the students adjust to dorm life and difficult roommates.
Right. It is the student's job to seek assistance from the people provided. They do not need their parents settling their issues for them.
A relative of mine was having trouble with his college dorm roommate but they really did not talk it out but instead just stopped talking to each other. For a month the two of them shared a 150 square foot room for two and acted like the other person did not exist.
Then one day my relative arrived back from a weekend out of town and the room mate had moved out and now is living in single room down the hall.
While I may not being hearing the whole story the whole thing raised a red flag for me and I thought it was poorly administered by everyone involved.
Probably not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock
First off the silent treatment is not going to work to get interpersonal and lifestyle problems solved.
Thanks for your opinion. Obviously, for the other student, it did work. Everybody in life isn't going to like you, and maybe you (or your relative) shouldn't be trying for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock
Second, just moving out over the weekend without any type of warning seems like a terribly passive aggressive approach to problem solving.
So?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock
But finally I was just shocked the housing office at the college would allow a person to move out without any type of mediation, counseling or parental involvement. Back when I was in college I had trouble with a roommate and we had to meet with the resident assistant, head resident, and a counselor at the housing office to try to work out our problems and only after everyone decided it was an impossible situation, then they allowed us to make the change and move into a different dorm room.
This isn't you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock
I am curious how it works at most colleges when roommates are fighting and want to make a room change? Can it happen without notification of both roommates? Are the parents involved? Is there counseling and mediation from the housing office? How are roommate changes made when roommates can't stand each other?
If someone doesn't want counseling and isn't a danger to themselves or others, you can't make them go. Not everyone believes in 'mediation' as the answer to all life problems. The fact you do, works for you. The other student clearly didn't want it. Since you don't know all the particulars, maybe there are reasons he didn't want it, reasons that the college clearly accepted as sufficient.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
