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Im sensing a common denominator with several different, unrelated people.
That was my thought too. Even if all those other people were the *******s, if you practically came to blows with several of them, you have some flaws in your people skills.
Just a few years ago, people were complaining/mocking about too much "Southern Hospitality", such as folks holding the doors open, saying sir and ma'am, asking about your church, waving at you in the neighborhood.
But after the blue wave moved here, now people are asking "what happened to the southern hospitality?"
I have lived in South Carolina most of my 52 years and no one has ever said to me, "Let's take it outside." By the way, I doubt the OP with one post on CD is coming back,
Moved here from Oregon in May. First two months weren't bad. Bought a house.
It's humid and hot. I wanted sun. Bigger house. Got those.
But I am having a very, very hard time with the people here.
I go to the VA. I've fired two doctors in four visits. I was at the Post Office, a guy wanted to "take it outside" because I said "excuse me" to grab a box from behind him. Today I got a guitar "fixed" (the guy basically made it unplayable) at a supposedly reputable shop. Received death threats from the man, the guy screamed in my wife's face, and used his body to prevent us from leaving until I started to call the cops and he moved.
The first doctor was because he wouldn't look at me when he was talking, or pay any attention. Guy wouldn't look up from the screen, was "dictating" instead of typing/listening, took personal phone calls, never let me get a word out.
Second doctor was the same with never letting me get a word out. Took everything personal. Very aggressive. Ended up standing over my wife and I literally yelling at us in the doctor's office, so bad that a nurse heard it and the doctor was apparently let go.
The guy at the Post Office.. I went to the counter, trying to ask between registered and priority. The lady completely dismissed me, told me to go grab some box - which was wrong information.. I said OK and a guy was standing there and I said excuse me, he said, "yeah you can just go around" the building to get behind him, and I said "Ok well I need the box you could just move" and this guy lost his mind. Actively tried to fight me.
Guy at the guitar shop today... don't even know where to begin. Trashed my guitar, was supposed to be a set-up, I tried to either negotiate price with him or have no charge OR you know, preferably have him fix the guitar up the way it's supposed to be. He told me no, it's perfect. I play wrong. I owe him the money, he did the work. I said I don't feel comfortable. Death threats, screaming, F bombs.
This is all in about 3-4 weeks. Nobody in the HOA neighborhood said hello. I'm at a loss for words with my experiences so far.
I heard so much about Southern Hospitality. So far I'm running into nothing but extreme aggression and threats of violence, in more social interactions than less. I grew up near downtown Los Angeles, criminals galore. Never felt in danger. Lived in meth city, Oregon the last 5 years. Never felt in danger.
I honestly can't tell what the hell is going on? If I just talk "wrong"? If it's that much of a culture thing? West vs East coast? I have not had a good experience whatsoever with really anyone so far. I find myself to be a rather pleasant and patient person. I've had arguments with people in bars, or in sporting events, etc. Things where it's expected. Out here it's just like everywhere I run into someone who wants to provoke.. themselves. They all take things so personally.
I've been told I am "blunt" or "say what I mean" - I do. I start conversations politely, and explain my reasoning. I try to listen and be as cordial and patient as possible. I've not had luck here at all just leaving the house for the most mundane of things.
It feels like I'm in middle school again.. the people are calling me ugly, stupid, fish face, the guitar guy today nearly started the conversation with "you're a weird dude" and I'm like.. Excuse me? I'm sorry I just am trying to get you to listen to how I want the guitar set-up... this devolved into more and personal personal insults. In all of these encounters I did not call names, threaten, yell, etc. It all came directly at me, in like record short amounts of time. My wife's been with me for all of these encounters and is equally confused. The encounter at the guitar shop today had her in tears.
Am I just having bad luck? I swear in 30+ years I've never dealt with anything like this. I'm like in a panic of wanting to sell the house and move or just not leave the damn house.
All I can guess is I'll learn how to better communicate with people here the longer I live here? From what I understand and have witnessed people here deal with things way, way different than out West. People there say what they mean and things are resolved. Here it all seems so one way polite and personal and angry. I don't get it.
Many Southerners are passive aggressive; you might well be rubbing them the wrong way.
Southerners have a way of communicating their point in a way that only they can understand, without coming across as ugly. For example: "bless your heart" is a nice way to say "you're being an idiot," without saying "you're an idiot." Another example: "Well if you like that dress, then..." is their way of saying: "that dress is ugly," without saying "that dress is ugly."
But when people come across as being very direct, it rubs them the wrong way, and is deemed to be ugly and rude.
It takes time to become acclimated to it here; you moved here, so you have to learn SC's ways, not the other way around. If you come across as someone genuinely interested in learning and adapting to Southern ways, people will patiently educate you.
Being a Yankee (MA and NYC) that was married to a gal from SC, I visited SC many times and spent time with family here. We retired and moved to Charleston (Mount Pleasant) in 2000 and then to Columbia (Lexington) in 2010 so I have lived here for over 20 years. My only surprises were how religious native SC people are and they can have a lack of urgency about things. Otherwise, I love SC and the people here.
We’ve been in Spartanburg five years and both of us grew up in close-in Washington DC, of all places, at a time when “do unto others”, “the golden rule” were still instilled in children (1950-70s). We’ve had no problems adapting to South Carolina values and absolutely love it here. I’ve never run into the issues of the OP.
I grew up in Columbia, went to college here and then moved for law school. Since then I lived almost 40 years all over the Northeast and West. I moved back to Columbia to retire some 12 years ago. Other than the fact that people still throw trash on the roadways here, SC is a great state with friendly people. You have to adapt to where you live. People can be rude or aggressive anywhere, including out West and up North. Generally I find people will treat you the way you treat them.
I go to the VA. I've fired two doctors in four visits. I was at the Post Office, a guy wanted to "take it outside" because I said "excuse me" to grab a box from behind him. Today I got a guitar "fixed" (the guy basically made it unplayable) at a supposedly reputable shop. Received death threats from the man, the guy screamed in my wife's face, and used his body to prevent us from leaving until I started to call the cops and he moved.
The first doctor was because he wouldn't look at me when he was talking, or pay any attention. Guy wouldn't look up from the screen, was "dictating" instead of typing/listening, took personal phone calls, never let me get a word out.
Second doctor was the same with never letting me get a word out. Took everything personal. Very aggressive. Ended up standing over my wife and I literally yelling at us in the doctor's office, so bad that a nurse heard it and the doctor was apparently let go.
The guy at the Post Office.. I went to the counter, trying to ask between registered and priority. The lady completely dismissed me, told me to go grab some box - which was wrong information.. I said OK and a guy was standing there and I said excuse me, he said, "yeah you can just go around" the building to get behind him, and I said "Ok well I need the box you could just move" and this guy lost his mind. Actively tried to fight me.
Guy at the guitar shop today... don't even know where to begin. Trashed my guitar, was supposed to be a set-up, I tried to either negotiate price with him or have no charge OR you know, preferably have him fix the guitar up the way it's supposed to be. He told me no, it's perfect. I play wrong. I owe him the money, he did the work. I said I don't feel comfortable. Death threats, screaming, F bombs.
This is all in about 3-4 weeks. Nobody in the HOA neighborhood said hello. I'm at a loss for words with my experiences so far.
I heard so much about Southern Hospitality. So far I'm running into nothing but extreme aggression and threats of violence, in more social interactions than less. I grew up near downtown Los Angeles, criminals galore. Never felt in danger. Lived in meth city, Oregon the last 5 years. Never felt in danger.
I honestly can't tell what the hell is going on? If I just talk "wrong"? If it's that much of a culture thing? West vs East coast? I have not had a good experience whatsoever with really anyone so far. I find myself to be a rather pleasant and patient person. I've had arguments with people in bars, or in sporting events, etc. Things where it's expected. Out here it's just like everywhere I run into someone who wants to provoke.. themselves. They all take things so personally.
I've been told I am "blunt" or "say what I mean" - I do. I start conversations politely, and explain my reasoning. I try to listen and be as cordial and patient as possible. I've not had luck here at all just leaving the house for the most mundane of things.
It feels like I'm in middle school again.. the people are calling me ugly, stupid, fish face, the guitar guy today nearly started the conversation with "you're a weird dude" and I'm like.. Excuse me? I'm sorry I just am trying to get you to listen to how I want the guitar set-up... this devolved into more and personal personal insults. In all of these encounters I did not call names, threaten, yell, etc. It all came directly at me, in like record short amounts of time. My wife's been with me for all of these encounters and is equally confused. The encounter at the guitar shop today had her in tears.
Am I just having bad luck? I swear in 30+ years I've never dealt with anything like this. I'm like in a panic of wanting to sell the house and move or just not leave the damn house.
All I can guess is I'll learn how to better communicate with people here the longer I live here? From what I understand and have witnessed people here deal with things way, way different than out West. People there say what they mean and things are resolved. Here it all seems so one way polite and personal and angry. I don't get it.
Bull.
The VA is notorious for employing staffers that don't care. If you're a vet, you should know this.
How did you say "excuse me" to the dude at the post office? Tone matters.
The guitar store: two sides to every story.
You moved here and don't like it. You don't culturally fit here. You made a poor decision to buy a house here. You're frustrated and decided to make one post on a message board.
Consider selling and moving back.
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