Should my husband love me the way I am? (Maine, pounds, death)
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People "should" do a lot of things - according to someone else. When I hear the word "should" I immediately think that this is your opinion and is probably meant as a shaming attempt in order to change me to conform to your wishes with no concern for mine. "Should" is a dirty word in my lexicon.
You are the one who changed, and won't take responsibility for it. Your husband has been clear all along about what he finds attractive. He may still love you, but find you sexually unappealing with the huge weight gain. I can't fault him for having his preferences, especially since he stated them early on and has been consistent. You're the one who has not been consistent.
People "should" do a lot of things - according to someone else. When I hear the word "should" I immediately think that this is your opinion and is probably meant as a shaming attempt in order to change me to conform to your wishes with no concern for mine. "Should" is a dirty word in my lexicon.
You are the one who changed, and won't take responsibility for it. Your husband has been clear all along about what he finds attractive. He may still love you, but find you sexually unappealing with the huge weight gain. I can't fault him for having his preferences, especially since he stated them early on and has been consistent. You're the one who has not been consistent.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here.
What did the vows say? Anything about "in sickness and in health?"
If her husband won't have sex with her because she decided to become a healthy weight, that's a form of abandonment, and grounds for divorce in my book. As far as I'm concerned, he's the one who broke his vows, first. A good attorney could have a field day with that, actually.
OP, you're probably nowhere near as, shall we say, inclined to make a point about these things as I am, but if you did want to lose 15 pounds, your hub would have absolutely zero talking room about how you go about it.
Join a gym, buy good workout gear (including sports bras and the best footwear possible for your workouts), go to the gym for at least an hour after work, and let him fend for himself at dinner while you bump your bowl of cereal up to dinnertime. And of course, going out to eat is right out, as is keeping junk food around the house. Nothing wrong with hiring a personal trainer, either--a nice 30-year-old male one. If your hub really wants you to slim down, and he views your body as some kind of team effort, then let him take one for the team and let him start cooking for himself, let him be okay with you not being home as much in the evenings, and let him be okay with you spending money on the gym, gym clothes, sneakers, exercise gear, etc.
Something tells me it won't be long before he's either okay with your weight or complaining about the effort it takes to lose it. If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times.
Too much arguing here about the OP's weight, IMO. If she is 5'6" and 150 that is not that overweight at all. I am 5'8" 145 lbs with a little muscle and my doctor and everyone I know thinks I look perfect. But that aside, if her man doesn't like the look he doesn't like the look, and we all have our preferences. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her. But sounds like he isn't attracted to her sexually anyore
Her options here are to lose SOME weight (to please him), or get rid of the dude and find someone not so superficial.
Too much arguing here about the OP's weight, IMO. If she is 5'6" and 150 that is not that overweight at all. I am 5'8" 145 lbs with a little muscle and my doctor and everyone I know thinks I look perfect. But that aside, if her man doesn't like the look he doesn't like the look, and we all have our preferences. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her. But sounds like he isn't attracted to her sexually anyore
Her options here are to lose SOME weight (to please him), or get rid of the dude and find someone not so superficial.
And the weight isn't the issue. It's that his attraction to her is largely physical and certainly conditional, which is fine, until she changed.
I don't see either of the two at fault, anymore. She's content with eating cereal before bed and being 150lbs, and he is no longer physically attracted.
She can either choose eat a little more healthy, or he needs to man up and move on, before he cheats on her.
If you are not an athelete with tons of muscles, you are quite overweight. Sorry to burst your bubble.
5'6" at 150 is QUITE over weight? I completely disagree. In fact I think a woman at that height weighing only 100 pounds would be sick looking. But I am very familiar with men who like sickeningly thin women. I will refrain from elaborating though. My sister at 5'2" weighed 100 pounds during her first marriage and she had to starve herself to maintain that. She divorced the jerk who insisted she never eat anything.
You're only 150 pounds still? Seriously, he should be enjoying those curves. You are still a normal weight. Sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
I totally agree. If you don't have children, my advice is to leave him before you do. It only gets worse, and no, he doesn't love you -- he married your stick thin body, but not your soul apparently.
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