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One thing hasn't been mentioned.....and I hate to mention it....is that in one way he is right. He isn't MAKING you eat junk food, he's just making it harder for you to refuse it. He may not be aware that he's doing it, but what he is doing is making you prove to yourself that you really do have the will power to lose weight.
Don't play his game. You can lose that weight, you really can, in spite of what he says or does. It's up to you!!!! You can do it!!
You might want to drop little nuggets of wisdom like...."Go ahead, keep on eating that junk, I'll outlive you and collect on your insurance"
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
It happens!!
All that matters is that he loves you in spite of; The badgering about it should stop out of mutual respect for one another; You are doing a good thing making the effort to get in shape, "not just because He says you are fat" but because you care about your health, there are many other health issues that are linked to obesity. But IMO he's being a little insensitive; But when you say I do", unfortunately you both are agreeing to the whole package deal. Don't allow negative emotions to get in the way of your goals; He's just being immature right nowhopefully he'll back off with the remarks. In the meantime you justkeep up the good work with WW; feeling good about yourself is equally important as losing a few lbs. Let us know how things are going.
Happy Thanksgiving
God Bless You
Some people have a different approach at wording things and this is probably his way of telling you, (as blunt as it is) that you need to lose weight.
Being called fat, overweight or the word I hate more than anything, plus size, is not the way to do it and he needs to be told this.
Sit down and have a talk with him and tell him what you have told us on this post. You don't need to be told you're fat but need his support on the way to eat or portion your food. You also need his support to do some kind of activity daily.
Congrats on your weight loss. I know it's tough because I've lost weight and still have more to lose.
On another note, my late husband liked me for who I was. I gained 70 pounds during our marriage. It's been a battle to lose weight. I wish now he would have called me fat so I could watch my weight more carefully and not let it get out of control. I'm with my S/O now and he keeps me on track or gets me back on track. Good luck to you.
I'd be mad...at first..then I'd really take a good long look at myself in the mirror and be honest with myself. If I was fat, then he was telling the truth and I'd think about doing something about it ( not because HE said so, but, because I wanted to....big difference)
I wouldn't call is abuse as much as I would call it rude. Him eating junk food and not getting fat doesn't mean he's any healthier than you......and he needs to know that. Why not include him in your diet and weight lose program? Learn together how to eat properly...and tell him you need his support...not his hinderance to lose weight.
He might be wanting you to lose weight on the outside but on the inside is he thinking if she loses weight...will I lose her? Know what I mean?
Whether you need to lose weight or not what he said is hurtful. If he was bald and you called him baldy he wouldn't like that either. I'd tell him it hurts you and you want him to stop. Sounds like he is sabotaging you. He says he wants you to lose weight but eats like crazy around you, offers you junk and then get mad when you turn it down. Well he can't have it both ways. Some men say they want their wives to lose weight but then again feel threatened by it and often get very upset when they fluffy wife suddenly becomes thin and hot and men begin looking her way!
My gf would kill me if I said that, she's 5'5" and about 150. She does weight watchers because she wants to and she has lost about ten.
She looks a lot better (I have said she looks a bit slimmer and its more of a turnon)
I just want her to be healthy and me to be healthy because I think the weight thing can always be a health isssue and her family has a bit of heart disease in their history.
I have never called her fat or implied that and when she says she is I tell her she looks great. I worry though, am I doing anything wrong?
On Dec 3rd my wife and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. In fact, yesterday I bought her an anniversary ring to give to her. When I married her she weighed 95 lbs. She is a little heavier than that today. Not an obese problem but a little plump. We seem to want our spouses to always look as good as they did on the wedding day. Of course that isn't the way life works. After six kids and going through what life brings to all of us we both accept the changes that occur over the course of the years. She has been a great wife and mother to our kids. And for some reason, I still ain't never figured out, she still seems to like me alot. That is really what matters most. I ain't complaining about her not looking like a cheer leader anymore. I certainly don't look like the young man she married anymore either. She is still a good looking girl as far as I'm concerned. It is better to look at the whole picture. Not just the central focus. Sometimes men (and women) forget that. We get older. We change. We are still the same person inside. And that should have been what we fell in love with in the first place.
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
First - I think at the end of the day you need to stop being offended by this because he likely is concerned for your health and of course who better to observe such a change than someone you live with, someone who knew you before. Sometimes the truth hurts, and indeed in this example I would just accept that yes you know you are overweight and yes so does your spouse. Now you need to do something about it if you care.
Second - Regarding his own weight and eating habits - I don't think they're relevant at all. You are not in competition with your husband for clearing your plates, and indeed you've recognized that for whatever reason he can eat more than you and stay thin. That being the case, you need to consciously change your own diet and stop worrying about him and his reactions. If indeed you buy the groceries and cook the food for the two of you, then he has a choice... either to eat what you buy and serve, or he can cook himself something else. Do what you think needs to be done. Ignore his offers of more food or bad food - don't be offended by them, just don't accept them.
Personally I think the diet-food thing is a mistake. I think you'd just be better off paying attention to your portions and frequency of eating. If indeed you recognize that your stomach is currently stretched which is why you feel hungry so often (or need a large quantity of food to feel satisfied) then deal with it by acknowledging it and then consciously eating less. You're not going to starve, and if you ensure you get some fresh fruit and vegetables each day you won't suffer from malnutrition. Eventually it will get easier. Also consciously cut out or reduce your eating of breads or crackers or pretzels or other snack food made from flour and you'll do even better (these things are high in carbs and that is it).
Third - this is a big one which for "convenience" many overweight people don't want to acknowledge. You need to get some exercise. Through exercise you will increase your metabolism AND increase muscle-mass (and muscle density) which will increase your metabolism even more (that will burn off your body fat). No you won't get all bulked up (a physical impossibility for a woman unless you take steriods) but you need to start lifting weights in combination with at first walking and then jogging/running regularly. People have known that this is critical to getting fit for well over 30 years yet so many overweight people won't do it. Just do it... you'll see a difference - a more impactful difference than throwing money out the window to Weight Watchers or like diet plans. Diet is important.. but exercise is equally important.
All that said I wish you the best of luck. By admitting you have a weight issue you are already ahead of the majority of folks out there. By already showing interest in changing your habits you are even more ahead. If after 6 years your husband isn't treating you respectfully and that is why you are posting here (to get advice or empathy regarding that and not losing weight), then hopefully someone else in this thread can address that (and perhaps you might want to post to the relationship sub-forum instead).
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
I've been married & divorced & in many relationships between then & now (divorced in '92). I can say with relative certainty that, when & if I ever marry again, my partner will NEVER call me fat. Ever. I simply wouldn't be attracted to the sort of person who'd speak to me in that manner.
However, if I was straying from my "best life" by continuing to gain weight or whatever - I also can say, with relative certainty, that my partner absolutely would sit me down & talk with me about my life getting out of hand. That's what love is. The truth hurts sometimes but I want it always. I don't think speaking the truth to me in a loving way & expecting me to make every attempt to live my best life is wrong in any way - nor do I think it is remotely the equivalent of calling me "FAT".
I don't know if your interpretation is "GIRL, YOU ARE FAT" or if he is literally using that word. You need to get over the former & unconditionally not tolerate the latter. We teach others how to treat us & no one is taught to speak to me in that manner. Period.
That's my 50 cents on the matter!
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We have been together for 6 years.
The badgering about it should stop out of mutual respect for one another; You are doing a good thing making the effort to get in shape, "not just because He says you are fat" but because you care about your health,
there are many other health issues that are linked to obesity. But IMO he's being a little insensitive; But when you say I do", unfortunately you both are agreeing to the whole package deal.
Don't allow negative emotions to get in the way of your goals; He's just being immature right now
feeling good about yourself is equally important as losing a few lbs. Let us know how things are going.
