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II am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
You need to get tough on this issue really freaking fast. My guess is that you either have always been a little chunky or have gained weight at midlife-- either way, it's ok. It's not OK though for this man to be a bully to you about it. He sounds like a real jerk and total control freak!! I am sorry you are involved with someone like him but maybe it is a sign. Maybe you should hear what he has to say, not shoot the messenger in other words, but reconsider whether he is really as supportive and loving as you think he is since he has obviously not helped you in your dieting efforts.
Few people will help you, that is the hard cold truth. I don't know why dieting is such a bummer in this country but it is.
That said, I know of a sure fire diet that will take the weight off you in a matter of weeks to months. If you want to lose the weight quickly & permanently you will need to follow a diet called the Blood Type Diet. That means you will choose all your food according to whether you have blood type O, A, B or AB. You will want to do this for at least 3 months to give it a chance to work. I weighed as much as 20 pounds more than I do now before going on this regime 5 years ago. I have done the Zone (and still do to some extent-- I am blood type O and the low carbs thing works for me) but I find the advice in the Blood Type diet to be the end all be all of diets. I am 37 and am at my perfect weight.
If my boyfriend called me fat I would dump him. I have other struggles that are similar to what you are going through even though I no longer have the weight thing. A few years ago a guy told me I was "average" and that was "ok". He did not know he had insulted me and still does not know it! Men seem to really be controlling in this area and it is something we all have to deal with. The only person who can control your weight is you. That does not give this guy the power to tell you what to do or or what size you should be. My advice is to try some kind of regime like blood type or the Zone and see what happens. If he does not immediately support you he is not on your side and never will be. I hope he does support you and that you feel better soon.
As an aside I would also like to mention that you could have the change of life hormone thing happening which would require help from a specialist. Menopause could be making you fat. There are several books (It's my Ovaries Stupid specifically) you might want to read by a Dr. named Elizabeth Vliet. I read them a few years ago when I was 34 and they helped me a lot.
I wouldn't be so hard on your hubby...I am in the same situation with my wife. I have seen her mother, and she will go down that path(which is very unhealthy...obese) and he probably just wants to help you establish good health...however that doesnt explain the junk food....maybe he does that to make up for feeling like a jerk for telling you to lose weight. Good health is important. 5'3 and 150 isn't horrible by any means, but it isn't healthy either. I think the BMI goal for that is 127lbs...that is perfect...I mean, it is hard to do that, but getting near 140 is feasible.
I am sure you have other issues, but my concern for my wife is health...we have been married a year, and I let her know in advance I was a health freak and we discussed her weight. She wanted to get in shape, and she did...until we tied the knot...then She gained 20lbs...I feel betrayed, because this is a compatibility issue and a health issue, and once we locked it down, she is suddenly to busy to work out and eats cookies before bed...
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
Will you tell him that UNITE would like to have a word with him? I promise, I won't bite.
I wouldn't be so hard on your hubby...I am in the same situation with my wife. I have seen her mother, and she will go down that path(which is very unhealthy...obese) and he probably just wants to help you establish good health...however that doesnt explain the junk food....maybe he does that to make up for feeling like a jerk for telling you to lose weight. Good health is important. 5'3 and 150 isn't horrible by any means, but it isn't healthy either. I think the BMI goal for that is 127lbs...that is perfect...I mean, it is hard to do that, but getting near 140 is feasible.
I am sure you have other issues, but my concern for my wife is health...we have been married a year, and I let her know in advance I was a health freak and we discussed her weight. She wanted to get in shape, and she did...until we tied the knot...then She gained 20lbs...I feel betrayed, because this is a compatibility issue and a health issue, and once we locked it down, she is suddenly to busy to work out and eats cookies before bed...
Oh, so this is all about you and your wishes for your wife. So now you feel betrayed because she is happy? Is she happy?? Is she already obese?? If your lady wants to eat cookies before bed then I say let her, just do it in moderation.
As hard as we may try to please one another, well sometimes it does not stay that way for long. We can only be who we are as individuals. If you married this lady just because of her body, did you catch those key words "HER BODY", well than I guess you will get whatever you get. Or not. You do still have options. I would rather think that you are not that shallow. She saw something in you that she wanted too.
You sound like a very well put together person, who knows what he wants. Did that extra 20 pounds take away her laughter or kindness? I doubt it. Listen life is too short and you must love her, you married her, now leave it at that. Be Happy~~
I am not going to try to guess your husband's motives, because that is the wrong focus anyway. Try to concentrate not on what HE says, but how it makes YOU feel. If you continue to build your self-esteem, his comments won't interfere with you reaching your goal. Weight Watchers may be a good forum for you to discuss verbal insults about weight and how your support group overcomes them. You also can form a phone group of weight watchers and other friends that you can call from home if he says something that discourages you. Develop your own tricks for taking "mini-mental vacations" (music, hot bath, meditation).
"Reading between the lines" in your posts suggest you are a strong and determined woman. As difficult as it is to ignore a spouse's hurtful comments, I think you have already committed yourself to rising above them. Wishing you great success and better health.
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
I wouldn't be so hard on your hubby...I am in the same situation with my wife. I have seen her mother, and she will go down that path(which is very unhealthy...obese) and he probably just wants to help you establish good health...however that doesnt explain the junk food....maybe he does that to make up for feeling like a jerk for telling you to lose weight. Good health is important. 5'3 and 150 isn't horrible by any means, but it isn't healthy either. I think the BMI goal for that is 127lbs...that is perfect...I mean, it is hard to do that, but getting near 140 is feasible.
I am sure you have other issues, but my concern for my wife is health...we have been married a year, and I let her know in advance I was a health freak and we discussed her weight. She wanted to get in shape, and she did...until we tied the knot...then She gained 20lbs...I feel betrayed, because this is a compatibility issue and a health issue, and once we locked it down, she is suddenly to busy to work out and eats cookies before bed...
I've already posted on the previous page but I can understand what you're wanting your wife to do. It's easier losing 20 pounds now than it will be (if she continues to gain weight) lose 70 pounds like I did. I was in shape until I married my late husband. I think getting married puts a person in a comfort zone and people eat more. That's what I did. Get her back on track before she really screws up and gains a bunch of weight.
Nobody is too busy to work out. Encourage her and do it with her. Going for a walk or hike or dancing to some music will be a start. Eating anything in bed is not a good sign at all. If she wants to snack, she needs to be active in some way.
anyone here who says you should not be offended by what he said? Is not looking out for YOU or your best interests. NO ONE has the right to speak to you in such a way where you are made to feel badly about who you are or how you look. NO ONE. No matter what their motives. You need to lose 20 pounds, you are not in need of a crack intervention for crying out loud!
Anyone "concerned about your health" would NOT make comments like that then turn around and eat like a pig in front of you with the very things he is so "concerned" with hurting you.
If weight becomes a premise for any relationships' success or failure no matter WHAT they promise, then you are shallow, and do not deserve the love evaporating from the urine they excrete. Let alone what billows from these peoples hearts.
HOW DARE anyone say it is EVER ok to hurt someone in order to make them do as you feel they should. 5'5 - 150 pounds is NOT OBESE by any means and certainly did NOT deserve THAT kind of treatment, or commentary.
Justify it a million ways, but that sorry, pitiful, rude man of yours better be prepared for the bag of chips you throw at him as you walk out the door because someone who DOES appreciate you for you, has come along and chosen to support you rather than belittle you into looking better for HIM rather than for yourself. You LOSE that weight girl, because you CAN and because YOU want to.
Then tell him not to let the door hit him in the arse on the way out when he wonders why you have lost any respect for him and can no longer stand the sight of his lazy sorry rear sitting in the chair eating doritos!
(and to the one who felt betrayed? Ever take the caring time to ASK your wife what is causing her to feel so miserable that she wants to sit and eat cookies before bed? If LOOKS are THAT important to you, maybe you should not be married. Care about the soul behind the body before you criticize the body and hurt the soul. The bodies can be fixed the souls take a lot longer to heal. I'm all for premarital agreements but if weight is more important than the soul behind the fat, you should NEVER enter into marriage.)
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We have been together for 6 years.
To the Weight Watchers girl
Unite
Unite
