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anyone here who says you should not be offended by what he said? Is not looking out for YOU or your best interests. NO ONE has the right to speak to you in such a way where you are made to feel badly about who you are or how you look. NO ONE. No matter what their motives. You need to lose 20 pounds, you are not in need of a crack intervention for crying out loud!
Anyone "concerned about your health" would NOT make comments like that then turn around and eat like a pig in front of you with the very things he is so "concerned" with hurting you.
If weight becomes a premise for any relationships' success or failure no matter WHAT they promise, then you are shallow, and do not deserve the love evaporating from the urine they excrete. Let alone what billows from these peoples hearts.
HOW DARE anyone say it is EVER ok to hurt someone in order to make them do as you feel they should. 5'5 - 150 pounds is NOT OBESE by any means and certainly did NOT deserve THAT kind of treatment, or commentary.
Justify it a million ways, but that sorry, pitiful, rude man of yours better be prepared for the bag of chips you throw at him as you walk out the door because someone who DOES appreciate you for you, has come along and chosen to support you rather than belittle you into looking better for HIM rather than for yourself. You LOSE that weight girl, because you CAN and because YOU want to.
Then tell him not to let the door hit him in the arse on the way out when he wonders why you have lost any respect for him and can no longer stand the sight of his lazy sorry rear sitting in the chair eating doritos!
(and to the one who felt betrayed? Ever take the caring time to ASK your wife what is causing her to feel so miserable that she wants to sit and eat cookies before bed? If LOOKS are THAT important to you, maybe you should not be married. Care about the soul behind the body before you criticize the body and hurt the soul. The bodies can be fixed the souls take a lot longer to heal. I'm all for premarital agreements but if weight is more important than the soul behind the fat, you should NEVER enter into marriage.)
Whether we like it or not as women, men are attracted to looks. To gain some weight is expected but to let yourself go and not care is something else.
Like I said before, it's easier to lose a little weight like 20 pounds than it is a lot of weight. He's trying to get her back on track before it's too late.
I wouldn't want to be called fat but I sure as hell wish someone would have done or said something before I gained a ton of weight and then had to lose it. Plus size is the pc word but that's even worse than being called fat.
Only she can fix the problem she has with overeating. Blaming the husband for eating in front of her is not a good excuse. If he wants to snack on doritos, she needs to snack on something low cal or work out more.
It's called tough love.
I guess everyone is different and every relationship is different. My wife and I have always had an open dialogue without the "sensitive hand holding" that some people need when it comes to things like this. Niether of us have ever really been overweight but if there are times when either of us put on a few extra pounds we've always and I mean ALWAYS called each other out on it. She would say things like "youre getting chunky", "whats with the beer belly?" or "have you started training for sumo?". I would say things to her like "Auditioning for your part in Shallow Hall II?" or "When is the baby due?" or "I saw you driving the other day and wasnt sure if it was you or Gilbert Grapes mother driving because the car was leaning heavily to the side".
We say these things not to be mean, but to actually make each other laugh and most importantly keep an open and honest conversation about our health/weight and we've never had an argument about it. Ive been with my wife for over 8 years and I have gained maybe 20lbs (175 to 195) and she has stayed pretty much the same (120-125) but on occaison lost her six pack. Her weight/health is extremely important to her and she would get upset with me if I fail to say anything to her if she started to gain wieght.
my best friend does the same thing tries to get me to snack with him, he has a weight problem therefore health problems. i dont like it.
my weight is great but i am on a non stop diet.
getting pressured to break my diet irritates me.
I think what the OP should do is let her husband know that his remarks are hurtful and in no way encouraging. He should NEVER EVER say anything to upset or hurt her in any way. She should ask him to be honest without being hurtful and afraid for his own safety for doing so. You should never threaten to leave your husband like some posters here are saying as that is just ridiculous. He should just be a bit more sensitive to YOU.
I agree Eddiek, but it depends upon how it is done.
Precisely, and if he's really getting offended when she turns down junk food then he's just nuts and it may well be him that needs educating! It's amazing how many couples you see on the TV where the guy is trying to get the woman to lose weight and he's not exactly skinny himself.
Worse still, he may be thin but eating rubbish and therefore think he's OK but actually be very very unhealthy!
Isn't this a display of truthfulness, and possibly a way of telling you to get with the program and lose some weight?
I agree with you eddiek. Why lie? My wife would be very upset with me if I told her anything but the truth. She used a tumor analogy which is not far off -
Wife: "Honey, is my tumor getting bigger?"
Husband: "No dear, its not getter bigger at all, I think its shrinking"
Wife: "Oh great, thank you honey".
Its not too terribly different from being fat, both WILL cause health issues and can lead to a persons death if left unchecked.
Anyone who respects you as a wife and woman would never do this to you! Your dh is being verbally abusive! Remember that first and foremost. I am sure you are a wonderful person. You deserve to be treated as such.
Sounds like you need to reevaluate your life. You need to be proud of yourself for who you are. Do not depend on your dh to tell you who you are! It is possible the events of your life have caused you to have little self worth. You could always make an appointment with a therapist in your area to help you get a running start!
Anyone who respects you as a wife and woman would never do this to you! Your dh is being verbally abusive! Remember that first and foremost. I am sure you are a wonderful person. You deserve to be treated as such.
Sounds like you need to reevaluate your life. You need to be proud of yourself for who you are. Do not depend on your dh to tell you who you are! It is possible the events of your life have caused you to have little self worth. You could always make an appointment with a therapist in your area to help you get a running start!
Make an appointment with a therapist??? So he/she can pat the woman on the back and tell her that it's okay to be fat and unhealthy????
What are you thinking?
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