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The thing is....is that he's never really needed disciplined per se. Overall, he's a good kid. Honor role student, doesn't get in trouble, doesn't really even back talk. Ha...the job....that's a huge hot button with me. He's only had one job, and that lasted 4 months. He's not working, not helping out around the house, nothing. When summer and yard maintenance time gets here...his dad better make him help with that stuff! We're going to have MORE serious issues if not. The thing about him not helping around the house...is that I really don't WANT him to help, because he doesn't know how to do anything and it's just easier for me to do it myself, that way it's done the way I like. Seriously. The first time he did his laundry, he used fabric softener instead of soap. Apparently he doesn't have great reading comprehension skills either. He didn't know anything about doing anything for himself when he moved in with us. I don't know how he's going to survive when he goes off to college.
I understand about doing things yourself because you like them done a certain way however, how is he going to actually learn to fend for himself and do for himself if he is allowed to be a slug and not do anything around the home?
I'm fortunate my husband is one of 5 boys and all of those boys had house chores assigned by their Mother and they all did their chores daily without question.
All of those boys know how to do laundry, wash dishes, hand clothes on the laundry line, run a sweeper, mop a floor, scrub whatever need scrubbed, etc.
All of those boys also know how to repair numerous things and do all of the yard work properly as well as plant anything, tend to it all, nourish it and harvest what has been grown.
If they really needed to they could also start canning and have a great stocked pantry for the winter.
I don't think you or your boyfriend is lazy at all but I do think the lines in the sand need to be drawn and stuck to as far as house chores, lawn chores and the accessibility and attitude with the dogs.
I certainly do not envy you at all and I hope you get it all worked out before someone gets hurt.
I disgusted by the distain the OP has for the boyfriend's son in all aspects of his living with her. If she had come here with the sole complaint of how he interacts with dogs, I'd be more sympathetic, but she's ripping him apart about how he does laundry and everything. It's clear she does not like this boy in her life.
The OP is a strong willed women who got along with her boyfriend because he's a pushover, but now the OP is discovering that his passive ways are not effective in dealing with child issues. The very thing that makes them compatible as a couple doesn't make them compatible as "parents."
For the sake of the son and your relationship with the father, I recommend you find yourself some patience. Since he will be going to college in the next year or so, this is a temporary situation. He is a child whose life has been turned upside down by not only changing households but relocating across the country. You're the adult. Learn to cope better than you are.
If something happens to your boyfriend's son, I guarantee you that his mother will become part of the equation and become involved i. what happens at your household.
You shouldn't be fostering dogs that are aggressive towards humans. Any dog that would bite or kill a person isn't a dog that should be saved from euthanasia. I would hope that the rescue do aggression tests prior to placing dogs at your home.
The dog us NOT aggressive. Nor are my own. That still doesn't give him the ok to get in their face. No one should EVER force themselves on a dog. EVER. Regardless of whether it's their own dog or not.
I never said that any of the dogs were aggressive.
I understand about doing things yourself because you like them done a certain way however, how is he going to actually learn to fend for himself and do for himself if he is allowed to be a slug and not do anything around the home?
I'm fortunate my husband is one of 5 boys and all of those boys had house chores assigned by their Mother and they all did their chores daily without question.
All of those boys know how to do laundry, wash dishes, hand clothes on the laundry line, run a sweeper, mop a floor, scrub whatever need scrubbed, etc.
All of those boys also know how to repair numerous things and do all of the yard work properly as well as plant anything, tend to it all, nourish it and harvest what has been grown.
If they really needed to they could also start canning and have a great stocked pantry for the winter.
I don't think you or your boyfriend is lazy at all but I do think the lines in the sand need to be drawn and stuck to as far as house chores, lawn chores and the accessibility and attitude with the dogs.
I certainly do not envy you at all and I hope you get it all worked out before someone gets hurt.
He was much better with the dogs yesterday, from what I saw. Definitely agree with you that he should start chipping in more around the house...and that I should be open to relinquishing some of the chores. I'm sure that once yard maintenance time hits, he'll be doing more. Before he moved in with us, he would stay during his summer breaks and his dad always had him helping outside.
What if you present a case to him that this is animal abuse and talk about how serial killers always start with animal abuse? Would he be bothered by having a reputation as an animal abusing future serial killer?
He is showing lack of empathy as well as finding amusement in an animal's distress. Very concerning...
If a dog wants to be petted, he'll let you know. It is a very important lesson for teenaged boys to learn not to force themselves bodily upon another un-consenting being.
a bit overboard if you ask me. its like parents who tell kids weed is as bad as heroin, they try weed and when they dont keel over and die say my parents have lied to me about weed so they probably lied about heroin ectasy and coke as well ill try those.
wierd analogy maybe but i think its fitting. i get he's pestering the dogs but its hardly animal abuse and i think trivializes true animal abuse.
were talking about a 17 year old here not a 5 year old. say to him look kid you may not think so but you are going to get bit in the face one of these days. maybe badly by a scared dog maybe just a playful nip but it will hurt and im going to be responsible for your medical care. if the dog is sleeping please leave him alone. we dont know how this new dog is going to react so please dont do that. if you cant follow these rules you cant come over here anymore
a bit overboard if you ask me. its like parents who tell kids weed is as bad as heroin, they try weed and when they dont keel over and die say my parents have lied to me about weed so they probably lied about heroin ectasy and coke as well ill try those.
wierd analogy maybe but i think its fitting. i get he's pestering the dogs but its hardly animal abuse and i think trivializes true animal abuse.
were talking about a 17 year old here not a 5 year old. say to him look kid you may not think so but you are going to get bit in the face one of these days. maybe badly by a scared dog maybe just a playful nip but it will hurt and im going to be responsible for your medical care. if the dog is sleeping please leave him alone. we dont know how this new dog is going to react so please dont do that. if you cant follow these rules you cant come over here anymore
It is definitely overboard, and that's the intention. It wouldn't be my first approach, but the boy has clearly demonstrated he is not concerned about his own safety. To continue with your drug analogy, we can tell kids that drugs will kill them, but they don't believe it will ever happen to them. I think the same thing is happening here; the threat of having his face ripped off just doesn't seem realistic to this boy. That's why I'd make it all about what he is doing to the dog, NOT what the dog could do to him. He IS showing lack of empathy. He IS taking pleasure in an animal's distress (thinks the growling is entertaining). And he IS forcing himself bodily on another being when that being is clearly asking him to back off. All of these truths need to be pointed out to the boy, and if he still doesn't care then he clearly does have a proclivity for abuse which will only escalate.
This is about the difference between "don't do that because you might get punished" vs. "don't do that because it is wrong". We should have enough empathy to comprehend that "pestering" a dog is wrong whether or not the dog defends itself. Our motivation should be empathy and respect, not just fear of dog bites.
It is definitely overboard, and that's the intention. It wouldn't be my first approach, but the boy has clearly demonstrated he is not concerned about his own safety. To continue with your drug analogy, we can tell kids that drugs will kill them, but they don't believe it will ever happen to them. I think the same thing is happening here; the threat of having his face ripped off just doesn't seem realistic to this boy. That's why I'd make it all about what he is doing to the dog, NOT what the dog could do to him. He IS showing lack of empathy. He IS taking pleasure in an animal's distress (thinks the growling is entertaining). And he IS forcing himself bodily on another being when that being is clearly asking him to back off. All of these truths need to be pointed out to the boy, and if he still doesn't care then he clearly does have a proclivity for abuse which will only escalate.
This is about the difference between "don't do that because you might get punished" vs. "don't do that because it is wrong". We should have enough empathy to comprehend that "pestering" a dog is wrong whether or not the dog defends itself. Our motivation should be empathy and respect, not just fear of dog bites.
You make some good points, just the last thing about its important for young buys not to force themselves upon people bodily. some kid who's all be it a bit over anxious but is clearly an animal lover and your turning him into a future rapist who needs to learnn a lesson. thought that was a bit over the top
Explain to him, no matter how great you may be with dogs, if you aren't the master, it may be dangerous. My ex wrestled with my first shar-pei, and , well it didn't work out so good,lol.
Because if he has something like ASPBERGER's, as other people here have mentioned, he simply does not understand personal spaces. And if it was undiagnosed, he would have no real concept of what he was doing wrong. OP has said that is unlikely though.
What's your excuse?
what's with the personal attack?
Koale
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He didn't know anything about doing anything for himself when he moved in with us. I don't know how he's going to survive when he goes off to college. 
excuse me...
