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As I said in an earlier post telling the teacher about getting hit by a bully did no good. The bully tried again. I defended my self by tossing him on the ground and followed with a hard kick to his ribs. That cured him of bullying me because it took the fight right out of him.
When the VP questioned me I said he tripped over his shoelace and fell down. The bully confirmed my story because he was afraid of what I might do to him. smart move.
Maybe what is needed is to teach people how to respond when falsely accused of something, as you were able to do. It is always frustrating seeing the formers school bullies who are constantly speeding getting out of tickets by knowing the right thing to say, whereas the "good" person who gets caught doing 5 MPH over the speed limit on a road with a ridiculously low speed limit says the wrong thing and/or gets nervous, and gets the maximum punishmen possible.
Your story reminds me of an incident where I was getting off the school bus, and a bully put his foot in the aisle to try to trip me. But he failed and I accidently stepped on his foot, and he started screaming! The bus driver then wrote me up for stepping on his foot, claiming that I inflicted pain on him for no reason at all. The assistant principal (who, as I said, hated me) wanted to ban me from the school bus for the rest of the year because of that incident! The bus driver (yes, the one who wrote me up) intervened, and said that is a ridiculous punishment that does not fit the crime. So, the assistant principal ended up giving in and reversing the punishment.
Maybe what is needed is to teach people how to respond when falsely accused of something, as you were able to do. It is always frustrating seeing the formers school bullies who are constantly speeding getting out of tickets by knowing the right thing to say, whereas the "good" person who gets caught doing 5 MPH over the speed limit on a road with a ridiculously low speed limit says the wrong thing and/or gets nervous, and gets the maximum punishmen possible.
Your story reminds me of an incident where I was getting off the school bus, and a bully put his foot in the aisle to try to trip me. But he failed and I accidently stepped on his foot, and he started screaming! The bus driver then wrote me up for stepping on his foot, claiming that I inflicted pain on him for no reason at all. The assistant principal (who, as I said, hated me) wanted to ban me from the school bus for the rest of the year because of that incident! The bus driver (yes, the one who wrote me up) intervened, and said that is a ridiculous punishment that does not fit the crime. So, the assistant principal ended up giving in and reversing the punishment.
Did you get any detentions for that? Why did the assistant principal hate you? They usually hate troublemakers and it doesn't sound as if you were one.
With the fakery you're describing, these people sound like politicians. Making an aggressive move and then playing the victim -- that sounds like a presidential race.
Did you get any detentions for that? Why did the assistant principal hate you? They usually hate troublemakers and it doesn't sound as if you were one.
With the fakery you're describing, these people sound like politicians. Making an aggressive move and then playing the victim -- that sounds like a presidential race.
No, I did not end up getting any detention for that incident. The assistant principal hated me since they tend to be former school bullies who relate more to the bullies rather than to those who are bullied.
I just remembered another incident. Another student who was about twice my size started a fight with me, and I tried to defend myself. We were both sent to the assistant principal's office. The other student openly admitted that he started the fight. Plus, as he said, he was about twice my size, so it was clear that I was just trying to defend myself. But we were both given 1 day of detention. Given that this was a clear cut case, where the other person openly admitted to starting the fight (so it was not a case of one person's word against another), I questioned the assistant principal as to why I was getting the same punishment for self-defense as the person who started the fight. The other student then agreed to accept 2 days of detention.
After that, the assistant principal dismissed the other student. He then told me that I was acting like a baby, and that the other person serving 2 days of detention does not help me in any way. And that I would have been better off just allowing him to serve 1 day of detention, to get it over with. And that the extra day just makes him mad at me for an extra day.
Do you agree that this was basically an admission by the assistant principal that detention is not an effective punishment?
As for me acting like a baby: I wasn't trying to get additional punishment for the bully; I was trying to get my detention reversed.
Later that day, one of my teachers who happened to witness the fight spoke with the assistant principal. She told him that the other kid started the fight, and that I should not be given detention for defending myself. But the assistant principal refused to reverse my detention. But I do have to give that teacher a lot of credit for standing up to an assistant principal when she felt that it was right.
During detention the next day, the person who bullied me got in trouble for chewing gum, and was asked to get rid of his gum. He instead threw the gum at me. The teacher did not see that happen. But I just ignored it, since, at that point, I figured that telling the teacher was just looking for more trouble.
I just remembered another incident. Another student who was about twice my size started a fight with me, and I tried to defend myself. We were both sent to the assistant principal's office. The other student openly admitted that he started the fight. Plus, as he said, he was about twice my size, so it was clear that I was just trying to defend myself. But we were both given 1 day of detention. Given that this was a clear cut case, where the other person openly admitted to starting the fight (so it was not a case of one person's word against another), I questioned the assistant principal as to why I was getting the same punishment for self-defense as the person who started the fight. The other student then agreed to accept 2 days of detention.
After that, the assistant principal dismissed the other student. He then told me that I was acting like a baby, and that the other person serving 2 days of detention does not help me in any way. And that I would have been better off just allowing him to serve 1 day of detention, to get it over with. And that the extra day just makes him mad at me for an extra day.
Do you agree that this was basically an admission by the assistant principal that detention is not an effective punishment?
As for me acting like a baby: I wasn't trying to get additional punishment for the bully; I was trying to get my detention reversed.
Later that day, one of my teachers who happened to witness the fight spoke with the assistant principal. She told him that the other kid started the fight, and that I should not be given detention for defending myself. But the assistant principal refused to reverse my detention. But I do have to give that teacher a lot of credit for standing up to an assistant principal when she felt that it was right.
During detention the next day, the person who bullied me got in trouble for chewing gum, and was asked to get rid of his gum. He instead threw the gum at me. The teacher did not see that happen. But I just ignored it, since, at that point, I figured that telling the teacher was just looking for more trouble.
I guess it was good for a change that the person who instigated the fight at least got some punishment, and ended up with more than you. Though your teacher was right, and you should not have been punished for defending yourself. The Assistant Principal's refusal to listen to the teacher forms an interesting contrast with his acceptance of accounts from student "witnesses" to decide who was to be punished in other incidents. If the school had an iron clad policy that both students involved in a fight get punished (as my school did), his action would be more understandable. But apparently it did not have that policy, since you alone were punished for incidents that other people instigated on other occasions.
In terms of whether detention is an effective punishment, I think it is for certain kids and certain infractions, but for others it is not. I get the sense that in this case, the Assistant Principal was going through the motions, and knew that the detentions he gave out for that incident would not end the issue. He knew the problem would persist and probably had no other answer.
Surely you did the right thing by ignoring the gum throwing while in detention. With the way things were at that school, you'd likely have been warming a seat in detention for an additional day for the crime of having gum thrown at you if you had made it an issue.
Did you ever consider refusing to serve detentions that were assigned to you unfairly? When I was in 11th grade, I had an American History teacher who gave me detention repeatedly, usually for laughing at some wiseass comment the kid behind me would make under his breath. The last week before midwinter break, leading up to Friday, he had given me detention once or twice and I served them. Then we got to Friday, and he gave me another detention. I was steaming, and decided not to serve it that day as required. As soon as last period ended, I was out of there.
The Sunday before school was to start again, I suddenly remembered that I would be probably getting in trouble as soon as I went back to school for skipping detention, and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. Skipping detention usually meant at least one additional day on top of the one skipped. Sure enough, I was summoned to the dean's office during homeroom on Momday morning. As soon as he brought the issue up, I told him that I had forgotten I had detention that Friday before vacation (a total lie) but I quickly offered to serve it that Monday. I wanted to head off him giving me addition days. Luckily, he accepted and didn't push the issue further, and I served my detention that afternoon but didn't have to do additional time for skipping out that Friday before vacation. And serving my time on e Monday I came back was a lot better than serving it on a Friday before a long vacation. I had done that once in 9th grade, the last day before Christmas vacation, and it was much worse than on a regular day.
What would have happened if you'd simply refused to serve an unfair detention?
Last edited by dazzleman; 08-17-2016 at 02:54 AM..
I guess it was good for a change that the person who instigated the fight at least got some punishment, and ended up with more than you. Though your teacher was right, and you should not have been punished for defending yourself. The Assistant Principal's refusal to listen to the teacher forms an interesting contrast with his acceptance of accounts from student "witnesses" to decide who was to be punished in other incidents.
In this case, the teacher didn't really tell the assistant principal anything new. The other student openly admitted that he started the fight, so there was no need for witnesses (whether students or teachers). The assistant principal knew full well that the other kid started the fight; he just felt that I deserved detention for defending myself. The school handbook did say that once detention was assigned, it will not be reversed except under extreme circumstances. So, whether fair or not, the assistant principal did follow the rule by not reversing the detention.
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If the school had an iron clad policy that both students involved in a fight get punished (as my school did), his action would be more understandable. But apparently it did not have that policy, since you alone were punished for incidents that other people instigated on other occasions.
I definitely do not agree with that policy your school had. If you get detention for defending yourself, are you supposed to just stand there and take the beating? However, sometimes I do feel that at least having a policy (even an unfair policy) is better than having no policy at all. That way, at least students know what to expect, and at least the rules are applied consistently. Not having a policy means that penalties are determined by the popularity of the students involved and by what type of mood the assistant principal happens to be in that day.
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In terms of whether detention is an effective punishment, I think it is for certain kids and certain infractions, but for others it is not.
Which brings up a question: should punishments be tailored to the student, even if it means 2 different students getting different punishments for the same offense, if a punishment is given that is believed to be more effective for that student.
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I get the sense that in this case, the Assistant Principal was going through the motions, and knew that the detentions he gave out for that incident would not end the issue. He knew the problem would persist and probably had no other answer.
Yes, that is definitely true. Which brings up a good question: what is an appropriate punishment for a bully?
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Surely you did the right thing by ignoring the gum throwing while in detention. With the way things were at that school, you'd likely have been warming a seat in detention for an additional day for the crime of having gum thrown at you if you had made it an issue.
Did you ever consider refusing to serve detentions that were assigned to you unfairly? When I was in 11th grade, I had an American History teacher who gave me detention repeatedly, usually for laughing at some wiseass comment the kid behind me would make under his breath. The last week before midwinter break, leading up to Friday, he had given me detention once or twice and I served them. Then we got to Friday, and he gave me another detention. I was steaming, and decided not to serve it that day as required. As soon as last period ended, I was out of there.
The Sunday before school was to start again, I suddenly remembered that I would be probably getting in trouble as soon as I went back to school for skipping detention, and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. Skipping detention usually meant at least one additional day on top of the one skipped. Sure enough, I was summoned to the dean's office during homeroom on Momday morning. As soon as he brought the issue up, I told him that I had forgotten I had detention that Friday before vacation (a total lie) but I quickly offered to serve it that Monday. I wanted to head off him giving me addition days. Luckily, he accepted and didn't push the issue further, and I served my detention that afternoon but didn't have to do additional time for skipping out that Friday before vacation. And serving my time on e Monday I came back was a lot better than serving it on a Friday before a long vacation. I had done that once in 9th grade, the last day before Christmas vacation, and it was much worse than on a regular day.
What would have happened if you'd simply refused to serve an unfair detention?
No, I never refused to serve a detention that was assigned. The punishment for refusing to serve a detention was being suspended from school. That would go on your permanent record, and would result in an unexcused absence from every class. Not something I wanted on my record.
Which brings up an interesting point: in general, punishments have to be severe enough to act as a deterrent to bad behavior, but mild enough that you are unlikely to seriously fight it. And, the penalty for refusing to serve a punishment has to be severe enough that it is not an acceptable alternative to serving the punishment for somebody who wants to prove a point.
You got very lucky in that story above where he believed that you had forgotten about detention and didn't assign you an extra day.
In this case, the teacher didn't really tell the assistant principal anything new. The other student openly admitted that he started the fight, so there was no need for witnesses (whether students or teachers). The assistant principal knew full well that the other kid started the fight; he just felt that I deserved detention for defending myself. The school handbook did say that once detention was assigned, it will not be reversed except under extreme circumstances. So, whether fair or not, the assistant principal did follow the rule by not reversing the detention.
I definitely do not agree with that policy your school had. If you get detention for defending yourself, are you supposed to just stand there and take the beating? However, sometimes I do feel that at least having a policy (even an unfair policy) is better than having no policy at all. That way, at least students know what to expect, and at least the rules are applied consistently. Not having a policy means that penalties are determined by the popularity of the students involved and by what type of mood the assistant principal happens to be in that day.
Which brings up a question: should punishments be tailored to the student, even if it means 2 different students getting different punishments for the same offense, if a punishment is given that is believed to be more effective for that student.
Yes, that is definitely true. Which brings up a good question: what is an appropriate punishment for a bully?
No, I never refused to serve a detention that was assigned. The punishment for refusing to serve a detention was being suspended from school. That would go on your permanent record, and would result in an unexcused absence from every class. Not something I wanted on my record.
Which brings up an interesting point: in general, punishments have to be severe enough to act as a deterrent to bad behavior, but mild enough that you are unlikely to seriously fight it. And, the penalty for refusing to serve a punishment has to be severe enough that it is not an acceptable alternative to serving the punishment for somebody who wants to prove a point.
You got very lucky in that story above where he believed that you had forgotten about detention and didn't assign you an extra day.
I agree that a bad policy is worse than none at all. I have conflicted thoughts about that policy because often a fight was not so black and white. There was often not a clear perpetrator or victim, and without a policy, the wrong person could get punished while the perpetrator gets off the hook, as happened with you. Better to punish both parties than ONLY the victim. For you to sit in detention day after day while those who started the incident were off having fun had to have been seriously demoralizing. I also have concerns about officially labeling people as victims, even if they are, for fear they will internalize their victim status. I would rather serve detention than be labeled a victim, and I think fighting back was worth every detention.
As for what would be effective to curb bullying, I would have given the other student in your incident at least 5 days detention, especially with his admission and an eyewitness account from a teacher. I might have given you one detention, even though you didn't really deserve it, to avoid labeling you as a victim.
Should punishments be tailored to a particular student? Very interesting question. Different students have different punishment thresholds, just as different adults do. I have a high punishment threshold and was willing to persist in the face of many detentions, while other students were frightened off just by the prospect of one detention. Even now, I like to drive fast and have persisted even after some heavy fines. It makes me think of Switzerland and Finland, where speeding fines are set as a percentage of income, not a fixed currency amount, since a fixed some of money has much less value to a high income person than a low income person. There are arguments to be made for this. In terms of school, I think previous record should be taken into account. Punishments should become heavier if a student is persisting in violations. For example, if that kid who started with you had done it before with anybody, he should have gotten a heavier punishment than someone doing it for the first time, even if the other person was equally guilty in this particular instance. I see nothing wrong with the same crime carrying more severe penalties for a repeat offender.
Knowing how schools generally work, I bet that if your parents had backed you up and helped you fight back against the unjustified detentions that you received, the school would have found a way to stop assigning them to you. They respond to the more aggressive parents, and the fact that you just served those detentions and your parents effectively acquiesced in the situation made assigning you detention for those incidents the path of least resistance for the school administration.
In my case, I never wanted my parents to know when I had detention because I generally always deserved them.... I was lucky that he accepted my excuse about the skipped detention and just let me serve it on a better day. But an additional detention wouldn't have been that big of a deal. During that period, I was having issues with 2 teachers and I was in detention twice a week on average. When you're dripping wet, what's a few more drops of water? I think it helped that the dean liked me. I was respectful and even though I got a healthy number of detentions, I always served them without incident and didn't make the dean come after me or jerk him around. So skipping that detention was a real aberration for me. By the time I got back from vacation, I was over my anger about the detention and more afraid of the consequences of having skipped it. I did not want the dean to call my parents, since I had been getting detention a lot during that time and had been lying to them about why I was always getting home from school so late. I would have gladly taken even 2 or 3 extra days if necessary to avoid that phone call.
Last edited by dazzleman; 08-17-2016 at 03:35 PM..
As for what would be effective to curb bullying, I would have given the other student in your incident at least 5 days detention, especially with his admission and an eyewitness account from a teacher. I might have given you one detention, even though you didn't really deserve it, to avoid labeling you as a victim.
Although, our society tends to treat people who admit guilt more leniently. Unfortunately, it results in people who were falsely accused getting a more severe punishment than someone who is obviously guilty. In our legal system, the person who is obviously guilty will plea bargain down to a minor charge, while the person who is falsely accused won't even be eligible for parole unless he/she confesses to a crime that he/she did not commit. Remember, when I was given 5 days of detention for being falsely accused of stabbing another student with a pen (no evidence, no witnesses), only 2 of those days were for allegedly stabbing the kid. 2 of the days were for lying about it (since I refused to admit to something I didn't do) and the 5th day was for showing no remorse. The next day, another student stabbed me with a pencil, and was caught red-handed, and was only given 2 days of detention.
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Should punishments be tailored to a particular student? Very interesting question. Different students have different punishment thresholds, just as different adults do. I have a high punishment threshold and was willing to persist in the face of many detentions, while other students were frightened off just by the prospect of one detention. Even now, I like to drive fast and have persisted even after some heavy fines.
I'm the other way around: I have a very low punishment threshold.
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It makes me think of Switzerland and Finland, where speeding fines are set as a percentage of income, not a fixed currency amount, since a fixed some of money has much less value to a high income person than a low income person. There are arguments to be made for this.
Yes, there is a valid argument either way.
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In terms of school, I think previous record should be taken into account. Punishments should become heavier if a student is persisting in violations. For example, if that kid who started with you had done it before with anybody, he should have gotten a heavier punishment than someone doing it for the first time, even if the other person was equally guilty in this particular instance. I see nothing wrong with the same crime carrying more severe penalties for a repeat offender.
Knowing how schools generally work, I bet that if your parents had backed you up and helped you fight back against the unjustified detentions that you received, the school would have found a way to stop assigning them to you. They respond to the more aggressive parents, and the fact that you just served those detentions and your parents effectively acquiesced in the situation made assigning you detention for those incidents the path of least resistance for the school administration.
Yes, that is definitely the case. I do realize that my parents had good intentions in thinking that they were teaching me a life lesson by not intervening when I was being treated unfairly. But, ironically, that resulted in me being bullied by students, parents, and administrators. While I realize that they wanted me to learn that life isn't fair, I do not feel that my parents realized that they were enabling bullying.
I agree that in the above incident, the assistant principal was just looking for the easy way out, and to appear on the surface to be giving lip service to bullying, without actually doing anything about it at all.
I do feel that part of why I was bullied was so that I would get detention and would be disqualified from honor roll if I had to serve 5 days or more. Even in the off chance that the bullies were given detention too, it didn't matter, since they would not have qualified for honor roll anyway.
I still argue that looking back on it, the worst bullying I ever had to endure was in 6th grade when I had 5 days of detention, and for the remainder of the school year, almost the entire school bus, including the driver, sang a song about me being disqualified from honor roll. That was the worst, since it was every single day for about 10 weeks or so, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it. Nobody was breaking any rules. Self-defense was moot since nobody was physically attacking me, plus even if they were, there was no way I could fight the entire school bus. Ironically, I did get honor roll since the assistant principal made an error when recording my detention, but that was hardly any vindication. This was far worse than the detention, since listening to that song lasted many weeks, rather than the 5 (actually 4) days the detention lasted.
I can only remember 2 incidents where my parents stood up for me; neither involved bullying. The first was in 6th grade, when in my reading class, during one of the quarters, I got an A on every assignment and exam, but the teacher gave me a B as my grade for the quarter. When I questioned the teacher, she said that my work was not high enough quality to earn an A as a quarter grade. My parents did not consider that to be a valid explanation, so (without even telling me) they requested to meet with that teacher (I honestly did not want to further pursue it, but I guess they did). My guidance counselor then had the bright idea of scheduling a conference with my parents and every one of my teachers, not just that one. It basically turned into a session where my teachers told my parents how much they dislike me. And that teacher still did not change the grade. Honestly, I don't even think my parents were trying to get the grade changed to an A, but were rather telling her that if I was doing B work all quarter, she should have been giving me B's on my assignments rather than A's.
The other incident where my parents intervened was when my 8th grade math teacher kept giving me a 3 (the worst score) in behavior in order to disqualify me from the honor roll. In that case, the assistant principal told my parents that I definitely did not deserve the 3, but that there is nothing he can do about it since he does not have the power to override a behavior grade (which sounds like bull to me).
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In my case, I never wanted my parents to know when I had detention because I generally always deserved them.... I was lucky that he accepted my excuse about the skipped detention and just let me serve it on a better day. But an additional detention wouldn't have been that big of a deal. During that period, I was having issues with 2 teachers and I was in detention twice a week on average. When you're dripping wet, what's a few more drops of water? I think it helped that the dean liked me. I was respectful and even though I got a healthy number of detentions, I always served them without incident and didn't make the dean come after me or jerk him around. So skipping that detention was a real aberration for me. By the time I got back from vacation, I was over my anger about the detention and more afraid of the consequences of having skipped it. I did not want the dean to call my parents, since I had been getting detention a lot during that time and had been lying to them about why I was always getting home from school so late. I would have gladly taken even 2 or 3 extra days if necessary to avoid that phone call.
In my case, my parents would always find out, since the assistant principal would call my parents, and I'd get a note send home that had to be signed by my parents.
Although, our society tends to treat people who admit guilt more leniently. Unfortunately, it results in people who were falsely accused getting a more severe punishment than someone who is obviously guilty. In our legal system, the person who is obviously guilty will plea bargain down to a minor charge, while the person who is falsely accused won't even be eligible for parole unless he/she confesses to a crime that he/she did not commit. Remember, when I was given 5 days of detention for being falsely accused of stabbing another student with a pen (no evidence, no witnesses), only 2 of those days were for allegedly stabbing the kid. 2 of the days were for lying about it (since I refused to admit to something I didn't do) and the 5th day was for showing no remorse. The next day, another student stabbed me with a pencil, and was caught red-handed, and was only given 2 days of detention.
I can only say that I admire your refusal to admit to something you didn't do.
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Originally Posted by mitsguy2001
I'm the other way around: I have a very low punishment threshold.
Which must have made it all the more difficult to find yourself constantly punished in the manner you have described. A high punishment threshold would have made it easier to minimize what you were experiencing. The 5 days detention is a case in point -- What were your thoughts as you sat in detention those days? Did you ever reach the point where you just were able to make the best of the time you had to spend there, or did you burn with anger at your treatment?
I started out with a low punishment threshold and I got some unjustified (in my opinion) detentions. At those times, I was basically consumed with anchor as I sat there and wasted away my afternoon. Is this how you felt? I took the attitude that if I was going to be punished anyway, I was going to earn it. I also convinced myself that detention was a joke and that it didn't bother me to have it. I imagine you never reached that point.
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Originally Posted by mitsguy2001
Yes, that is definitely the case. I do realize that my parents had good intentions in thinking that they were teaching me a life lesson by not intervening when I was being treated unfairly. But, ironically, that resulted in me being bullied by students, parents, and administrators. While I realize that they wanted me to learn that life isn't fair, I do not feel that my parents realized that they were enabling bullying.
I agree that in the above incident, the assistant principal was just looking for the easy way out, and to appear on the surface to be giving lip service to bullying, without actually doing anything about it at all.
I do feel that part of why I was bullied was so that I would get detention and would be disqualified from honor roll if I had to serve 5 days or more. Even in the off chance that the bullies were given detention too, it didn't matter, since they would not have qualified for honor roll anyway.
I still argue that looking back on it, the worst bullying I ever had to endure was in 6th grade when I had 5 days of detention, and for the remainder of the school year, almost the entire school bus, including the driver, sang a song about me being disqualified from honor roll. That was the worst, since it was every single day for about 10 weeks or so, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it. Nobody was breaking any rules. Self-defense was moot since nobody was physically attacking me, plus even if they were, there was no way I could fight the entire school bus. Ironically, I did get honor roll since the assistant principal made an error when recording my detention, but that was hardly any vindication. This was far worse than the detention, since listening to that song lasted many weeks, rather than the 5 (actually 4) days the detention lasted.
I can only remember 2 incidents where my parents stood up for me; neither involved bullying. The first was in 6th grade, when in my reading class, during one of the quarters, I got an A on every assignment and exam, but the teacher gave me a B as my grade for the quarter. When I questioned the teacher, she said that my work was not high enough quality to earn an A as a quarter grade. My parents did not consider that to be a valid explanation, so (without even telling me) they requested to meet with that teacher (I honestly did not want to further pursue it, but I guess they did). My guidance counselor then had the bright idea of scheduling a conference with my parents and every one of my teachers, not just that one. It basically turned into a session where my teachers told my parents how much they dislike me. And that teacher still did not change the grade. Honestly, I don't even think my parents were trying to get the grade changed to an A, but were rather telling her that if I was doing B work all quarter, she should have been giving me B's on my assignments rather than A's.
The other incident where my parents intervened was when my 8th grade math teacher kept giving me a 3 (the worst score) in behavior in order to disqualify me from the honor roll. In that case, the assistant principal told my parents that I definitely did not deserve the 3, but that there is nothing he can do about it since he does not have the power to override a behavior grade (which sounds like bull to me).
Middle school really is the worst. I'm glad the Assistant Principal made that mistake and you were able to be on the honor roll. What was your parents' reaction to hearing that your teachers disliked you?
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Originally Posted by mitsguy2001
In my case, my parents would always find out, since the assistant principal would call my parents, and I'd get a note send home that had to be signed by my parents.
How did your parents react to all these detentions? Particularly the time you got 5-days detention -- Did they blame you, or just encourage you to suck it up while acknowledging that it was unjustified? Did you ever get additional punishment at home for all the detentions you were getting at school? How many detentions did you typically total up to in one year during this period?
I can only say that I admire your refusal to admit to something you didn't do.
Admitting to something I didn't do is one thing that I refuse to do. I think there was only one time in my life in which I admitted to something that I did not do. I was in 8th grade and one of my teachers called my parents claiming that I asked her for a cigarette. That was totally untrue; I never smoked, and I certainly never asked a teacher for a cigarette. What I think happened was, there was another student in the class who had the same first name as me, a very similar last name, and he was a smoker. I suspect that she called the wrong parents. Unfortunately, my parents refused to believe that theory and said I was a liar, and said I would be punished permanently until I either admit to asking that teacher for a cigarette, or convince her to call my parents and admit that she lied. My punishment would have been not being allowed to leave the house except for school, not being allowed to use my computer (not even for school-related things), and not being allowed to play Nintendo.
Unfortunately, the incident happened on a Friday. I was not willing to endure my parents' punishment for even a weekend. So I lied, and admitted that I asked the teacher for a cigarette, just to avoid the punishment. If the incident had happened during the week, I would have endured the punishment for 1 night and the next day, would have asked my teacher to call my parents and say that she made a mistake. If she was unwilling to do that, I would have then spoken to my guidance counselor to ask for advice, and perhaps to see if he would be willing to talk to the teacher and/or my parents. But, unfortunately, it was a Friday.
I should also mention that the teacher never mentioned this incident to me, but I did see her talking to the other student that day. That is further evidence that she made a mistake.
In retrospect, I wonder how long my punishment would have lasted if I never confessed, if my teacher never admitted she made a mistake, and if my guidance counselor refused to intervene. I seriously doubt that it would have lasted until I was an adult. Would it have ended at the end of that school year? Would it have ended in a few weeks. Would my parents have eventually taken my refusal to admit guilt despite the punishment as evidence that maybe I was innocent?
To be fair, my parents should have not started the punishment that weekend, and given me Monday to either convince the teacher to call my parents to admit that I was wrong, or to convince my guidance counselor to intervene, and started the punishment on Monday if I failed. But that was not the case; my punishment would have started Friday night even though I would not have a chance to talk to that teacher until Monday.
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Which must have made it all the more difficult to find yourself constantly punished in the manner you have described. A high punishment threshold would have made it easier to minimize what you were experiencing. The 5 days detention is a case in point -- What were your thoughts as you sat in detention those days? Did you ever reach the point where you just were able to make the best of the time you had to spend there, or did you burn with anger at your treatment?
A little bit of both. In retrospect, that meant 4 days that I didn't have to listen to the song on the bus about being disqualified from honor roll.
Do you have any advice in retrospect as to how I could have or should have handled the singing on the school bus?
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I started out with a low punishment threshold and I got some unjustified (in my opinion) detentions. At those times, I was basically consumed with anchor as I sat there and wasted away my afternoon. Is this how you felt? I took the attitude that if I was going to be punished anyway, I was going to earn it. I also convinced myself that detention was a joke and that it didn't bother me to have it. I imagine you never reached that point.
No I didn't.
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Middle school really is the worst. I'm glad the Assistant Principal made that mistake and you were able to be on the honor roll.
Although an index card saying "Honor Roll" was hardly vindication.
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What was your parents' reaction to hearing that your teachers disliked you?
That I need to keep my mouth shut, to obey everything a teacher says, and to never ask questions in class.
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How did your parents react to all these detentions? Particularly the time you got 5-days detention -- Did they blame you, or just encourage you to suck it up while acknowledging that it was unjustified? Did you ever get additional punishment at home for all the detentions you were getting at school? How many detentions did you typically total up to in one year during this period?
I got detention maybe twice a year in middle school and never in high school. They never gave me any additional punishments at home. They basically just told me that life isn't fair and that I need to learn to deal with it.
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. I was lucky that he accepted my excuse about the skipped detention and just let me serve it on a better day. But an additional detention wouldn't have been that big of a deal. During that period, I was having issues with 2 teachers and I was in detention twice a week on average. When you're dripping wet, what's a few more drops of water? I think it helped that the dean liked me. I was respectful and even though I got a healthy number of detentions, I always served them without incident and didn't make the dean come after me or jerk him around. So skipping that detention was a real aberration for me. By the time I got back from vacation, I was over my anger about the detention and more afraid of the consequences of having skipped it. I did not want the dean to call my parents, since I had been getting detention a lot during that time and had been lying to them about why I was always getting home from school so late. I would have gladly taken even 2 or 3 extra days if necessary to avoid that phone call.
