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I like the college visit idea. Maybe that will be the motivation he needs to get it done.
Honestly, I think it sounds like he's a pretty smart kid. It sounds like he understands the content (at least the content that can be tested, if he is indeed doing well on the tests themselves), and I think there's a lot to be said for having the independence and will to take a look at his priorities and figure out for himself what he wants and what he needs to do it! It would certainly frustrate me, too, though, to know that he's perfectly capable of working harder, yet is choosing not to.
It sounds like he's a great kid, just not inspired to do his homework. What does he want to do after he graduates? If he does indeed want to go to college, then working to get better grades will help him to get there, so try to drive home that point.
All that said, I wouldn't worry about the future. So high school isn't his passion. That doesn't mean that he'll be lazy all of his life, or that he won't pour all of his energy into something he DOES like. Or, for that matter, maybe he WILL end up being the guy who settles for an easy job and is content with that; there's nothing really wrong with that, either, as long as he's able to support himself and pay the bills.
When it comes down to it, though, you can't make him do anything. You CAN try to provide some motivation (like the college options, perhaps) to convince him to clean up his (school) act on his own.
I need advice, educators and parents:
Our oldest son has a bad habit of not turning in homework. He tests fairly well and ends up with a C-D average. Then, the teachers give him time at the end of the term to turn in missed work. He gets some in, and gets a C, sometimes a B.
I am seriously thinking about asking the teachers to let him fail his last quarter and making him go to summer school. Somehow, I have to break the 'getting by' attitude he has.
He is sandwiched between our other kids who are type A high achievers on one end and very disciplined hard workers who work, work, work to get Cs. He is right in the middle, academically...but has no real desire to 'achieve'. I actually heard him and a friend calculating what they would have to get on a science test to get a C and be eligible to finish out the football season (his friend) and be in the school play (our son). UGH
He once said: "Mom, don't overreact about this stuff. I always have a hard time in math and so I probably won't make the A/B honor role even if I break my back. And if I do, really what does it matter? I behave in class, get good grades on tests and get some homework in. Why is that not enough?"
We've grounded, taken away 'screens' (ipod, etc.) and talked, talked, talked. This fella is just laid back, bright enough to get by and...charming. What do you DO with this? Should I ask the teachers NOT to accept his last minute work??? He is otherwise a nice kid, good citizen, etc. This attitude is also about scouts (why do ALL that work toward Eagle scout? Just do badges you like and go on the camping trips!).
Taben
If you don't let him fail now, he will fail in college or at a job. He is learning that he can skate by without doing things in a timely manner. This will catch up to him. I vote to let him fail.
If you don't let him fail now, he will fail in college or at a job. He is learning that he can skate by without doing things in a timely manner. This will catch up to him. I vote to let him fail.
I think she can let him fail, but asking the teachers to change the rules for him, specifically, doesn't seem fair, either. I think it would be unfair to ask the teachers to give him a special break that other kids didn't get, but it would be just as unfair to ask them to treat him differently, or to change the rules in the middle of the semester.
I'm not sure if that's what you're arguing or not, or if you just mean let him do what he's doing and face the consequences. It sounds like he's banking on not actually failing, but rather skating by by meeting minimum requirements.
Isn't that the deal anyway Uptown about the rules? I mean this kid seems to know the score. I am sure that the teachers told him in the beggining that if he did X amount of work he would earn an A, B, C, or D. He knows what it takes to get where he wants to be. I bet that he could be an A student if he chose to be one. Sounds as though he is choosing to be a C student. The rules were set on the first day of class and this kid chose to follow the rules, he knows how to pass the class and could care less about getting an A. I agree with you completly on this as the kid is doing what he can to get by.
I also see the parents issue as most parents want the best for their kids and see the potential that they have in life. I also think that this kid could get an A. Still he chooses not to do it. Should he fail? No. Should the OP monitor his work at home? I do with my kids and they seem to do well.
I think she can let him fail, but asking the teachers to change the rules for him, specifically, doesn't seem fair, either. I think it would be unfair to ask the teachers to give him a special break that other kids didn't get, but it would be just as unfair to ask them to treat him differently, or to change the rules in the middle of the semester.
I'm not sure if that's what you're arguing or not, or if you just mean let him do what he's doing and face the consequences. It sounds like he's banking on not actually failing, but rather skating by by meeting minimum requirements.
That depends on what the rules are. My "rule" is that you can make up any assignment for a 50% but that's all I'm giving you. At least, normally. I've had a few occaisions where a student really tried to turn around their grade in the 12th hour and I felt I had to honor the effort, however, I would not do so for a student like the one described here. This one is milking the system. He needs to fall down, skin his knees and figure out how to get back up on his own. It's one thing to cut a kid some slack who is really trying and quite another to do so for a student who is making a habit of relying on teachers to accept late work to pull their grade out of the crapper in the 12th hour. All this kid is doing is making more work for the teacher and he doesn't care. It's not like the teacher did it once and he fixed his behavior. He's not learning from this. He's laughing at the teacher.
If the teacher's policy is to accept late work then she has to abide by her policy, however, if she's making an exception for this student, she needs to stop and the parent isn't out of place telling her to do so.
Oh, I agree that this student is milking the system -- I simply meant that if the teacher's set policy is to accept late work then it's not appropriate for the parent to ask the teacher to change his or her policy for her child and her child alone. It sounds like we're in agreement on this one.
Oh, I agree that this student is milking the system -- I simply meant that if the teacher's set policy is to accept late work then it's not appropriate for the parent to ask the teacher to change his or her policy for her child and her child alone. It sounds like we're in agreement on this one.
I think we came away from the first post with different impressions. I got the impression that the teacher was accepting work that her policies would dictate she didin't. I've done it myself when a student appears to, truely, be trying in the end but I would not do it for a student who had a history of this behavior.
It is my son (I am OP) and yes, he is milking the system. Yes, he can do better. Yes, we need to do a combination of what you all have mentioned:
Monitor his homework more closely, daily
Give praise for hard work
GIve consequences when he fails to do things
Ask the teachers to not give special treatment for him.
The only suggesting that I think may not stick is talking to him about his future. He is in 8th grade, not high school. My goal is to get this homework/work ethic in time for high school. I accept full responsibility for not being harder sooner, but now I have one semester to kick start him so that high school does not start with a total lack of commitment and focus, which is what we have now. However, I have also not lost sight of the fact that we have a good boy on our hands and that is why I am gald for all the advice you all care to offer to help!
Taben
For some reason I thought he was an 11th or 12th grader. Middle school/Jr. High is tough for a lot of kids, especially boys. They're kids but we expect them to start behaving as almost young adults. The emphasis on high stakes testing earlier has really scrambled those kids. Add to that the puberty thing and you have a recipe for chaos. I'd like to tell you it will get better in 9th grade but it will be a slow process.
My 9th grader is the same-crappy middle school experience for 2 out of the 3 years (7th grade was ok, 6th and 8th were disasters). With both Mrs. NBP and I being teachers we were at a loss. Quite frankly the teachers weren't much help, their only response to anything was to write a referral-need a pencil, go to the office; use a pen instead of a pencil, zero on the work and go to the office, use wide ruled instead of college ruled paper, go to the office etc. I lost it at one meeting, I think it was over a 3 day suspension for not doing homework. So at one point we had a 12 year old, who had received a MD state citizenship award in 5th grade talking about dropping out when he turned 16.
This year, 9th grade, started out rocky but has smoothed out this quarter. One problem we've had is that many of his teachers had his sisters and brother and do the "Well___________ was good at this why aren't you?" That was more of a problem in middle than this year. As a note, his older brother also had problems in middle school but not to the degree.
As another note, boys in general don't like homework.
I need advice, educators and parents:
Our oldest son has a bad habit of not turning in homework. He tests fairly well and ends up with a C-D average. Then, the teachers give him time at the end of the term to turn in missed work. He gets some in, and gets a C, sometimes a B.
I am seriously thinking about asking the teachers to let him fail his last quarter and making him go to summer school. Somehow, I have to break the 'getting by' attitude he has.
He is sandwiched between our other kids who are type A high achievers on one end and very disciplined hard workers who work, work, work to get Cs. He is right in the middle, academically...but has no real desire to 'achieve'. I actually heard him and a friend calculating what they would have to get on a science test to get a C and be eligible to finish out the football season (his friend) and be in the school play (our son). UGH
He once said: "Mom, don't overreact about this stuff. I always have a hard time in math and so I probably won't make the A/B honor role even if I break my back. And if I do, really what does it matter? I behave in class, get good grades on tests and get some homework in. Why is that not enough?"
We've grounded, taken away 'screens' (ipod, etc.) and talked, talked, talked. This fella is just laid back, bright enough to get by and...charming. What do you DO with this? Should I ask the teachers NOT to accept his last minute work??? He is otherwise a nice kid, good citizen, etc. This attitude is also about scouts (why do ALL that work toward Eagle scout? Just do badges you like and go on the camping trips!).
Taben
Fail him. YOu are doing him a diservice by allowing him to skate by. Wait til he gets a job and does this garbage at work. Oh and the 8th grade thing, at this point in the year they really ARE high schoolers (I teach 8th grade) fail him.
Oh yeah....Fail him.
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