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Yesterday my daughters school called my cell phone but my husband happened to answer the phone. The person calling was my child's Principal asking to speak to me regarding an incident that had occurred at my daughters school involving my 7 year old daughter and her 7 year old classmate who by the way is a boy.
My husband was puzzled at the fact that she was more interested in speaking to me(I am a lot more reserved). It wasn’t until he interrupted her by saying “ what’s the matter I am her father” that she began to open up about the situation. From the start my husband wasn’t comfortable with the way she was trying to minimize the severity of the incident. She began by telling him “There has been an incident regarding your child and another boy in her class but don’t worry she is alright. Your daughter and this child were fooling around and the boy hit her in the private area”.
As you can imagine my husband was immediately infuriated and began to question the Principal by asking what the child's name was. She refused to give a name but my daughter had already complained to us about a child that had previously touched her and had even hit her in the past (three separate incidents).
When my husband told the Principal “ If the kid that did this is (name of child) than this is an ongoing issue and it ends now. I want to know what measures you will take to prevent this from happening again?” She refused to tell him and referred to her “protocol” clamming she can’t divulge that information. My husband proceeded to request for a meeting between parents where we can discuss the situation. Again the Principal refused by saying “ At this point I am not inclined to setup a meeting”.
My husband and I always told our daughter to tell the teacher whenever something like that happens. We’ve come to find out at the meeting with the Principal that she had been lying about telling on the kid because he would threaten her by telling her “ if you tell on me I won’t be your friend anymore”.
I was heartbroken and stunned when I heard that because I know it means a lot to my daughter for people to like her she is a natural social butterfly. At the meeting the Principal presented me with two options "I can remove your child from the dual language class or she can remain there" both of which sounded completely ridiculous to me given the fact that she was the victim. According to her protocol she has to remove the child who has been victimized and not the perpetrator.
There is only one dual language class and my daughter has been in same class since Kindergarten. If she is removed she'll feel like she did something wrong for speaking up.
When I told my husband about that he took it extremely personal and called her immediately after hearing the options that were presented to me by the Principal. The Principal did not answer the phone instead the secretary took a message and told him that the principle will call him back. After an hour went by and we still hadn’t received a call from the principal he called her again and she answered and basically said the same thing of what she can do.
I need advice as to what other steps I can take. I feel like the school isn't being of much help.
Last edited by toobusytoday; 06-04-2017 at 09:27 PM..
Reason: fixed typo - Principal not principle
My initial reaction is: lawyer up. The principal is allowing a hostile environment toward your daughter to perpetuate. And her solution is to punish your daughter, rather than removing the misbehaving child.
You should ask if the parents of the problematic child have been notified of their son's behavior. Have you already told her that removing your daughter from the class, wen she's done nothing wrong, is unacceptable, and that you want the inappropriate behavior stopped?
Move it up a level, call the district office. She is confused as to who should be moved, but more importantly, she seems to be trying to avoid addressing the issue altogether.
No, the principal can not give you the other child's name, that would be a violation of FERPA laws. The only way you will get that information is with a lawyer.
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You need more details about what actually happened between the two kids. You've got a lot of details here but not much that will help describe the situation.
So this boy is a friend of hers. So much of a friend that his threats to not be her friend anymore were enough to keep her silent about this.
Exactly what happened? Were they in a wrestling match and he punched her in the privates accidentally, or on purpose? Why were you so upset when the principal called to state an incident happened, although you knew of three identical incidents in the past? What about this one time was worse than the other 3 times? Why did you do nothing with the 3 prior complaints by your daughter. (I'm not blaming, just trying to figure out why this fourth incident was so upsetting to both of you where the 3 prior weren't upsetting enough to act on).
My son went through a phase of punching boys in the nads when he was in kindergarten, either in self-defense or to get what he wanted. We had to put a stop to it, but I don't think it's all that uncommon for kids to do that - it works. It does need to stop, that's true.
What does your daughter want to do, as far as being moved to a different class or staying in the one she's in?
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I went back and read through your profile. I can't tell what kind of dual inclusion class this is - from a post when she was in kindergarten, you kind of had to pull special strings to get her in this class because it was for kids who were academically behind or otherwise had an IEP? Sorry, I really couldn't tell what the class was for, and then you were able to get her switched into it mid-kindergarten year.
Is this the school's way of getting her back out of a class that's an inappropriate match for her to begin with?
Sorry - I'm not understand what the class is, why you wanted her in it and then when she was offered a spot you were really worried that she wouldn't do well because she didn't speak Spanish.
My initial reaction is: lawyer up. The principal is allowing a hostile environment toward your daughter to perpetuate. And her solution is to punish your daughter, rather than removing the misbehaving child.
You should ask if the parents of the problematic child have been notified of their son's behavior. Have you already told her that removing your daughter from the class, wen she's done nothing wrong, is unacceptable, and that you want the inappropriate behavior stopped?
The boy doesn't seem ready for school.
With regards to the other child's parents, she told us she spoke to them Friday and "theres more information" which we will be discussing Monday morning.
I don't know exactly what more "information" she's referring too because when I went to the school the Principal told me herself that the other child collaborated my daughters story.
I also explained that removing my child from the class makes no sense at all since she's the victim. Why have my child start all over in a new class when she's done nothing wrong.
If that ends up happening she will feel like she did something wrong by speaking up.
Move it up a level, call the district office. She is confused as to who should be moved, but more importantly, she seems to be trying to avoid addressing the issue altogether.
No, the principal can not give you the other child's name, that would be a violation of FERPA laws. The only way you will get that information is with a lawyer.
At the beginning she did not want to give the child's name, but we already knew who it was. We told her if its *&^% then this isn't the first time theres an incident with him. And she ended up confirming that yes it was *&^% after we brought it up first.
I went back and read through your profile. I can't tell what kind of dual inclusion class this is - from a post when she was in kindergarten, you kind of had to pull special strings to get her in this class because it was for kids who were academically behind or otherwise had an IEP? Sorry, I really couldn't tell what the class was for, and then you were able to get her switched into it mid-kindergarten year.
Is this the school's way of getting her back out of a class that's an inappropriate match for her to begin with?
Sorry - I'm not understand what the class is, why you wanted her in it and then when she was offered a spot you were really worried that she wouldn't do well because she didn't speak Spanish.
When she first started Kindergarten she was placed in a class that was for kids who had an IEP.
My child did not have an IEP.
So I was telling them to place her in the dual language class which is what I had signed her up for before school started.
Yesterday my daughters school called my cell phone but my husband happened to answer the phone. The person calling was my child's principle asking to speak to me regarding an incident that had occurred at my daughters school involving my 7 year old daughter and her 7 year old classmate who by the way is a boy.
My husband was puzzled at the fact that she was more interested in speaking to me(I am a lot more reserved). It wasn’t until he interrupted her by saying “ what’s the matter I am her father” that she began to open up about the situation. From the start my husband wasn’t comfortable with the way she was trying to minimize the severity of the incident. She began by telling him “There has been an incident regarding your child and another boy in her class but don’t worry she is alright. Your daughter and this child were fooling around and the boy hit her in the private area”.
As you can imagine my husband was immediately infuriated and began to question the principle by asking what the child's name was. She refused to give a name but my daughter had already complained to us about a child that had previously touched her and had even hit her in the past (three separate incidents).
When my husband told the principle “ If the kid that did this is (name of child) than this is an ongoing issue and it ends now. I want to know what measures you will take to prevent this from happening again?” She refused to tell him and referred to her “protocol” clamming she can’t divulge that information. My husband proceeded to request for a meeting between parents where we can discuss the situation. Again the principal refused by saying “ At this point I am not inclined to setup a meeting”.
My husband and I always told our daughter to tell the teacher whenever something like that happens. We’ve come to find out at the meeting with the principle that she had been lying about telling on the kid because he would threaten her by telling her “ if you tell on me I won’t be your friend anymore”.
I was heartbroken and stunned when I heard that because I know it means a lot to my daughter for people to like her she is a natural social butterfly. At the meeting the principal presented me with two options "I can remove your child from the dual language class or she can remain there" both of which sounded completely ridiculous to me given the fact that she was the victim. According to her protocol she has to remove the child who has been victimized and not the perpetrator.
There is only one dual language class and my daughter has been in same class since Kindergarten. If she is removed she'll feel like she did something wrong for speaking up.
When I told my husband about that he took it extremely personal and called her immediately after hearing the options that were presented to me by the principal. The principal did not answer the phone instead the secretary took a message and told him that the principle will call him back. After an hour went by and we still hadn’t received a call from the principal he called her again and she answered and basically said the same thing of what she can do.
I need advice as to what other steps I can take. I feel like the school isn't being of much help.
1. Put your concerns to the principal in writing, sign it, cc it to the school system superintendent, and, if you wish, your school board member. And make it clear that everything else regarding this case will be put into writing and distributed to the same people.
2. The principal is not acting unreasonably to not tell you what actions will be taken against the other child. That is covered under confidentiality laws in most cases. She could only give you a vague, general, standard answer to that.
3. Do you know who the other parents are? Why don't you set up a meeting with them?
4. Contact Child Protective Services to see if they can get involved.
5. ""I can remove your child from the dual language class or she can remain there" both of which sounded completely ridiculous..." In other words, no matter what the principal does, she's in the wrong. Pause. Breathe. Think.
6. I'm not clear. Was your daughter injured? Is this as bad as you see it being? If things were reversed, what should happen to your daughter?
Last edited by toobusytoday; 06-04-2017 at 09:29 PM..
Reason: removed principle/Principal - I fixed the OP
I'm usually the one at work who has to make these type of calls (I work at an elementary school). We are not allowed to tell parents the consequences of any student other than their own child, and cannot name any child other than their own (kind of dumb considering all the parent has to do is speak to their own kid). I really hate saying this to parents but in terms of sexual harassment or bullying there is no way to guarantee that the problem is over unless someone leaves the school. We can do school counseling, refer to therapy, suspension, restorative practice, guidance lessons in the classroom, and move a student.
Like I've told parents before when they have complained about other kids (and this is usually when they aren't at school but at home or the park playing) is that they always have the option of just calling the police.
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