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i'm a big fan of teaching kids how to handle it themselves. there's not much parents and school teachers can do if they aren't there to witness the problem.
if you are getting bullied, stand up for yourself. even if you catch a butt whooping, it's not fun for the bully if you aren't scared.
This is simply not going to work in a school environment. I've seen countless kids who have been taught to "stand up" for themselves. The result? Every kid acting as if they are a victim , thus "standing up" for themselves, and thus there are fights all over the place. The overwhelming majority of person on person crime in this country is a result of actions taken by someone who feels as if they are a victim of or have been threatened bysomebody else. What do you think the root of the gang mentality is? It's people saying "We gotta protect ours" from "outsiders". Those from other gangs are considered a threat to them. So, they take action (i.e. fight, murder etc) to "protect" themselves and "stand up" for themselves. Said actions cause those from other groups to feel threatened. These groups then take similar actions (fight, murder etc) of their own to protect themselves. And thus you get a sick, endless cycle of violence all from people who felt threatened and want to protect themselves. It's a crumy way to go through life. In a school setting, kids should be able to feel safe and be able to go through a safe, rational set of procedures (i.e. reporting bullying to school staff) to stop the behavior rather than having to fight/fend off bullies. Unfortunately, due to reasons listed above, this is often not an option for the kids.
This is simply not going to work in a school environment. I've seen countless kids who have been taught to "stand up" for themselves. The result? Every kid acting as if they are a victim , thus "standing up" for themselves, and thus there are fights all over the place. The overwhelming majority of person on person crime in this country is a result of actions taken by someone who feels as if they are a victim of or have been threatened bysomebody else. What do you think the root of the gang mentality is? It's people saying "We gotta protect ours" from "outsiders". Those from other gangs are considered a threat to them. So, they take action (i.e. fight, murder etc) to "protect" themselves and "stand up" for themselves. Said actions cause those from other groups to feel threatened. These groups then take similar actions (fight, murder etc) of their own to protect themselves. And thus you get a sick, endless cycle of violence all from people who felt threatened and want to protect themselves. It's a crumy way to go through life. In a school setting, kids should be able to feel safe and be able to go through a safe, rational set of procedures (i.e. reporting bullying to school staff) to stop the behavior rather than having to fight/fend off bullies. Unfortunately, due to reasons listed above, this is often not an option for the kids.
i hear ya...but things get so complicated.
i keep things simple...although my kids aren't old enough for school yet, i'll do what my parents did for me...they taught me to ignore what you can't control, and defend yourself when needed.
bully's are looking for attention, and the second they see a reaction from you, it's a win for them...the best defense of this is for parents to build self esteem, and for their kids to simply ignore it.
the bottom line is, bullying has been going on since the begining of time...it's always going to be a part of growing up, and not all kids will go through it. it's purely up to the parents to ensure their kids are equipped mentally and physically.
What did you want the school/district to do about it? LOL. The public school system is legally obligated to house and "educate" every single youth under the arbitrarily set "drop-out" age. Ifr the parents of the bully do nothing or not enough to stop the bully, he/she will continue to do as they please. That's the inherent flaw in the law of having zero wiggle room with defiant, disruptive kids. Until there is a legal loophole or alternative to the present status of having to have all kids in school somewhere-no matter how chronically defiant or even criminal the behavior is-, a certain percentage of schools are always going to have to sit back and absorb unruly behavior such as bullying. This is because there will always be a certain percentage of kids that come from home environments where such behavior is tolerated.
In our case, the school talked to many kids, and found out my son was telling the truth (this is after 4 years of bullying, on and off, and it was getting worse, and more kids were joining in). The bully was in 4th grade at the time, and was getting first graders to taunt my son, which they had to take seriously, and also, I had specifics because my first grader saw some of it. I also had the names of some kids that seemed to be getting tired of the bully bullying.
The school called four sets of parents, and the bullying stopped, so the kids parents must have done something. I believe the kids would have been suspended if it kept up, or someting along those lines.
It was a little awkward at first because I was not even sure which four kids got in trouble (I knew who two of the four were), however, the mothers all act the same. Also, the school got my son involved in some things that helped him get to make more friends.
I agree with most people here that the responsibility lies with both parties. I think the parents need to talk to their children about what is going on but I also think that the schools need to ensure that the children are recieving an education the way they are supposed to. Children are supposed to feel safe at school and when they are at school they are no longer in the care of their parents so the school becomes like a parent. With that said, I believe that the school has a responsibility to take care of it while the child is in their care.
I agree with most people here that the responsibility lies with both parties. I think the parents need to talk to their children about what is going on but I also think that the schools need to ensure that the children are recieving an education the way they are supposed to. Children are supposed to feel safe at school and when they are at school they are no longer in the care of their parents so the school becomes like a parent. With that said, I believe that the school has a responsibility to take care of it while the child is in their care.
This is all fine and dandy. Unless, of course, the child has parents or gaurdians that really aren't involved or don't care. In that case, it's a whole new ballgame. And, in many urban public school districts, that is the case.
The bottom line: You can't control anybody but your own.
Yes, you can fight a bully. By empowering your child and refusing to encourage or allow them to feel like a victim, you are fighting the bully.
Mothers have a tendency to make the child feel like a victim and allow them to feel like that big, bad other kid shouldn't pick on my jr. WHAT DOES THAT SOLVE? NOTHING.
When a child comes home and says they are being bullied, IMMEDIATELY have a conversation with the child, find out the circumstances and make the child feel that he/she is in control of themselves. If someone pushes them around, it's because they allow them to.
... As the law states now, all kids HAVE to be in attendance at school no matter what. If a kid is not presently in a (almost always poorly run) juvenile hall, they HAVE to attend somewhere. So, even if a school district expels a kid for what is essentially criminal behavior, the next district over has to take them. The kid can resume his criminal behavior at the new school. It can't ever really be stopped if there is no support from the home because there's a limited and mostly non-existent way to get rid of the kids and keep them out of regular public campuses.
That actually isn't true at all. There is no law that states this.
There is homeschooling and there are also alternative schools available almost everywhere. There are boarding schools and private day schools.
Homeschooling is growing in numbers by the thousands and none of those kids HAVE to attend anywhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by morandr
I'm not defending bullying, especially when it gets taken to extremes or results in physical violence. However, as a person that got picked on throughout school, I find it a little difficult to believe that getting teased about some form of difference is the worst thing in the world. Part of the responsibilities have to lie with those individuals around students that are getting bullied.Parents should be teaching kids that someone making fun of you is not the end of the world. If kids don't develop coping skills to handle some form of diversity they are going to be in for a rude awakening when they grow up and everyone doesn't want to hug them. So yes schools and parents should try and limit bullying, but at the same time they should also be providing for the development of skills that can help those getting picked on.
Exactly. The sad part is that most parents don't want that responsibility. It's easier to make their kid feel like the victim and put blame somewhere else.
I'm not defending bullying, especially when it gets taken to extremes or results in physical violence. However, as a person that got picked on throughout school, I find it a little difficult to believe that getting teased about some form of difference is the worst thing in the world. Part of the responsibilities have to lie with those individuals around students that are getting bullied. Parents should be teaching kids that someone making fun of you is not the end of the world. If kids don't develop coping skills to handle some form of diversity they are going to be in for a rude awakening when they grow up and everyone doesn't want to hug them. So yes schools and parents should try and limit bullying, but at the same time they should also be providing for the development of skills that can help those getting picked on.
The problem with that characterization of bullying is twofold: first, that it often doesn't stop with teasing. I can think of two lawsuits in this area that involve escalation to the point of broken bones and at least four more incidents in the local elementary that involved sexual harassment that became physical (and one at a local middle school escalated from teasing to the gang rape of a 13yo boy).
The second is that it often disrupts the classroom to the point that it interferes with actual education.
The person to blame is the transgressor-- not the victim. Being smart, or deaf, or klutzy, or not wearing from the latest from Justice or Abercrombie isn't a crime; nor is it an indication that the parents aren't doing their job.
The bottom line: You can't control anybody but your own.
Yes, you can fight a bully. By empowering your child and refusing to encourage or allow them to feel like a victim, you are fighting the bully.
Mothers have a tendency to make the child feel like a victim and allow them to feel like that big, bad other kid shouldn't pick on my jr. WHAT DOES THAT SOLVE? NOTHING.
When a child comes home and says they are being bullied, IMMEDIATELY have a conversation with the child, find out the circumstances and make the child feel that he/she is in control of themselves. If someone pushes them around, it's because they allow them to.
i share this opinion...
most of the kids being bullied probably aren't getting the correct direction from their parents to handle this situation.
As a former educator, my experience has been that the child that bullies is usually lacking something at home, and that becomes visible when you meet the parent. All schools should have zero tolerance for bullying.
I agree . Never understood how hurting others for no reason could be so fun . I use to defend kids who were bullied and in the 50s and 60s so did the parents . Now is different . We were taught not to make fun of anyone . The parents seem to be the problem .
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