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Recently uncovered USSR records have revealed that, in 1972, the top brass of the USSR developed a time machine and decided to send an undercover agent years into the future to "dismantle America and turn its citizens into communists," according to the documents. The records explicitly state the infiltrator's name, Barack Obama, at the time a white Russian female, as well as "his" purpose, as an insurance policy to cause the reinstatement of an American USSR in case the Soviets had already fallen at the time of the traveler's arrival. The following is an excerpt from the 1972 Soviet records, translated into English from whatever language it is that they speak in Russia:
"In keeping with the wishes of Stalin, praise and blessings be upon him, we the Soviet Russians have developed a time machine that will catapult Female Comrade Borack Aboma into the year 2000, in order that by her charisma she may overtake the American capitalist pigs and convert their warped minds to the cause of glorious revolution. Our only fear is that by sending her to time we will be converting her into a deep-voiced skinny black man, as has happened with all of our previous female time travel operatives, depressingly as many of our female operatives were quite attractive in our awesome Russian Soviet way and are now rendered skinny black men that look neither female nor Soviet, the sacrifices of these Comrades shall not be forgotten."
It is believed that Borack Aboma changed her/his name to Barack Obama after the leap, in the interests of disguising his previous identity. Why he changed only three letters remains a mystery, however. Whether this new information will affect the outcome of the general election in November remains to be seen.
After Obama's mistake on which camp his great-uncle helped liberate the other day, I had a friend that took the quote differently than everyone else. Everybody figured that he was mistaken on which camp it was. My friend thought that it must have meant that his uncle was in the Red Army and that it was evidence that he really did have Communist roots.
If it has (AP) or (YT) (youtube) on it, it has to be true!
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