Gym manager won’t leave me alone (lifting weights, punch, bodybuilders)

[Zoisite]

When I'm working at something that I can't afford to be distracted from in a public place I stick two very large and conspicuously printed sticky labels on my shirt, one label on the back and one on the front, that says in large black felt pen CAPITAL letters:

PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB

THANK YOU

It works a treat, like hanging a do not disturb sign on a door except the sign is on me. Everybody instantly gets the message and leaves me alone.

.

[temptation001]

Say something like "Hey man, I know you want to socialize and I don't mind talking after my workout (insert when it's better for you here), but when I'm working out do you mind if I just listen to my music? It helps me with my performance if I just focus on that".

[hbdwihdh378y9]

Originally Posted by Parnassia

This. Look, the details of the location may not be identical, but the situation isn't all that different from a workplace or some other space shared by multiple humans. For example: if I was continually being interrupted during my lunch break at work by someone who wants to socialize, I'd approach it in basically the same way. I would first assume that their intentions were good, but they simply don't realize they're intruding. Most people IME aren't mind readers. If I don't want to socialize, it is up to me to say something. OTOH, most people will get the message if I set them straight. Yes, there are people who are more clueless about their behavior than others so I may have to send the message more than once. Tell him your workout time is your chance to focus on yourself, no one else. For you it isn't social hour. Be civilly direct and be consistent.

"Hey, man, don't distract me -- I'm trying to focus on my workout."

Something like that?

[GSPNative]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

It feels like there's more to the story here. Generally, yeah, it's a social norm to not talk to someone with headphones on, but it's also odd behavior to walk away from or not acknowledge someone who's trying to talk to you or get your attention. Even if you don't want to strike up a conversation, this isn't a stranger on the bus, this is an employee of a business you patronize regularly. Is he just making small talk, or is there something that he's trying to tell you, like you're using equipment improperly or taking too much time on the machine?

He comes up and talks at me about:

1. His musical tastes
2. What he thinks the next Covid variant will be
3. How other members are starting to go back to their offices instead of working from home
Etc.

He’s never mentioned anything about my own gym use.

Ruth4Truth, sorry, I didn’t fully answer you. There are only a handful of other people in the gym when I’m there. When the manager moves on from me, he goes and talks at others (one other guy who lifts weights) for the rest of the hour that I’m there.

I’ll say something and try the “Do Not Disturb” label; thanks, everyone!

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by GSPNative

He comes up and talks at me about:

1. His musical tastes
2. What he thinks the next Covid variant will be
3. How other members are starting to go back to their offices instead of working from home
Etc.

He’s never mentioned anything about my own gym use.

Ruth4Truth, sorry, I didn’t fully answer you. There are only a handful of other people in the gym when I’m there. When the manager moves on from me, he goes and talks at others (one other guy who lifts weights) for the rest of the hour that I’m there.

I’ll say something and try the “Do Not Disturb” label; thanks, everyone!

Does he exhibit the same behavior with others?

Could he be (secretly) gay, attracted to you and looking for a possible connection?

Putting a sign “do not disturb” out there looks too .. weird to me.

Why not only once before starting the work out - go to his office, find him - say hi and tell him that you feel sorry to ignore him sometimes - but it is important for you to not get distracted and that you are not a “talker”.

You could even incorporate your loving being alone time because your beautiful wife/girlfriend won’t stop talking to you at home…

Say you appreciate his “friendliness” in general, but you can’t talk to him during a work out or changing in a locker room as you use the time to think about your work projects, concentrate on your breathing, etc

Basically, in a friendly manner tell him that you are NOT a friendly person.
I even ask him if he is gay or bi directly.

If he is hiding it - it may spook him? And he would stop harassing you.

If it continues after that - talk to a person above him. He should be fired.
Especially, if you are a club member. Unacceptable. “Don’t speak to a guest unless spoken to” rule applies. Greeting only allowed.

Technically, you have suffered enough aggravation already as it is to ask his supervisor to stop this nonsense - if you are not that benevolent towards him as to talk to him first.

[GSPNative]

He has a girlfriend who he has told me about.

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by GSPNative

He has a girlfriend who he has told me about.

It doesn’t mean anything if he is bi or questioning? Or just like an occasional romp if he thinks you are receptive?

If he doesn’t do it to others - you might did something to make him think you enjoy his company - something here just doesn’t add up.

Why would you be his target for chit-chat - so obtuse and persistent?

How other non-targeted people behave around him?

There is another solution: next time he is in your face- stop the work out, take off earphones and yell at him for interrupting- make a scene.
Then put your earphones back calmly and continue. Rude, but may work - just adhere to a code of conduct - don’t use bad words..

Wonder if you look different to him - and his harassment is intentional to get you off-kilter to ban you from the club?
Explore that possibility too - then don’t give him a satisfaction - complain to the club manager right away.

Again, he deserves to be let go.

[GSPNative]

Thanks. He seems to talk at at least a few other people. When one other guy is lifting free weights, the manager goes in and talks at him for at least half an hour. But I think at least one other person will actually talk with the manager instead of just letting him ramble.

The gym is full of athletic looking white guys, wearing workout clothes, age 23 to 90. We all look the same from what I can tell. (There are some women and some people of color, fortunately, although sadly not many.)

I certainly don’t want a “relationship” with another man. Not interested.

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by GSPNative

Thanks. He seems to talk at at least a few other people. When one other guy is lifting free weights, the manager goes in and talks at him for at least half an hour. But I think at least one other person will actually talk with the manager instead of just letting him ramble.

The gym is full of athletic looking white guys, age 23 to 90. We all look the same from what I can tell.

I certainly don’t want a “relationship” with another man. Not interested.

From what we could glean regarding his behavior - he might be

- clueless
- unsophisticated
- actually very rude

No matter his reasons -he isn’t a good candidate to work in a private club.

Complain to his superiors - then you don’t have to face him - sounds it is unpleasant enough for you already.

You could make a suggestion by e-mail to the club management that some members do not appreciate being a target for socializing by the employees of the club during their work out.

You don’t have to name him. They should figure it out.

See if it helps with the least efforts from you.

Escalate to complaining in person to the upper management if his behavior continues- with naming him directly then

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by L00k4ward

Again, he deserves to be let go.

That's a bit of an extreme reaction at this point, especially since the OP hasn't directly asked this guy to stop interrupting him. Once OP speaks up, then, if the gym manager continues to butt in, it's time to escalate.