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So recently I went to a wedding of a close family friend. It was an evening wedding at a nice hotel in a small city. I had to go straight from work, so I wore what I thought was a nice day-evening dress (a simple sheath dress in a dark color) and changed out work pumps for dressier ones. I didn't have on much jewelry. When I got to the wedding I was horrified to discover it was black tie. Many men had tuxes on and all the women were in full-length, glitzy evening gowns and tons of bling. I have no idea how I missed the memo on the attire for this wedding. The invitation didn't mention attire, and I even asked one of my relatives involved in planning the wedding if a relatively simple dress would be OK, and she told me it was fine as she did not plan to wear anything too fancy herself (I guess she didn't consider her gown all that fancy). I have been to many weddings before and none have been dressier than cocktail attire, and even then many people would wear a simple day dress instead. Never seen people decked out like this in my life except on TV. I thought cocktail and semi-formal was the norm unless the invitation said otherwise. Was I wrong? Is black tie the standard? Shouldn't the bride have mentioned black tie somewhere on the invite? Would you have known?
The invitation should've indicated "black tie", "formal", or whatever was expected.
It said nothing. There was also a website that didn't mention anything. I checked. But all of nearly 100 women were dressed correctly - except for me - so clearly I screwed something up. In any case, I will be much, much more careful when I am next invited to a wedding.
You didn't "screw up". If you weren't in ripped jeans and a stained tshirt you dressed just fine. You only think you made a mistake because you are comparing yourself to other people. I wouldn't ever wear an evening gown to a wedding as a guest. You'd be lucky to get me in a dress at this point in my life. Stop beating yourself up and start asking yourself why everyone else was trying to impress each other. That's all it was you know. Maybe this is how small towns try to feel sophisticated?
But all of nearly 100 women were dressed correctly - except for me - so clearly I screwed something up.
It appears you were the only one who did not know.
There HAD to be mention that it was 'black tie' somewhere then, or others would have been dressed like you were (which would have been perfectly fine for the majority of weddings I have attended).
IMO, if you are invited to a wedding, they care about you enough to invite you. I think they should appreciate you being there, and NOT judge you by your attire (unless you're wearing dirty clothes)
At the weddings in our city, there is a large range of different attire from casual/semi-dressy to formal.
A lot of younger adult males have lower paying jobs these days and can't afford (or won't spend the money) fancy clothes. Most of them wear dress pants and a long sleeved shirt, or short if it's hot, with a collar, no tie. Older men tend to wear more formal attire: dress pants, a matching jacket, long or short sleeved shirt, with a collar and a tie.
Women wear anything from dressy pants suits, right up to long fancy gowns. I find the younger adults wear short, sexy dresses and the older/middle aged group wear gowns or mid-calf length dresses.
IMO, if you are invited to a wedding, they care enough to invite you. I think they should appreciate you being there, and NOT judge you by your attire (unless you're wearing dirty clothes)
?? The OP did not mention that she was unappreciated or judged.
I agree; you were dressed appropriately given the information you had - which was none, so you dressed in what is typical wedding guest attire.
I'd be curious why everyone else was dressed more formally. How odd. Was it the location that would make people assume formal dress?
I wish I knew! I think one thing is that the bride and most of the guests were from another country. It's probably mostly cultural. However, there were other Americans there who were dressed the right way. I asked one them how she knew and she said she asked another guest and they told her. She must have been more detailed in her asking than I was.
I had another thought...
Was it a theme wedding? Princesses... or Cinderella's Ball... or something like that?
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