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I have been, er, cleaning things up down Netherly Way forever by shaving. I don't have much, I'll say that. But what I do have tends to be...errant. It's not, well, impressive, at least not in any sort of positive way...it kind of looks like the patchy chin of a homeless man who shaves every six days with a piece of broken glass. I just don't think that's ever a good look, whether it's positioned near the top or nearer the bottom. So I do maintenance.
But wow...I'm over shaving. I am just so sick of it. I wanted to wax, and go a few weeks between sessions. Let me put in here that I have waxed body parts before - just not this one. It was all good. It hurt a little, but that "a little" is important here, because my previous waxings gave me NO indication of what was to come with this whole bikini deali-o.
I chose to use a facial wax since most waxes I found online seemed to say they were for both tops and tails. I melted the wax, applied in Stonehenge formation (I'll let you use your imagination there) for that so-natural farm acre landing strip look and let things cool, and I let 'er rip.
Oh.
My.
GOD.
Actually, "God" isn't a strong enough word here. Is there something bigger than God? Or...more painful? If so, that's what I'd have been screaming, if I could have found a voice at all. Ever been past crying? Yep. That's where I was. So I tried just tugging. A little. OH DEAR BIGGER THAN GOD.
I stopped. Breathed. Squinted hard. (Why do we always think tightening up our faces will prevent pain? Does it ever?) And one, two, three, zip.
I'm not quite sure what happened after that. I get images of fading in and out; black, white, black, a woozy image of the green leftover wax in patches among screaming red under-layers of skin. The only thing that kept me conscious was the horrifying thought of the paramedics finding me there on the floor, patchy in green-wax-and-red-skin and one of the dudes chuckling to the other, "Look...she has a Christmas koos." Yeah, just nope. I gripped the basin, gulped deep breaths and...did the other side.
I staggered out of the bathroom on my knees, dripping wax curls.
There's still green down there. I don't have the emotional strength to pry it off with a fingernail. I can just imagine what my husband will say if he goes fishing for his Christmas present tonight. The rest of me is red just thinking about it. So basically, wherever I'm not wax-green or torn up, I'm blushing. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm thinking I did something wrong...
Anyone have any ideas?
I feel like maybe this just isn't the method for me. Is there one that doesn't involve ripping agony and praying for death to end the pain? If so, please chime in.
I would probably recommend using a cold wax kit (less risk of burning) designed for sensitive skin. And take a warm bath before waxing to soften skin and open up pores.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-28-2016 at 02:45 PM..
Reason: Off-topic.
You need the right wax for the job and it might be easier for someone else to do it. It's hard to do it with enough force to yourself. Especially now that you know how it will feel.
Ohhhhh,so glad I never tried that! I actually do maintenance by plucking/trimming. Yeah, it takes awhile but the results are good and it is almost a zen-like experience doing it. I hope the "smarting" from the experience has calmed down by now!
I have been, er, cleaning things up down Netherly Way forever by shaving. I don't have much, I'll say that. But what I do have tends to be...errant. It's not, well, impressive, at least not in any sort of positive way...it kind of looks like the patchy chin of a homeless man who shaves every six days with a piece of broken glass. I just don't think that's ever a good look, whether it's positioned near the top or nearer the bottom. So I do maintenance.
But wow...I'm over shaving. I am just so sick of it. I wanted to wax, and go a few weeks between sessions. Let me put in here that I have waxed body parts before - just not this one. It was all good. It hurt a little, but that "a little" is important here, because my previous waxings gave me NO indication of what was to come with this whole bikini deali-o.
I chose to use a facial wax since most waxes I found online seemed to say they were for both tops and tails. I melted the wax, applied in Stonehenge formation (I'll let you use your imagination there) for that so-natural farm acre landing strip look and let things cool, and I let 'er rip.
Oh.
My.
GOD.
Actually, "God" isn't a strong enough word here. Is there something bigger than God? Or...more painful? If so, that's what I'd have been screaming, if I could have found a voice at all. Ever been past crying? Yep. That's where I was. So I tried just tugging. A little. OH DEAR BIGGER THAN GOD.
I stopped. Breathed. Squinted hard. (Why do we always think tightening up our faces will prevent pain? Does it ever?) And one, two, three, zip.
I'm not quite sure what happened after that. I get images of fading in and out; black, white, black, a woozy image of the green leftover wax in patches among screaming red under-layers of skin. The only thing that kept me conscious was the horrifying thought of the paramedics finding me there on the floor, patchy in green-wax-and-red-skin and one of the dudes chuckling to the other, "Look...she has a Christmas koos." Yeah, just nope. I gripped the basin, gulped deep breaths and...did the other side.
I staggered out of the bathroom on my knees, dripping wax curls.
There's still green down there. I don't have the emotional strength to pry it off with a fingernail. I can just imagine what my husband will say if he goes fishing for his Christmas present tonight. The rest of me is red just thinking about it. So basically, wherever I'm not wax-green or torn up, I'm blushing. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm thinking I did something wrong...
Anyone have any ideas?
I feel like maybe this just isn't the method for me. Is there one that doesn't involve ripping agony and praying for death to end the pain? If so, please chime in.
TIA.
Mother nature is trying her best to tell you to leave it in it's gorgeous natural state. Shaving "netherly" for a woman is about like painting a big X through a Picasso masterpiece.
Mother nature is trying her best to tell you to leave it in it's gorgeous natural state. Shaving "netherly" for a woman is about like painting a big X through a Picasso masterpiece.
To quote my favorite movie 'It's Complicated' starring Meryl Streep & Alec Baldwin:
"I love that you stopped bikini waxing. You've gone native!"
I was going to try waxing my lady bits at one point in time. I decided to try a patch on my arm and I was glad that was the only place I tried. I had a bruise that lasted several weeks. Not sure what I did wrong but I'm sure I would have done the same thing down below.
If you don't mind some initial pain the first time or two that you use it, an epilator will get rid of the hair and keep it gone for a couple of weeks, sometimes a bit longer. You may figure out a time of month that the hairs seem less firmly attached and easier to remove. I've noticed I have a couple of days like that and I plan my hair-removal efforts for those days.
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I actually do maintenance by plucking/trimming. Yeah, it takes awhile but the results are good and it is almost a zen-like experience doing it. I hope the "smarting" from the experience has calmed down by now!
