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I had to laugh at the Taz shirt reference by pitt.. and I also got a chuckle out of the OP's story about mom claiming she doesn't like something after saying she loves it. My grandma is JUST LIKE THAT! Hates everything a month later, loves it when she gets it... I think she returned every gift ever given (especially clothing) until she stopped being able to drive on her own!
All the women in my family are hyper-critical. It's just what they know. I vow to never end up like that and so far so good, but we'll see huh?
Anyway, my grandma is in her 80's and she criticizes EVERYONE'S hair/clothes and always has. She has dementia now, but even way before that.. I remember one year at my son's b-day party, I think he was turning 8 (my eldest), she greeted my best friend (who is like a sister and who my grandma has known since we were both in jr. high ) with "Hi, how have you been? How's your husband? Oh, and your hair looks like s**t! You should fix that!"
Lovely huh?
She once told me a dress I owned looked better on my mom, and that I was "too fat" for it. I was hardly fat, and it was a clingy velvet dress I'd planned to wear for a New Year's party. I was crushed and refused to wear it and cried about it. That was a LONG time ago. Now I pay no mind to her or my mom, who is just as bad, but less "blunt" about it.
My son (16) goes absolutely bonkers when he spends time with my mom as she is on him NON STOP about his appearance. Hers leaves a lot to be desired but she never sees that...
Wear what you want/like and try to ignore your mom. My MIL is like that. It took me years, but I learned to just smile and let it bounce off. Guess what! When she found out - it no longer bothered me and/or I just ignored her opinions/advice. She quit 'offering' it all the time.
your mom is eighty...I'm not sure you are both going for the same look anyway. even so, if you don't see it I'm sure it is just a generational thing, if its comfortable wear it!
I don't think she means to be mean - I think your mom is feeling a little vulnerable - I guess at 80 she can't just slip into peach pants like you can? Perhaps she's a teensy bit jealous?
Maybe she wants a little attention, needs a few compliments - she's still a girl inside y'know!
Next time maybe try saying something like (whilst biting your tongue)... " I know - peach doesn't really suit me, I wish I'd inherited your coloring, you look lovely in any color". Or just compliment her on what she wears, how soft her skin is, anything!
I wear my daughter's hand me downs. She is 21, and dresses really trendy. I always get comments on what I am wearing, most of them are complimants. When people ask where I got my shirt or jeans, I love replying "My daughter's closet." Some even ask where "My Daughter's Closet" is located.
I come from a long line of opinionated women. Even though I am really close to my mom, she has made me cry on numerous occassions, over her thoughtless comments.
The worst was when I was getting married 10 yrs ago and my husband wanted me to do the whole princess bride routine at 29 w/ 2 kids, and gave me life savings $$ to deck myself and the girls out. I tied to take her along shopping,big mistake. I asked her to buy plain ivory tights tights for my girls and she got white with blue and pink polka dots( my color was lavender). i was so upset, and she made me feel real petty.She has great taste, but was dead set on making me feel it was ridiculous to care about all this stuff.
It sounds like your mom cares too much about what both of you wear. What we have in common is our reactions. I too was "open for discussion"for many years and tried to consider her opinion. Several years ago, I started changing the subject or giving her the brush-off, without being really rude or disrespectful. The most effective is to be a little worried or patronizing like"mom,these pants are fine- your just not used to the new color trends. Don't worry about it- I know your generation likes matchy-matchy.", all with a slightly patronizing but very sweet tone.Then change subject and do not further engage. Or do not respond at all in the first place. When she senses a change in you, she may criticize less. She won't be able to get a rise out of you.
I know this may seem cold but for me it has improved the kind of conversations mom and I have, it is not good for either of you to do the "jab jab" routine. Good luck and enjoy what you love about your mom!
I think age plays a factor here. Your tastes are simply different. Your mom may like getting a rise out of you by making the comments she does. It is a form of control. It is almost like siblings when they antagonize each other. The way I figure it is you guys could be dressed as twins and she wouldn't like what you were wearing
Don't respond to her comments in regurds to your taste in clothing. She will probably find another way to get under your skin ha ha You don't need Mom's approval in the clothing department. Wishing You Good Luck!
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Good luck
