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When I hosted my first dinner party for our neighborhood, everyone brought a dessert & sweet tea when they were leaving they packed up their leftover desserts, drinks & made "to go" plates of food.
My grandmother always did that. If you came to her house you were sent home with the left-overs all packaged up and ready to put in the oven to reheat. Even someone stopping by to say hello would get sent home with home-canned peaches or a bag of home made cookies. She was a fabulous cook. Needless to say people LOVED going to her house.
I do the same thing now. I think it's cultural because I see it in a lot of ethnic homes. And I always ask people what I can bring. If they say they have a menu planned I bring flowers or something. Bad karma to show up at the door with nothing, lol.
[quote=kelsie;26935877]When we lived in the North East, I would never go to anyone's home empty handed nor did they when they came to my home. Moving to the South 9 yrs. ago has been a very interesting experience.
I've lived all over the country, and I've observed all kinds of different behavior around guests bringing food or gifts, but probably the biggest shock occurred when I married a Southern girl, and went "home" with her for family visits. It was exactly as you described.
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When I hosted my first dinner party for our neighborhood, everyone brought a dessert & sweet tea when they were leaving they packed up their leftover desserts, drinks & made "to go" plates of food.
I know, I nearly fell over the first time we saw that happen, at my BIL's house. I could kind of get people taking home the remains of a dessert they had brought, because what did we need with half a dozen half eaten pies? But the making up of "to-go" plates, as if they were at a church potluck or something, completely floored me.
Ironically, my mother was herself born and raised in another part of the South, and she found that behavior strange too, so it's obviously not something that is done everywhere, but it sure was done there!
We were taught to bring something as a hostess gift, but NOT something to serve at dinner, because that would imply the hostess was unable to provide a complete dinner. So fancy soaps, pretty candles, note cards, imported candies, that kinda thing.
Today I make a judgment call based on how close we are, and how formal the setting is. For a formal sit-down, yes, I'll make a trip to a gift store to find a little something.
For an intimate little gathering, flowers are always nice, or a bottle of wine.
For a big casual celebration with friends, I'll ask what I can bring, knowing that often what they'll ask is whether I can show up early with my knife roll, and give a hand with the preparation, which I am always delighted to provide.
IOW, there's no single rule that fits all cases. Show appreciation. Use a little imagination.
I always bring a gift and some wine. I also call before I leave the house to see if I can pick up something that may have been overlooked. I would be embarrassed if I showed up empty handed and taking home uneaten food brought to a party is a bit on the classless side.
Amused at the to-go plates. If you did that around here, you would never be asked back.
In Australia, you always ask if you can bring something. We're not much for fussy dinner parties here, it's usually a casual backyard bbq.
They are almost always BYO (booze) and most people will bring something else too, maybe ice creams for the kids, garlic bread, nibbles, or a salad or dessert. They will also often bring their own meat to share around too, unasked.
I had never heard of the "To Go" plates before. To me perhaps the hostess should offer to make them for her guests as they leave if there is much food left so it is not wasted, but to make your own as if you owned the house without being asked seems utterly bizarre to me.
I would never dream of going into someone's kitchen and looking for aluminium foil or cling film or starting to make my own little leftover plate. Even with good friends.
When we moved into our first house a university acquaintance of Hubby I had never met before came to our house to visit, had barely entered the house that she headed straight to the fridge to serve herself a drink ( I am not an animal and would have offered her one as soon as introductions were over - she just made a beeline for it ) and proceeded to make herself a sandwich with stuff in our fridge.
I think I stood there with my mouth open and an expression of shock on my face. Shall we say this young woman was never invited again and I am still reeling about it, over two decades later !!! The conversation at dinner was rather frosty to say the least...
Hubby was taken aback too but his excuse for her that she had been one of his flatmates at Uni and obviously saw nothing wrong with this ! Poppycock. Manners are manners even at University IMO. And University was a few years behind both of them anyway. I remember her rifling through my kitchen looking for plates and condiments thinking she was behaving like an ill mannered Baboon... She must have been raised in a barn.
Cultural differences. You live and learn ! Should I ever move to Macedonia or the South I shall remember not to be appalled and crunch up my face like a gremlin should this ever happen to me !!
I had never heard of the "To Go" plates before. To me perhaps the hostess should offer to make them for her guests as they leave if there is much food left so it is not wasted, but to make your own as if you owned the house without being asked seems utterly bizarre to me.
I would never dream of going into someone's kitchen and looking for aluminium foil or cling film or starting to make my own little leftover plate. Even with good friends.
When we moved into our first house a university acquaintance of Hubby I had never met before came to our house to visit, had barely entered the house that she headed straight to the fridge to serve herself a drink ( I am not an animal and would have offered her one as soon as introductions were over - she just made a beeline for it ) and proceeded to make herself a sandwich with stuff in our fridge.
I think I stood there with my mouth open and an expression of shock on my face. Shall we say this young woman was never invited again and I am still reeling about it, over two decades later !!! The conversation at dinner was rather frosty to say the least...
Hubby was taken aback too but his excuse for her that she had been one of his flatmates at Uni and obviously saw nothing wrong with this ! Poppycock. Manners are manners even at University IMO. And University was a few years behind both of them anyway. I remember her rifling through my kitchen looking for plates and condiments thinking she was behaving like an ill mannered Baboon... She must have been raised in a barn.
Cultural differences. You live and learn ! Should I ever move to Macedonia or the South I shall remember not to be appalled and crunch up my face like a gremlin should this ever happen to me !!
Wow, just wow! I can't even imagine someone I just met rifling through my kitchen, pulling out plates and sandwich fixings. How on earth did you hold your tongue! That is just so bizarre! What on earth could have been going through her mind.
Wow, just wow! I can't even imagine someone I just met rifling through my kitchen, pulling out plates and sandwich fixings. How on earth did you hold your tongue! That is just so bizarre! What on earth could have been going through her mind.
I really was shocked. I did hold my tongue but I think the acid tone in my voice that evening might have been a little venomous... Not that she noticed. She did not even bring anything for Dinner and had also dropped on us unexpectedly. Needless to say she was never seen in our house again and Hubby never kept in touch !
I would assume she now lives in the woods surrounding by feral and wild animals, picking fleas out of their fur... Mind you knowing how society works these days she is probably CEO of some huge corporation and very successful. Shudder !
I have to admit I did take it out on Hubby a bit when she left for not taking her to task on her uncouth terrible lack of manners ( I felt it was not my place as she was not known to me) and he looked rather embarassed and sheepishly tried to excuse her with this " Oh, she is probably just a casual kind of person". Casual my giddy Aunt.
She needed a good kick up the backside and I wish he had thrown her out. We live and learn. If this ever happens to me again now that I am older I shall ask the culprit to vacate the premises and close the door on their way out. There is a difference between being polite and being a mug . I have learnt my lesson.
I do wonder though where those people come from , what kind of upbringing do you have to be so rude, and socially inept ???
I always ask if they need help or want me to bring something if the answer is "Just bring yourself" that is what we do. It is understood with our friends if we want/need the help to get things finished we will ask for it, if not we will tell you and when we say "Just bring yourself" we actually mean "Just bring yourself" and don't bring anything extra.
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I can't even imagine someone I just met rifling through my kitchen, pulling out plates and sandwich fixings. How on earth did you hold your tongue! That is just so bizarre! What on earth could have been going through her mind.
Mind you knowing how society works these days she is probably CEO of some huge corporation and very successful. Shudder !
