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"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
Keep doing what you are doing. Live below your means.
I think "everyday obsessive worry" is a little more than being frugal, though. I feel this person will NEVER relax- it doesn't matter even if they won 500,000 and paid the house off- I get the impression he would still worry and not buy anything new.
"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
Well I didn't grow up like that, although my dad certainly fixed EVERYTHING for as long as he could. But he absolutely loved a new car LOL. Anyway - for me personally, I could not live with that person (the one that is so fearful of everything). It's not my lifestyle and not the way I grew up. Not my cup of tea, for sure. I don't need or care about keeping up with the Joneses, but I don't want to live "as cheaply as possible" either. I like life's little luxuries - that is what I work for - to enjoy life.
The two of them need to work out some goals. There is something in the middle that both of them can agree on. Then they need to make a budget where a specific amount/percentage of money is allocated to needs and then goals. Money is a tool. You need an amount for the basics, but it's also a tool towards happiness too. Counseling probably would help. They both need to learn compromise. If he insists on complete frugality, he may loose a good portion of the savings when his wife divorces him and the judge awards her half the money.
I believe in frugal and budgeting and not buying things you don't need.
However, I also believe that marriage is for both people, not for one stingy obsessed person to force the other to live in poverty when there is enough income to be a little more comfortable.
You might lose all those dear savings, OP, when your wife gets tired of wearing hand-me-down clothing and driving a car that is falling apart. Divorce is expensive and one of the greatest destroyers of wealth.
Loosen up the purse strings a little. You can still budget. You don't have to go out and buy the newest and brightest, and shinyest all at once.
I understand the man's frugal mind-set and where it came from. But it's gone too far--driving a falling apart car and totally thrifting most of his clothes--and living in a small condo when he might let loose a bit is the problem.
Maybe some financial counseling AND some marital counseling are in order...both partners need to be happy and this fellow, while frugal, does not sound happy and his wife should have some say and comfort in this--not to go overboard and destroy their nest egg, but to have a sweet upgraded nest...
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
I think those things don't require being in debt. Not buying new shoes, doesn't require being in debt. Replacing a crappy refrigerator that does, doesn't require being in debt. Not driving a car that's falling apart, doesn't require being in debt.
At least in the car and shoes example, it's a case of penny-wise and pound foolish. I wonder how much of his savings will end up in the pockets of podiatrists or chiropractors. If his car is falling apart, at some point he's throwing car payments into it to keep it on the road.
"Our appliances are 20 years old. Much to my wife’s dismay, I keep fixing them with a $10 part. I am comfortable living this way. I grew up on hand-me-down clothes and I shop in thrift-store shoes. Our quality of life is really good compared to when I was a kid.
This is affecting our overall happiness. Our friends have much nicer homes with stone facades, big bedrooms and hotel-like master bathrooms. Every other neighbor drives a newer Lexus or Audi. Our friends and other people on social media are doing fun things all the time, or at least creating the impression that they’re in the Florida Keys every couple months.
I live in fear. I’m afraid of credit-card debt. I never want to go through that again. I fear that if I bought a $300,000 home in the suburbs I could lose my job next month. People lose their jobs all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people who lost their house due to financial hardship.
I worry that another downturn could happen, and the house would lose a third of its value. I don’t even know if I want to live here for the rest of my life. My issue is more than simply living frugally. It’s an everyday, obsessive worry about money."
This is an interesting article. I think many of us may be in a similar situation. You want to live as cheaply as possible, avoid debt and be free of being controlled.
She wants what her friends have; newer expensive stuff that requires being in debt.
What do you think?
What I wonder here is if this man is a saver married to a spender who perhaps has a past history of running up debt. There's lot regarding the female half of this partnership that's being left unsaid. How much money does she bring to the table and what are her attitudes towards money? Is the male half of this partnership a reformed spender or someone who had a crisis that necessitated taking on debt in order to stay afloat? I wonder about both since the author mentions not wanting to go through having credit card debt *again*.
Even though I'm thrifty and will be damned if I'll let the "Joneses" or HGTV dictate what I will and will not buy, there are times when it's necessary and good to open up the wallet a bit and let the moths fly out. Being penny-wise and pound-foolish and choosing penury out of fear is no way to live.
There a balance to be found between feeling the need to financially spread yourself too thinly in order to buy material goods just to keep up with what others have and having nice things as you can reasonable afford to obtain them--even if those nice things are purchased second-hand, are floor models, from the local scratch-and-dent, or cars coming off a lease. Obtaining nice things doesn't have to equal credit card debt and the lack of a solid emergency fund.
For the person cited in the article, a nice compromise between husband and wife could be purchasing a smaller detached house instead of a condo and gradually turning it into a sweet little jewel box of a home (less square footage to update and maintain means that nicer finishes become much more affordable--especially if a lot of the simpler things like painting, changing out lighting/fixtures, and landscaping can be done by the homeowner and his wife) and buying a nice, reliable car that's not necessarily a luxury vehicle. If neither of those options (not owning a McMansion with an Audi in the driveway) is good enough for the wife, this couple has issues of which money is a mere symptom.
As for seeing what others are doing on social media, that's a self-imposed problem if there ever was one. Stay in your own lane, go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine, and create limits on your exposure to it by removing (or never adding) it to your phone. When friends mention where they've been on vacation, it's okay to just live a bit vicariously through them and enjoy the tales of their adventures. If these friends are of the "look at me" variety and are into constant oneupmanship, they're not friends of the sort that are good to keep around if they're using their materials means to deliberately put you down.
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