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I was on ancestry.com doing my genealogy, and on a whim, I decided to look up the record of my first marriage. I married the first time in 1985 at just 18 (pretty much explains why it didn't work out, ha!). California marriage records are available online only through 1985, and 1986 onward you would have to pay the state for access since they changed the rules. So anyway, I was nowhere to be found! My ex and I had paid some lady to marry us, and she had us come to her house to do it. She gave us some kind of certificate, so now I'm thinking she never registered it with the state! So I'm a bit freaked out that it was all a sham and that I gave birth to my three boys out of wedlock! Is there any way to find out what the deal is?
I was on ancestry.com doing my genealogy, and on a whim, I decided to look up the record of my first marriage. I married the first time in 1985 at just 18 (pretty much explains why it didn't work out, ha!). California marriage records are available online only through 1985, and 1986 onward you would have to pay the state for access since they changed the rules. So anyway, I was nowhere to be found! My ex and I had paid some lady to marry us, and she had us come to her house to do it. She gave us some kind of certificate, so now I'm thinking she never registered it with the state! So I'm a bit freaked out that it was all a sham and that I gave birth to my three boys out of wedlock! Is there any way to find out what the deal is?
You should have applied for the license before the "lady" married you. Do you not have a copy of the certificate? The license gives you permission to be married. The ceremony just confirms the marriage took place.
You can contact the county clerk/recorder in the county where the marriage took place to see if they have a record.
Did you live in CA when you divorced? If not, where? CA does not recognize "common law" marriage but some states do. Did you not have to prove you were married in order to get divorced?
I lived in Oklahoma at the time of the divorce. He left me 13 months after we moved there, so I don't know if that would have been long enough together there to become common law.
Oklahoma recognizes common law marriage. In the eyes of that state, you would likely have been considered married even if you never got a license or had a ceremony.
What Constitutes Clear and Convincing Evidence of a Common Law Marriage?
The general conduct of both parties during their relationship will provide most of the evidence necessary to establish a common-law marriage. Relevant evidence may include:
the fact that the couple has lived together for a period of time (cohabitation)
joint income tax returns
joint financial accounts or credit cards
jointly-held assets or debts (a home, car, mortgage, or other loans)
life insurance policies and retirement or pension plans that list the common-law spouse as a beneficiary
using the other common-law spouse’s last name
medical records which list the common-law spouse as next of kin
testimony from third parties regarding how the couple introduced each other in the community and at social gatherings
cards, presents or other evidence of celebrations marking the anniversary of the common-law marriage
notes or other writings that include language such as “husband” or “wife,” and
family photos showing the couple wearing wedding banks (bands?).
That being said, you still need to check with the county where you had the marriage ceremony.
My state requires purchase of license prior to marriage and then the registration of marriage certificate after the wedding. The couple is responsible for doing both.
The wedding official is only responsible for being legally allowed to perform the marriage.
It sounds like your marriage may not have been registered.
I don't know, maybe in Calif registering was our responsibility as you suggest. I was young and naive, so obviously I didn't realize that. Wow, scary! I really messed up, it sounds like!
Look, you really need to contact the county where the marriage took place and see what's going on. Don't count on an online index to be 100% accurate.
Do you have the "certificate" that the "lady" who married you gave you? She should have asked to see the license from the state when she performed the marriage.
Fill this out and send it with a check or money order for $15 to the recorder of the county in which you were married. The recorder will either find it and send you a copy or tell you they do not have it.
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