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I could have written this post. We just moved into a new neighborhood where we are the only couple without kids. The neighbors seemed to go out of their way to avoid us. I did approach one couple as they were outside with their kids just to say hello, and they acted as if they wanted to be anywhere other than there with me. So after that encounter, I stopped making an effort. We go about our business and do not pay any attention to the neighbors. After a while, I noticed the neighbors started staring at us, as if they were interested in who we are and what we are all about. So I think the advice about being mysterious and not try too hard definitely has some truth to it. We're loners anyway, so no big deal if we don't end up connecting with anyone.
I could have written this post. We just moved into a new neighborhood where we are the only couple without kids. The neighbors seemed to go out of their way to avoid us. I did approach one couple as they were outside with their kids just to say hello, and they acted as if they wanted to be anywhere other than there with me. So after that encounter, I stopped making an effort. We go about our business and do not pay any attention to the neighbors. After a while, I noticed the neighbors started staring at us, as if they were interested in who we are and what we are all about. So I think the advice about being mysterious and not try too hard definitely has some truth to it. We're loners anyway, so no big deal if we don't end up connecting with anyone.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're going through this too. So do you think the reason your neighbors are avoiding you are b/c of the kids issue, or something else? We think it's the kids issue for us. What makes you think it's the kids issue for you, too? Actually, I don't think we fit into the neighborhood for a few other reasons as well, but because the neighbors we have met keep asking about kids and seem "put off" when we say we don't have any, that's why I think our issue is not having kids. There have been some actual comments the neighbors have made re: us not having kids that also makes me think this is the issue.
It's not a good feeling when you feel you don't fit into your neighborhood. I kind of wish we hadn't met any neighbors yet, so I wouldn't have this feeling. From now on I'm not going to make the effort to meet anyone anymore, and will try to be mysterious. Quite frankly, I don't have the mental energy to deal with this crap.
I was super friendly with my neighbors when I first moved in and went out of my way to meet them all. I was in an opposite situation and was only one of two families who had children and the rest of the cul-de-sac was full of original owners who's kids were long grown. Over the years every other house (there are 11) have sold to new owners at least once, my kids played with whoever was around at the time, and now I'm the oldster with the grown kids. I know some of my neighbors, but not all. We are now the "wave when you drive by" type of people. The ones with kids seem to know each other better but half the homes are adults only. I never was close friends with anyone here but it's still important to know a few because it's always nice to have someone to watch your house or feed you cat when you are out of town.
Why is the get-together for the neighbors odd? Actually, my hubby and I were thinking about doing something like this before we moved in, but now that we've moved in and seen how disinterested the neighbors are, we decided to scratch that idea. I think the idea of a get-together for the neighbors is very nice. I'd jump at the change to go to something like that, but after such a frosty reception from our new neighbors, I don't have any interest in having something like that.
Did you read the part about how he just walked into town and got into the local politics right away? I would've been put off by that too.
A number of the posters in that thread concurred that was weird.
I agree - A simple party to get to know the neighbors would've been a great idea.
...But this wasn't like that.
I posted this not long ago, so I went back and found the thread.
Here is a direct quote from another poster in the thread, that sums up my point of view on it. (Again, this is from somebody else, not me.) Also, people who try volunteering to make friends often seem to push their outside agenda on their new neighbors. Someone earlier posted about how they organized a huge neighborhood event and that hardly anyone showed up or ate the food they bought for it. Ok, well think about it. Wouldn't it be strange if some new neighbor moved to town, instantly become involved in an old land dispute they know little to nothing about, and tried to rally the neighbors to "their" cause? I would be pretty put off by it personally. Why are these new people sticking their nose in my business? That's the first thought that would come to mind.
So, you see, it wasn't just any old get-together to try and make friends. It was disguised as something else.
To come in from out of nowhere, get involved in a local issue like that... I would've thought, "Where did you come from and what are you up to?"
If I were one of those guy's neighbors, only in retrospect would I have realized the poor guy was simply trying to make friends...
Later in the post the guy lamented that they DID take up his cause and came to future meetings, but no one offered real friendship. So, in a roundabout sort of way, he let it slip that the "cause" wasn't even the point. I'm sure the cause would've been pushed to the back burner pretty quick if they'd all invited him out for beers that night.
On the upside I commend the guy for taking an interest in local issues. That is very cool. That shows he's trying to take an interest in his new community and not doing what many people do, which is start every other conversation with, "Well, back where I come from...." LOL But he should've just flat-out held a party to introduce themselves - no political agendas - and then very casually brought up the land dispute there, later in the night IF he hit it off with one or two people. I'm sure at least a few people would've been impressed that he showed some interest.
In todays society, most neighbors don`t want to connect with each other. Most people could care less because we live in a very narcissitic society. You are lucky if you just find one neighbor to be friends with. You will probably have to find connection outside of your neighborhood.
In todays society, most neighbors don`t want to connect with each other. Most people could care less because we live in a very narcissitic society. You are lucky if you just find one neighbor to be friends with. You will probably have to find connection outside of your neighborhood.
Yes, I agree. But one of the reasons my husband and I decided to buy instead of keep renting is that we were not able to find a sense of connection since moving here a few years ago. We were ready to buy a house, and trying to find a sense of belonging/community/roots was one of the main reasons we decided to go for it. But now I just feel disappointed. Finding connection anywhere these days seems incredibly difficult, especially when you relocate across the country, as we did, not knowing anyone in your new city.
In todays society, most neighbors don`t want to connect with each other. Most people could care less because we live in a very narcissitic society. You are lucky if you just find one neighbor to be friends with. You will probably have to find connection outside of your neighborhood.
I have to admit, I've grown up in small cities and towns my whole life and I've never lived in a Norman Rockwell situation where we had neighborhood block parties.
I'm not at all opposed to making friends with neighbors, but the idea of it being like a Lucy and Ethel situation where they just walk into each other's house without knocking... I'm too private for that.
I think people should find connections outside their neighborhood as well. I think only to have neighbors as friends creates a bit of a busybody atmosphere.
Location: At the end of the road, where the trail begins.
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Get involved with whatever your passions are....... there is where you will find your future friends. Neighborhoods can vary greatly from block to block let alone city to city and different parts of the country!
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