Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a question for people on this thread. I am heavily leaning towards a cross-country move for me and my two kids (18, 16). Very long story short, over the period of the last 10 years I have grown increasingly unhappy with the area we live in, and some traumatic events over the past two years have made things even worse. Literally the only thing holding us here at this point is family--specifically, my mother. She is very emotional and will FREAK OUT if we move away. She will not be nice about it, either. I will feel terrible for "leaving" her, but I still want to move. My question is, has anyone else been in a situation like this with family and if so how did you break the news? I am waffling over whether to tell her right now that we're thinking of moving next fall (gradual acceptance? but risking months of drama), or just waiting until it's basically a done deal (rip it off like a band aid).
I have a question for people on this thread. I am heavily leaning towards a cross-country move for me and my two kids (18, 16). Very long story short, over the period of the last 10 years I have grown increasingly unhappy with the area we live in, and some traumatic events over the past two years have made things even worse. Literally the only thing holding us here at this point is family--specifically, my mother. She is very emotional and will FREAK OUT if we move away. She will not be nice about it, either. I will feel terrible for "leaving" her, but I still want to move. My question is, has anyone else been in a situation like this with family and if so how did you break the news? I am waffling over whether to tell her right now that we're thinking of moving next fall (gradual acceptance? but risking months of drama), or just waiting until it's basically a done deal (rip it off like a band aid).
Any advice??
I can only speak for myself on this issue. I have only moved twice in my life, from region from which I originated. I needed a fresh start. We all did. Our extended family was more than annoying. Intrusive, judgmental and yet un-helpful. We did not enjoy holidays with them. Yet they used us, in various ways.
(also making a very long story short)
They pretty much went crazy when we told them we were moving. We didn't ask permission. We just left.
They got over it, and treat us better now.
The first move was not a good fit. So we moved again. We were accused of being "malcontents" and "gypsies". The second is a laugh. We're well into middle age and moved twice in our whole lives, with the exception of college in Massachusetts for me.
This next move seems like a much better fit. We like it.
Our kids were also in high school, and because of that I took a lot of flack. I ignored it. They are more than fine.
Follow your heart. Your mother will adjust and get on a plane if she wants to see you. It's your life, you only live once! I say "go for it"!
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,768,377 times
Reputation: 2610
No offense Philadelphians, but I really regret moving to Philadelphia.
It has been almost 4 years and I do not feel home.
However, I try my best to emphasis the positive. I definitely am adjusted living here now, but I am missing Miami everyday.
Do I try to get back to Miami? Eventually, or maybe I will try to go somewhere else like West Coast.
The reason why I stay here is because of my significant other's job.
Thanks for the reply, Sheena. I know she'll adjust. She can just be sooo emotional, and as you know, even as adults we tend to want to please our moms. I am kind of afraid if I tell her too far in advance she'll go around "mourning." On the other hand, if I wait until right before, she might see it as "lying." Ack! You'd think in my 40s I'd be able to make these kinds of decisions.
For the record, she is married and owns her own home, and is still relatively young (60), so it's not like I'm leaving her all alone and decrepit, hah. I guess I'm just wimpy.
Thanks for the reply, Sheena. I know she'll adjust. She can just be sooo emotional, and as you know, even as adults we tend to want to please our moms. I am kind of afraid if I tell her too far in advance she'll go around "mourning." On the other hand, if I wait until right before, she might see it as "lying." Ack! You'd think in my 40s I'd be able to make these kinds of decisions.
For the record, she is married and owns her own home, and is still relatively young (60), so it's not like I'm leaving her all alone and decrepit, hah. I guess I'm just wimpy.
She's MARRIED and in her 60s?
Just go! Where are you moving to, by the way? I'm betting that this will be the best thing you've ever done!
I have moved around a lot and love that I have! The only ones I really regret is moving back to my hometown area/state. I don't know what it is but it seems I get treated different(for the worse) when I'm closer to family/friends. My fiancee and I are planning on moving after our wedding to start our new life together! We can't decide but I'm excited to figure it out! She loves Florida(I'm ok with it), I love Arizona(she's ok with it), and Oklahoma which seemingly has everything we really need except it isn't Florida or Arizona.
I have moved around a lot and love that I have! The only ones I really regret is moving back to my hometown area/state. I don't know what it is but it seems I get treated different(for the worse) when I'm closer to family/friends. My fiancee and I are planning on moving after our wedding to start our new life together! We can't decide but I'm excited to figure it out! She loves Florida(I'm ok with it), I love Arizona(she's ok with it), and Oklahoma which seemingly has everything we really need except it isn't Florida or Arizona.
I will NEVER move back to my hometown. If I ever did, I'm sure I'd regret it.
I know numerous people who moved off Long Island and hate the places where they moved to (usually Florida or North Carolina). Several have moved back ... one friend did so after less than 4 months in Tampa.
I think alot of people don't really think through things and only look at the money aspect rather then things like family/friends, shopping, medical care, etc. Yeah Charlotte, NC has a lower cost of living than Long Island but alot of potential negatives come with those lower property taxes.
I've read all 10+ pages of the stories in this thread and thoroughly enjoyed everybody's experiences because I'm very close to taking my last couple of paychecks and getting out of Kansas City, I have only a chance or two left to escape and want to do it before I become permanently stuck here like many of you are. I left Seattle due to lack of work and high cost of living. I don't "hate" it here, but in terms of long term happiness, the writing is on the wall.
There are only 3 things people talk about in the Midwest: kids, football, and hunting. The bonus round is the weather if something notable like a tornado took place. I know only natives and where I'm from might as well be on the other side of the planet, most think it's "California" and I don't bother correcting them anymore. I spend most of my time indoors playing video games unless I'm interested in going "out" and in KC that translates to dinner at a typical cut from the same mold chain restaurant or a casino, you should have heard them when they got their first Panera which to them is hot crap and they still haven't stopped talking about Ikea coming to the area. OMG, I really chose this place?!
Yes I did. Because when I got to the Midwest it was the slower, unsophisticated, simple pace that attracted me in the first place. I saw a lot of Normal Rockwell style quaintness to the endless fields of corn/wheat known the world over as "the heartland". I thought it might feel somewhat like my childhood (I grew up in Illinois) by returning to the family values of my roots. I didn't think I could go wrong with a city that put up fountains everywhere, including their baseball stadium, to try and make up for its lack of natural scenery. And I was ready for a change after 20 years in a city focused on progression; I was sick to death of yuppies/DINKs (double income no kids), techies, and hearing about the latest Paul Allen/Bill Gates project, two people who might as well be the returning Christ himself to hear Seattle folk talk.
But much to my chagrin, I miss it. Memories of yesteryear had no effect on me and the associated relatives left for their reward eons ago anyway. I admit to missing the cosmopolitan/diverse feel of Seattle, where people actually understand and can relate to my desire to leave the drudgery dead end world of the blue-collar trades; and attending school and changing careers is something people do well into middle age because they have a genuine desire to better themselves. I completed my A.S. shortly after moving to KC and the employment agencies told me they couldn't "sell me" which came as no surprise when I had to explain to the accounting recruiter that GAAP was more than just a clothing store.
To conclude: I've about had it with the Midwest and people that can't think outside the box. It wasn't a complete failure, it's only been 16 months, an extended vacation, long enough to see how good I had it and that the proverbial grass isn't always greener. Oh and the TAXES....Washington State with NO INCOME TAX, here I come!
We're (once again!) thinking about moving back to the Midwest, where my wife and I both grew up. After living in NYC for 15 years and having four kids, we are thinking of moving to Milwaukee. My wife could leave work, we could be closer to family and we could live very comfortably there. We would do it primarily for financial reasons, as well as closer proximity to family, Lake Michigan and a good career move for me
We love it in NYC and are thinking mostly about what we would lose--culture, schools, friends, interesting people from all over the world, a deep job market, restaurants, etc. We're torn, because we like much about it here, but believe it could be easier on many fronts for us in Milwaukee. This is tough.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know she'll adjust. She can just be sooo emotional, and as you know, even as adults we tend to want to please our moms. I am kind of afraid if I tell her too far in advance she'll go around "mourning." On the other hand, if I wait until right before, she might see it as "lying." Ack! You'd think in my 40s I'd be able to make these kinds of decisions. 
