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I am a 25 year old female who recently made a move with my best friend and her mom to Delaware. I was born and raised in Alabama, which is where all of my family currently live. I moved from my hometown because after graduating from college 2 years ago, I was unable to find a job in my field. So I figured that moving to a bigger city would allow me to get a better job, as well as explore different parts of the country. After 2 months of moving, my friend has been able to find a job while I have been unsuccessful in obtaining a job so far. I have been able to find out about new job positions that would prepare me for an actual job in my field that I was not aware of before. Since moving, the friendship that me and my friend had has changed and we have become more distant than we have ever been. Since I am currently still searching for a job, I typically sit at home all day and it has given me an opportunity to reflect upon my decision to move. The thing is that my friend still has her family close to her and I don't. When I see them as a family, I feel more so as the outsider and it makes me miss my family even more because I am really close to my family. I honestly do not feel as if I would been happy even if I were to find a job here now. Knowing now about all of the job opportunities that I did not know of before, I really do want to move back home with my family and continue my job search at home because I am genuinely unhappy. The only dilemma is telling my friend and her mom about my decision. My name is on the apartment lease for a year with them. We have already prepaid for 6 months of rent and I am even willing to help them out with the remainder of the monthly payments. I just need advice on how to tell them and what I need to say. The only reason I am apprehensive about telling them about my decision is because my friend tends to be negative and can be harsh with her words at times, and the last thing that I want is for us to have an argument. Any advice on what I should do would be helpful at this point!
I think your decision sounds really well thought out. And I think moving back is the right thing to do, as I'm assuming that what you've learned, is that you can actually pursue your career back home. If so, then it seems like the right thing to do for you.
I think it's good to take a chance, and sometimes you realize the grass at home was green enough. But, if you hadn't gone somewhere else, you'd never have known that. It gives you a whole new appreciation for what you had. That's not being a wimp, that's being wise. IMHO :-)
So, as far as telling them, just say what you wrote in your OP. How they react is not your responsibility. I'd have a Plan A and a Plan B, though, when you talk to them.
So, start out by saying you'd like to move now (Plan A), for instance. And if they go nuts, then go for Plan B - which is maybe to stay until the lease is up, or even Plan C - to find a replacement roommate (if that's allowed on your lease), or finally Plan D - just keep paying your portion of the rent even if you leave now. Or offer something in-between, like offering to let them keep your security deposit money for letting you out of the lease. It's called negotiation and it's a good thing to learn how to do.
Maybe your family will help you continue paying the rent if that's your last option. Whatever you do end up agreeing to, be sure you let the actual landlord know in writing that you are vacating the unit and that you will not be renewing. And get your agreement with your roommates in writing - as far as you terminating your agreement.
I bet your family will be thrilled to have you home.
It must be obvious to your friend and her family that despite efforts to find a job, you're still unemployed.
If I was in your shoes I would start looking elsewhere right away, as in looking back home in Alabama, for a job.
Plan A could be:
1) It would ideal if you could present to them that you have a job opportunity in "elsewhere" before letting them know that you're planning to move. You could preface the conversation with emphasizing how finding a job in Delaware near where you live had come up empty, which they must know, and so you've had to explore other options. It's going to take some time to find a job anyway, so if you feel you should avoid the conversation about moving because of potential ramifications, find a job first.
OR
2) Re-emphasize that your job search in Delaware has been a dud and that you have no choice but to widen your search area. This would give them a heads-up to the fact that moving will probably be in your future.
You can decide if #1 feels too sneaky or if it feels best to postpone the conversation because of how they might react.
Take this to heart ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe
I think it's good to take a chance, and sometimes you realize the grass at home was green enough. But, if you hadn't gone somewhere else, you'd never have known that. It gives you a whole new appreciation for what you had. That's not being a wimp, that's being wise. IMHO :-)
It's IMHO here, too, that moving was not a mistake nor something to regret. So many people never leave their hometown and they either are missing out on wonderful experiences or live life believing the grass is greener somewhere else. Just think of yourself as Dorothy :-)
I am a 25 year old female who recently made a move with my best friend and her mom to Delaware. I was born and raised in Alabama, which is where all of my family currently live. I moved from my hometown because after graduating from college 2 years ago, I was unable to find a job in my field. So I figured that moving to a bigger city would allow me to get a better job, as well as explore different parts of the country. After 2 months of moving, my friend has been able to find a job while I have been unsuccessful in obtaining a job so far. I have been able to find out about new job positions that would prepare me for an actual job in my field that I was not aware of before. Since moving, the friendship that me and my friend had has changed and we have become more distant than we have ever been. Since I am currently still searching for a job, I typically sit at home all day and it has given me an opportunity to reflect upon my decision to move. The thing is that my friend still has her family close to her and I don't. When I see them as a family, I feel more so as the outsider and it makes me miss my family even more because I am really close to my family. I honestly do not feel as if I would been happy even if I were to find a job here now. Knowing now about all of the job opportunities that I did not know of before, I really do want to move back home with my family and continue my job search at home because I am genuinely unhappy. The only dilemma is telling my friend and her mom about my decision. My name is on the apartment lease for a year with them. We have already prepaid for 6 months of rent and I am even willing to help them out with the remainder of the monthly payments. I just need advice on how to tell them and what I need to say. The only reason I am apprehensive about telling them about my decision is because my friend tends to be negative and can be harsh with her words at times, and the last thing that I want is for us to have an argument. Any advice on what I should do would be helpful at this point!
I can feel how unhappy you are in your question. Don't be hard on yourself over this decision because if you never went you would always wonder how things would have turned out. It's just a part of life and give yourself credit for having the strength to go in the first place and try. In the end you have to make the decision for yourself and not worry so much about your friends reaction. I give you credit for that as well but if she is a friend she will understand and want what's best for you and want you to be happy and follow your own path. Just because your not there doesn't mean you can't be friends. You mentioned her mother and that your friend can be harsh. maybe you should talk to the mother first alone and tell her how you feel and that it's just not the right situation for you and the 2 of you can talk to her daughter together. Regardless, in the end you will have to do what's right for you and worry less about them. Seems like your doing all the right things and don't want to leave on bad terms. You can't decide how people will react, only how you will respond. best of luck to you. Your going to be fine and you will find a job. Keep us posted.
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