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It sounds like when you factor in the costs of airfare and maintaining two residences you might come out about the same or even ahead with the pay cut. Losing the extra vacation is a bummer, but you'll actually probably feel like you're making some of that up not having to do so much air commuting. You could look at this as an opportunity to get some balance back in your life where job isn't everything - maybe at this lower-paying position you can have better overall quality of life. Ultimately it comes down to where your priorities and values are - what do you really want to prioritize more - the career or the family? Be honest with yourself about what truly matters more to you but do also consider what is best for your other family members, because you are, after all, a dad and a husband with some responsibilities there that aren't just financial. If you were to look back on your life 30-40 years from now, what decision is more likely to give you regrets?
Is your job something that could be done on a long distance basis? I moved to Michigan, but remained a partner in a California law firm for three years. Doing the work worked fine long distance. I had to fly out here and there for meetings or court hearings, (many are now done by telephone). For trials I had to stay in California for as much as four months at a time, but during trials, I really do not see my family anyway. Trials typically require 5 16 hour days and 10-12 hours on weekends. So it worked out ok. What did not work well was marketing for new business, especially once the recession hit,
Maybe you can do something simlar. When I delved into the possibility, I was surprised to learn how many people do this. Estimators for construction companies, HR people. A CFO for one company. ll kinds of different job walks. If they like you and want to keep you, you can make it work, or you can find a company that will make it work.
Otherwise you will have to decide where your priorities lie. I eventually moved to a different job that meant a pay cut of $150,000. However it provided a more regular schedule, no weekend work, no working during vacations, no endless marketing events eating up my evenings, less stress, less negativity. . . . In the end the money is missed and things are tough, but I wish I would have made this move ten years earlier when my kids were younger.
Wife moved back west with the kids, while I still work in my job back east. This was 3 years back and for the last 3 years I take a 5 hour flight every weekend to be with them. It has worked out surprisingly well but obviously far from ideal. This was never the plan.
Anyway so finally after applying, interviewing and receiving quite a few job offers, I found a job that seems like a good fit. The problem is the pay cut is massive, a little over $45000 a year and is a step back career wise. Also the vacation is 1/3rd of the current job. I have been at my job for 13 years and so progressed over that time period. In short I have an awesome job. We can make do financially due to the lower COL and wife's job.
So my question is, am I crazy for even considering such a job offer?
Between the pay cut, downgrade in career, and loss of vacation, I wouldn't do it. I'd keep looking for another job out west. Is your job something you could do remotely?
Financially, you'd be better off taking a pay cut and moving. Most of the pay difference is eatup with airfare and taxes. There's probably incidental expenses like parking and taxis that add up. And what you're paying to maintain two residences might dwarf that, though you didn't address that.
As someone mentioned, you would also be saving a tremendous amount of time and hassle. Flying can be a pita. I wouldn't want to do it 50x per year on the company's dime much less my own.
I'll echo what others have said about considering how much it costs for you to travel weekly in money and time as well as having the cost of a separate residence. But the other thing to consider that living separately is costing you is loss of time with your kids - that time cannot be regained where as position and income can.
So I do not think you're crazy at all for considering the job.
One thing I will add - you can never get back lost time with our kids. You can never make it up. The opportunity is just gone and there is no fixing it. You may be able to spend more time with them later, if later ever comes, but that will not re-capture lost time from some given age. Each age step with kids is unique and cool in its own way. Once that step is gone, you have opportunity at the next step, but not at the one you missed.
One thing I will add - you can never get back lost time with our kids. You can never make it up. The opportunity is just gone and there is no fixing it. You may be able to spend more time with them later, if later ever comes, but that will not re-capture lost time from some given age. Each age step with kids is unique and cool in its own way. Once that step is gone, you have opportunity at the next step, but not at the one you missed.
Depending on their ages, they may not have a lot of time for parents or want to be around parents - teens! It has been 3 years so the wife and kids are totally used to their life without the OP. Probably sounds harsh, but their lives have also kept on moving during these 3 years. That's a looooong time to be apart!
If the OP goes with the new job, please don't assume that life will be like it was 3 years ago. Everyone has their own thing going on in life now. Even life with the wife will have some major adjusting to do. I say this as someone whose husband traveled constantly for work. When he stopped traveling, it was really bizarre for like a year. It took us both a lot of adjusting to a new life and it really was a new life for both of us.
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