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I'm in a small suburb, and I want to move to a mid to large size city. I've found myself romanticizing it, but I also remind myself to temper my expectations.
I may move to a city and think there are tons of great people to meet and things to do. But then I may find myself alone in an empty apartment, and even when I go out, I might feel like an alien or a stranger. The best way to make friends is mutual friends, but you may not have those when you move to a new place. It could take 6-12+ months before I truly feel at home and the first few months may be rough.
I've also heard some cases where people move to a city thinking people are more likely to go out and do things. Yet they instead find that many people are hustling and focused on their career.
I'm in a small suburb, and I want to move to a mid to large size city. I've found myself romanticizing it, but I also remind myself to temper my expectations.
I may move to a city and think there are tons of great people to meet and things to do. But then I may find myself alone in an empty apartment, and even when I go out, I might feel like an alien or a stranger. The best way to make friends is mutual friends, but you may not have those when you move to a new place. It could take 6-12+ months before I truly feel at home and the first few months may be rough.
I've also heard some cases where people move to a city thinking people are more likely to go out and do things. Yet they instead find that many people are hustling and focused on their career.
What have been your experiences with this?
A month after I'd turned twenty-one, I moved to Pittsburgh. I'd been born and raised in a small, rural town then attended university at my mom's hometown (a small college town), so it was a big change of scenery for me. I knew absolutely no one save the roommate I'd first met a few week's prior to the move when we signed the lease on our apartment. I moved here for a purpose (to finish up my education), so I don't think that expectations as such went into making the move to the 'burgh. I was a bit nervous (had a few "my God, what have I done moments, lol), but was generally excited about being somewhere new, to be doing something different.
The day after the move, my roommate showed me where to catch the bus(es) to downtown, where the closest grocery store, laundromat, and bank were located, then I was completely on my own. He and I both were working and going to school, so we rarely saw one another. Long-distance calls were expensive, cell phones weren't a thing for most, we didn't have internet at home, so sending and receiving emails had to be done at the library. Staying connected with family and friends meant a lot of snail mail. I didn't have a car for the few few years of living here, too, so it was sink or swim in terms of finding a social life rather than relying solely upon old friendships for socialization.
Sometimes, I did find myself alone in an empty apartment. Sometimes, it was lonely, but more often it was exciting being in a city filled with possibilities and new experiences. When I wasn't working or in class, I'd explore the city by foot, bus, and bicycle. Go to the museums on their free days, hang out at local coffeeshops, bookstores, and record stores. Sunbathe, read, and listen to music at a local park. Not everyone I'd meet in my travels would become a friend or even an acquaintance, but there was and is something nice about encountering the same people in the various places that I'd go. As the Sesame Street song goes, "the people who you meet when you're walking down the street each day." In time, I did make a few friends and more than few acquaintances. Within in a month or so, Pittsburgh felt like home to me--so much so that when the opportunity to leave came just before I'd finished school, I took another offer at the eleventh hour that allowed me to stay here with few regrets other than I wished that I'd lived in NYC or Chicago for a few years. Still, I know in my heart that I'd have come back here after living in either place to make Pittsburgh my permanent home.
While the world *has* changed since the fall of '97, general human nature and people's need to be social in varying degrees has not. Take advantage of all that the internet and social media have to offer as well as just getting out there to meet people. Accept that you'll have both lonely stretches and stretches filled with social activity before tossing in the towel should you make this move.
I wish you the best--I think that if you do end up making the move, it'll be better than you think it will be in the long run even if your new city of residence doesn't end up becoming your permanent home.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 11-15-2022 at 01:56 PM..
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We moved from an unincorporated town of 37,000 to an unincorporated town of 36,000 in another state in 1992. Since then, our old town has 64,000 residents and is still not incorporated. Our new one has incorporated and annexed another area, so now has 65,000.
We have been here in Sammamish 29 years now, and it has exceeded our expectations. The schools are great, very low crime, and only 2 small strip malls, so no crime, noise and traffic from big box stores. Everything we need is available 5-6 miles in either direction, in Issaquah or Redmond. We have friendly neighbors, helping and looking out for each other, with occasional block parties.
Very difficult to answer OP. So much is relative and dependent on the person moving...and their expectations. Also, if that person doesn't get themselves out there or be the instigator with new people it won't matter where they move. They'll be lonely. I've moved long distances to places where I knew no one many times. Some were more "welcoming" than others outside the expected contacts made at a new worksite. I've heard that needing to enroll kids in school does help introduce newcomers to a new place.
OK, a more extreme example so take it for what it's worth. My last move was from a tiny town of 426. Lived there 16 years. I moved to a "big city" of 5000 where I didn't know anyone. It was up to me to form realistic expectations and to cultivate new friendships. I don't have lots of friends here but overall, yes, I'd say it worked out. As my lovely 97 year old gardening godmother is fond of saying: "Bloom where you're planted."
I found myself very lonely for much of the time during my college years. Moved from a medium sized town to a medium sized city. It wasn’t really the size of the place, but the lack of resources away from friends and family. It was the only time in my life that I didn’t feel at home for such an extended period of time. I have moved many times since then, alone or with spouse, and I have never felt so lonely as that first time. Recently, as my grandkid is finishing high school and will be going on to her next chapter, I bought her a couple of books “Adulting I and Adulting 2” that address issues with going out on your own in the world. Its an exciting time and I believe every possible emotion and experience is magnified more so than it was in the past or will be in the future.
Join clubs. If you aren't sure whether you want to join, go to public events for these clubs to test the waters.
There are clubs for nearly every interest you can imagine and some for general things.
When moving to a new city alone, I went to events for birders and went on bird walks with people and met friends through that. Signed up for a beach cleanup and met people there.
There are clubs for people that walk and bicycle. There are art clubs, even for beginners. Various sports teams are always looking for new members...pickleball, tennis, golf, softball.
You can volunteer at the local animal shelter. They look for people to spend time with the animals. My friend would go to the shelter and play with cats and kittens.
There are many civic clubs that have clubhouses with restaurants and bars they have lots of events. For example, the Lions Club and VFW and Elks and Moose. You can volunteer for the various events or teams at those clubs. You meet people this way and stay busy. Churches also have lots of events and some have clubs within the church.
When I first moved to a new location I learned to go to restaurants alone. Even went to movies alone and a concert alone.
The younger you are the easier meeting new people will be.
As people become couples and settle into family-centered activities it becomes more difficult to find people and socialize.
Florida is different from this because so many older people (over 65) move there and want to get social activities going.
Join groups that look like fun for you and you'll find like-minded people.
We are retired and belong to a woodworking group and will be going to bird-watching events in 2023. The older I get the less social events I need but my husband is very social so he's still trying to find the right group.
I've also heard some cases where people move to a city thinking people are more likely to go out and do things. Yet they instead find that many people are hustling and focused on their career.
This has been my experience, having moved from the rural exurbs of a small town in the Midwest, to America's second-largest city. People are busy, if not with their careers, then with their families. And if not with families, then "socializing" online, instead of in person.
The big city offers cultural options, restaurants, amenities. But social-life isn't necessarily easy to build, even if one is outgoing, gregarious and bold... even worse so, if one is shy and introverted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty
While the world *has* changed since the fall of '97, general human nature and people's need to be social in varying degrees has not. Take advantage of all that the internet and social media have to offer as well as just getting out there to meet people.
The world has changed considerably. Most obvious is the internet, which owing to digital communication, has substantially reduced face-to-face interactions. Just look at how Zoom has eviscerated business-travel. Before the Pandemic, it was common travel overseas for a 2-3 day business meeting. That meeting invariably included dinners and social outings. Meet new people, deepen friendships, keep in touch for decades. Now everyone stays home, and the meeting has been replaced with a half-dozen 1-2 hours video conferencing sessions, followed by a Powerpoint summary and maybe an ensuing Slack discussion.
Another momentous change is work from home. WFH has supplanted office life, to the extent that workers are now sitting in their apartments in front of their computers, not even so much as sharing gossip at the office water cooler, let alone going out for drinks after the workday concludes. WFH also means more "family time" for those with kids.
We have become a nation of loners and computer-nerds. And insular families.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22
The younger you are the easier meeting new people will be.
As people become couples and settle into family-centered activities it becomes more difficult to find people and socialize.
Indeed. And once the couples have kids, the family withdraws into itself. Even if you're happily married, if you don't have children, you'll be ostracized by couples who do. Adults who aren't in a kin-group generally meet other adults through their children's activities - and not through their own.
It has not been easy. There has been a lot of ups and downs. I contemplated moving back several times. It took me a while to find the right job opportunity. Meeting people has been so hard. I tried Meetup but I did not make any lasting friendships. I love working remotely but it is difficult to make friends. I went to a team party yesterday and it was nice. I met some folks. I have decided to stay and make this place my home. It has met my expectations for the most part but it has not been sunshine and roses. I am still trying to figure things out and I have been here for four years.
We moved from Dallas to Northwest Arkansas and love it here. Less traffic, less crime, lower taxes and more drew us here. The people are friendly, we've found. In fact we stopped in front of this house and a lady was walking her dogs. My wife asked what kind of people were in the neighborhood, and she said, "We watch out for each other."
But we visited many, many places before deciding. I think there's a difference between visiting as a tourist and deciding to live there. Some places have tourist destinations that you might like visiting once or twice, but could you live there? What are your priorities? Maybe start with geography---what climate? We didn't want terrible snows but we wanted four seasons. We wanted a medium large area so we could have big box stores nearby---NWA is about half a million. Really drill down on your wants and needs. If possible, maybe you can stay for a week in the proposed location and see what the daily flow is like.
Good luck!
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