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I am old now, and I am going to be alone.
If I was 20 again, and could do things over again, I would choose a nice small town [or hometown if it is decent enough] and STAY there the rest of MY life.
Build some roots...build some community...build connections with others.
Even if you think I must move to build the career, take it from me, if you move too much, it can destroy a life if nothing works out.
I made the mistake of marrying someone who due to their own problems, never could keep a job for very long even though he lasted at one for 4 or 5 years, he never had a stable career, and I feel like I have wandered all over.
I never wanted to leave the last town, and well...I have talked about that enough.
I have lived in Wash DC, Arlington VA, Gambrills MD, Battle Creek MI, Kalamazoo MI, Middlebury IN, Chicago IL--Two addresses there, HIllsdale MI, ST. Joseph MI and now who knows where I am going to end up.
I have no friends now, not roots, and cant go back to Hillsdale because the town is emptying out--oddly not being discussed publically by anyone, but you know things are scary on the street corner down from your apt building which is now empty too basically, you can count 12 empty homes and that is just one snippet of the place.
You do not want to end up like me middle aged, with no friends. {well I HAVE friends, but they are all LONG DISTANCE} Frankly, going day to day with no friends STINKS, and it takes a long time to foster good relationships.
People who STAY in one place and do not wander do a lot better.
I have no family, because everyone moved away miles and miles from each other. This was fine when everyone was 25 and could drive 500 miles a few times a year, but not fine as time and distance turned everyone into strangers. I have nieces and nephews I only see once every few years. It stinks. No one lives in one place where I can go to. My family is basically strangers to each other and doesnt even exsist.
I know I must be careful about where I am going, because I never want to move again.
Is there any chance you could move near a sibling who has a family?
I think my advice for folks might be a little different than yours--travel around the country in your twenties if it makes sense to do so and explore different places where you think you might want to live, then pick the one that's the best fit for you and settle down there.
Yeah. I'm in my early 20's right now, and I definitely think thats it in my best interest to go to as many places as I can and explore as much as I can now. I really can say that there is absolutely no way I would choose to stay in one place right now for the rest of my life. Perhaps in a few years when I have seen more places and experienced more and have a choice.
I think the future will be different for younger people, and everyone for that matter. I would rather move multiple times and know nobody, than see my family struggle in a place of 10% unemployment...life is full of choices, not all can be foreseen as good ones.
I am old now, and I am going to be alone.
If I was 20 again, and could do things over again, I would choose a nice small town [or hometown if it is decent enough] and STAY there the rest of MY life.
Build some roots...build some community...build connections with others.
Even if you think I must move to build the career, take it from me, if you move too much, it can destroy a life if nothing works out.
I made the mistake of marrying someone who due to their own problems, never could keep a job for very long even though he lasted at one for 4 or 5 years, he never had a stable career, and I feel like I have wandered all over.
I never wanted to leave the last town, and well...I have talked about that enough.
I have lived in Wash DC, Arlington VA, Gambrills MD, Battle Creek MI, Kalamazoo MI, Middlebury IN, Chicago IL--Two addresses there, HIllsdale MI, ST. Joseph MI and now who knows where I am going to end up.
I have no friends now, not roots, and cant go back to Hillsdale because the town is emptying out--oddly not being discussed publically by anyone, but you know things are scary on the street corner down from your apt building which is now empty too basically, you can count 12 empty homes and that is just one snippet of the place.
You do not want to end up like me middle aged, with no friends. {well I HAVE friends, but they are all LONG DISTANCE} Frankly, going day to day with no friends STINKS, and it takes a long time to foster good relationships.
People who STAY in one place and do not wander do a lot better.
I have no family, because everyone moved away miles and miles from each other. This was fine when everyone was 25 and could drive 500 miles a few times a year, but not fine as time and distance turned everyone into strangers. I have nieces and nephews I only see once every few years. It stinks. No one lives in one place where I can go to. My family is basically strangers to each other and doesnt even exsist.
I know I must be careful about where I am going, because I never want to move again.
Nice piece WheredoIlive. Being older, having a family, and having a professional network building up, I can definitely see the value in not disrupting that every 3 years. And the value of having family living nearby (at least within an hour or two).
Most of the young people won't listen to or hear what you are saying, as I probably wouldn't have back then. But I can definitely see the benefit of "seeing the world" in the college you choose or shortly after college.
What about a senior community center where you live? Maybe moving back to one of the towns you liked when you briefly lived there would be a good move for you?
Or as someone else suggested by a sibling or family member even if you do not know them very well you can build on that like you would if you just meet someone.
I’m young, but I would think it would be easy to make some kind of friends when you get older at Workout gyms, Rec leagues, Bars, social charity events, ect... Also I have family that lives less then 5 miles away and they are still strangers because it seems we only get together when someone graduates.
I'm not knocking your story but I can't stand being somewhere for the rest of my life and being poor and having no career opportunity when I can just move somewhere and make a decent to very good living and have career opportunities to support a family of my own in the future and when I have kids too make sure they can have a good education.
I am old now, and I am going to be alone.
If I was 20 again, and could do things over again, I would choose a nice small town [or hometown if it is decent enough] and STAY there the rest of MY life.
Build some roots...build some community...build connections with others.
Even if you think I must move to build the career, take it from me, if you move too much, it can destroy a life if nothing works out.
I made the mistake of marrying someone who due to their own problems, never could keep a job for very long even though he lasted at one for 4 or 5 years, he never had a stable career, and I feel like I have wandered all over.
I never wanted to leave the last town, and well...I have talked about that enough.
I have lived in Wash DC, Arlington VA, Gambrills MD, Battle Creek MI, Kalamazoo MI, Middlebury IN, Chicago IL--Two addresses there, HIllsdale MI, ST. Joseph MI and now who knows where I am going to end up.
I have no friends now, not roots, and cant go back to Hillsdale because the town is emptying out--oddly not being discussed publically by anyone, but you know things are scary on the street corner down from your apt building which is now empty too basically, you can count 12 empty homes and that is just one snippet of the place.
You do not want to end up like me middle aged, with no friends. {well I HAVE friends, but they are all LONG DISTANCE} Frankly, going day to day with no friends STINKS, and it takes a long time to foster good relationships.
People who STAY in one place and do not wander do a lot better.
I have no family, because everyone moved away miles and miles from each other. This was fine when everyone was 25 and could drive 500 miles a few times a year, but not fine as time and distance turned everyone into strangers. I have nieces and nephews I only see once every few years. It stinks. No one lives in one place where I can go to. My family is basically strangers to each other and doesnt even exsist.
I know I must be careful about where I am going, because I never want to move again.
i hear you on that.... i made the switch when i left the military and pursued a new chapter in my life as a civilian. i found myself in Michigan... where it seems just as bad as when i left down south where i was stationed - one extreme to the next in terms of climate but both very poor states.
i can't seem to develop those social bonds anymore for some reason. i am an outgoing person who enjoys the social side of life. it's been a little over 6 mths now where i've lived in michigan and i haven't found ANYONE who's worth hanging out with (guy or girl).
people at work are in their own world who aren't entirely open to share their world with me. maybe it was a military mindset - where people come and go all the time so others are more apt to open up. i've worked with several people in my new job here with people that have lived in michigan all their lives (never left the state or flew on an airplane)... they know all the places to go and have a huge social network considering that they grew up with those people but they're not willing to include anyone who's "outside" of their world. the majority of them are married and/or with kids so obviously priorities aren't the same.
i've looked around - been to coffee shops, local bars, and some volunteer events around here but couldn't find a place where i "fit in". seems like i'm still finding that sense of belonging and at times, i miss my buddies that i was stationed with. the saying goes that especially moving to a new place without knowing anyone sucks and takes roughly six months to overcome that feeling and move on... don't think it's happened.
I think it is sort of like dating. If you are looking actively for someone to date, usually you won't find anyone. Same thing goes with friends. I meet people all the time and make friends in some of the oddest places. (Train stations, restaurants, etc..) I think if you really geniunely want to get to know someone, they can sense that. People also have a good sense of desperation. I've blown people off for being too eager to want to have something to do with me, especially if I am just out and about working out, reading, or whatever. That approach has to take into account that the person is really not in any situation where they are wanting to meet someone else for the most part. I really think meeting people, male whether it is of the same or opposite sex is a skill.
That being said, I find Michigan easier to meet people then say Southern California. In MI it is polite to be polite, where as in So Cal it is best to mind your own business. I feel that some Michigander's are too open with wanting to be involved in someone elses business, which drives some people off. I also feel that the GR, Holland area are tougher areas to develop new friends since in most cases you are not just intergrating into one person's live, but a congregation of folks that in many cases have known each other for years. Many small Michigan towns are also skeptical of any new people in general. I'd prefer to not get involved in any real meeting of people in small town Michigan unless it is a very attractive female I think is worth dating, or if the day ever comes that I decide I want to root in a small town for at least 5 years. Otherwise the idea of everyone knowing your schedule, life, etc is a bit creepy to me.
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