Areas where the majority of friendships are not based around alcohol and partying? (fit in, house)

[va_lucky]

I have lived in the Fredericksburg area of Virginia with my family for more than 10 years now. It seems that unless you are a party animal or alcoholic you don't fit in. It doesn't matter if you are 20 or 70.

I don't really like to drink nor does my spouse. I am not opposed to drinking, but it seems to be the only activity in my area. You aren't cool unless you experience an accident while drunk on a four wheeler or constantly spend all of your time drunk around strangers.

Not looking to offend anyone, but want to know of regions where drinking beer isn't mandatory.

I am not necessarily opposed to alcohol, but around here it consumes most everyone's life.

I can't understand how a 40 year old talks about what they do when they are drunk like it's the first time they ever drank.

That's all you get here and it's really hard to form meaningful relationships unless you are vomiting on a strangers carpet.



Thanks

[btownboss4]

Gonna go out on a limb and say Provo, UT.

[va_lucky]

Originally Posted by btownboss4

Gonna go out on a limb and say Provo, UT.

Thank you, that was fast!

[BurnInTheMil]

My personal opinion, is simply that a lot of smaller towns are this way. Everyone knows everyone, not a lot of variety, diversity, etc...so drinking is just the thing to do.

I grew up in a small town and that's how it also was. However when visiting other large cities, could definitely tell a huge difference, even just 20-30 minutes down the road to Louisville, KY from where I was, was night & day difference.

Sounds like diversity, variety, and more around could go a long way, even if it was the suburbs near a larger area.

[va_lucky]

Originally Posted by Greg10556

My personal opinion, is simply that a lot of smaller towns are this way. Everyone knows everyone, not a lot of variety, diversity, etc...so drinking is just the thing to do.

I grew up in a small town and that's how it also was. However when visiting other large cities, could definitely tell a huge difference, even just 20-30 minutes down the road to Louisville, KY from where I was, was night & day difference.

Sounds like diversity, variety, and more around could go a long way, even if it was the suburbs near a larger area.

Hmmm...you are helping me think out loud. This area is halfway between DC and Richmond. We moved here to get a house when this was the only reasonable possibility to afford a house, 2007. Used to live in the lower DC suburbs. I remember having normal conversations with people and everything was fine.

Now we are kind of stuck, kind of settled but it's still annoying that you have to be super drunk to have any meaningful social "bond".

Kind of like pinhead said in Hellraiser when remembering his previous life....."I remember".

[theurbanfiles]

Not to knock small towns, but I think that comment is somewhat relevant here. I think if you're looking in the right places, you can pretty much find people who don't drink all the time anywhere.

The process isn't especially complex, but you have to ask yourself three questions:

1. What is it that I would really like doing, or already do, and would enjoy doing with other people?
2. What cross sections of society are less likely to drink than others?
3. How far am I willing to go, or am I willing to move to meet the people I would do that with?

The first one you've likely figured out, but, if you haven't, it's not the end of the world or too late, but you should start now. Whether it's reading, fitness, cooking, most hobbies have some type of club even in a small town. Search MeetUp.com, or (Insert Town Name and Hobby) Club.

This one is a bit more complicated, but generally certain people that are more religious are less likely to engage in regular heavy drinking than others, though of course, some that are religious drink more than just about anyone. If excluding alcohol entirely is ideal, perhaps somewhere like Provo or Lynchburg VA might work.

I see where the small town comment comes from though. There is less to do and sometimes that becomes the standard. Certain areas of the country are better for pursuing hobbies than others. For example, in a mountainous region you'll find more outdoorsy types, in closer to a city you'll find more artsy types, foodies, etc (though probably a fair share of fitness types too depending on the metro). Good luck! There is hope, and many people out there in many places not like you mention.

[NDak15]

Originally Posted by va_lucky

I have lived in the Fredericksburg area of Virginia with my family for more than 10 years now. It seems that unless you are a party animal or alcoholic you don't fit in. It doesn't matter if you are 20 or 70.

I don't really like to drink nor does my spouse. I am not opposed to drinking, but it seems to be the only activity in my area. You aren't cool unless you experience an accident while drunk on a four wheeler or constantly spend all of your time drunk around strangers.

Not looking to offend anyone, but want to know of regions where drinking beer isn't mandatory.

I am not necessarily opposed to alcohol, but around here it consumes most everyone's life.

I can't understand how a 40 year old talks about what they do when they are drunk like it's the first time they ever drank.

That's all you get here and it's really hard to form meaningful relationships unless you are vomiting on a strangers carpet.



Thanks

I feel your pain. My hometown is like this. My visits are short for that reason. I lived in another town like that that was bigger and it was miserable. I like beer but it's not a hobby or a way of life. Do people in your area do that peer pressure crap? I've had that and can't stand it.

Originally Posted by btownboss4

Gonna go out on a limb and say Provo, UT.

Anywhere in Utah fits this bill.

Originally Posted by Greg10556

My personal opinion, is simply that a lot of smaller towns are this way. Everyone knows everyone, not a lot of variety, diversity, etc...so drinking is just the thing to do.

I grew up in a small town and that's how it also was. However when visiting other large cities, could definitely tell a huge difference, even just 20-30 minutes down the road to Louisville, KY from where I was, was night & day difference.

Sounds like diversity, variety, and more around could go a long way, even if it was the suburbs near a larger area.

This is true. I finally had to get a change of scenery to get away from that. To the OP, see if there a meetup groups. Sometimes though, you just can't find anything. I'd suggest clubs but unless you're over 50 that doesn't seem to be much of an option these days nor does church.

[Clayton white guy]

Short of my college experience, I have NEVER heard of a social situation like this. Granted, I am from the Deep South and an Independent Fundamental Baptist, and am a family man, but I am also from Metro Atlanta, a large metropolitan area. I find it hard to believe that there are no other options within your area. Within our Church community we have LOTS of fun, but are tea-totallers all.

Try to find a nice active, medium sized local church (large enough to have a variety of offerings, small enough to REALLY be able to get to know people.) You will be surprised how easy it is to have "good, clean" non-alcoholic fun! Best of luck to you.

[NDak15]

Originally Posted by Clayton white guy

Short of my college experience, I have NEVER heard of a social situation like this. Granted, I am from the Deep South and an Independent Fundamental Baptist, and am a family man, but I am also from Metro Atlanta, a large metropolitan area. I find it hard to believe that there are no other options within your area. Within our Church community we have LOTS of fun, but are tea-totallers all.

Try to find a nice active, medium sized local church (large enough to have a variety of offerings, small enough to REALLY be able to get to know people.) You will be surprised how easy it is to have "good, clean" non-alcoholic fun! Best of luck to you.

Most churches are NOT the place to meet people. Everywhere I've lived the churches are pretty much old biddies.

[Clayton white guy]

I have attended MANY vibrant multigenerational churches. If you visit an "old biddy" church, try the one around the corner. There are many different "flavors" of churches; God likes variety. ;0)