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My daughter is a single mother and works to provide for her two children. I care for them when they're not in school and I'm happy to do it. I'm not sure why it's anyone's business who cares for the children as long as they are being cared for properly. Do you pay their bills or maintain the family in any way? MYOB and let families care for the children in a way that works for them.
It happens a lot these days, mostly because of drugs. My granddaughter was raised by her maternal grandparents for five years and they also raised another daughter's child.
In the cases I know about, during my adult lifetime, grandparents became parents because their kid was into drugs, or alcohol, and was not responsible.
Of course, other, tragic things can split families. But in my observation it is usually addiction issues that cause most of what the OP is posting about.
I am sure that grandparents step up because of love and a sense of duty
At my child's school, we see more grandparents than parents, attending functions, dropping the children off & picking them up, staying with them on the playground. The parents seem to be completely out of the picture. I think it's sad and I also don't think it's the grandparent's responsibility to literally raise their grandchildren. While it's great they can play a role in the child's life, it must be a huge burden on them at their age, to be raising small kids.
At my child's school, we see more grandparents than parents, attending functions, dropping the children off & picking them up, staying with them on the playground. The parents seem to be completely out of the picture. I think it's sad and I also don't think it's the grandparent's responsibility to literally raise their grandchildren. While it's great they can play a role in the child's life, it must be a huge burden on them at their age, to be raising small kids.
As grands who pick up the grandkids one day a week, I think you are making an unwarranted assumption. Grandparents are probably picking up grandkids because mom and dad are working long hours. I do see some grandparents picking up kids, along with us. I also see some kids riding the bus, or being picked up by a parent or sitter. I do seldom see kids walking home by themselves.
The parents should predominately raise their children. Our children are raising our seven grandchildren very well but if they didn't and started failing we would take them.
Well even back in the supposedly perfect 50's, out of 28 in our class there were 2 who lived full time with their grandparents. There were 5 that I knew of who were cared for after school by their grandparents until the parents got home from work. Most of the rest of us just went home and took care of ourselves, starting in about 3rd-4th grade anyway. This was a working class area in Los Angeles.
With my situation i have a 6 year old whom i have tried everything to keep happy. I left her father when she was 3 due to him trying to murder me and abusing me while pregnant with my middle child. During this we stayed with my mom. Well my dsmaughter chose her over me. Even knocked out my teeth because i didnt get her sippy cup within 5 seconds. Well i remarried after leaving my ex and had another child last week. Ever since her stepdad has come into the picture and we moved from my moms she has done worse in school, refuses to listen, wont clean her room, fights with her 3 year old sister constantly, has no respect for me or my spouse who chose to raise her and is wonderful to her. And recently started lying to her teachers to get kicked out. The lies escalated to the point cps had been called 4 times in 2 weeks. This last time she told them her stepdad hit her on the head. She fell off the couch. She told the worker she was scared she would get in trouble for falling so she told them he hit her. We are both beyond hurt by her actions as she promised to not lie again and did worse. We have chosen to let her live with her grandma because she likes the school there, misses her friends and dog, and would be happier. I have tried all i can to make a good life for her and its never good enough. Not all parents are lazy or choose money over their kids. Some of us have no other option. We will lose our other 2 if this doesnt happen. Our oldest is also on the spectrum which makes the lying worse. I love her with all my heart and this is the hardest choice i have ever had to maketand i have put it off for 3 years. I will visit and check in as much as possible but its not feasible for her to live here and continue to make these false allegations.
I have a cousin that has had about 5 children with various women. He is 32 and has never lived with any of them...only "Dated" them. His parents are raising 4 currently.. probably have #5 soon. It is a shame. He don't support any of them, his parents do. Now his 2 brothers do great. Have stable families, good wives and well behaved children.
In my Girl Scout Troop there are more grandparents raising girls than parents. Or Aunties, older sisters, someone besides mom and dad.
I have one family with 7 grandchildren under the age of 10. The mom's parents are raising all the kids she has had. She is a drug user in our local largest town and they are all by different men. Several of them were born addicted to one thing or another and are damaged by it. What do you do with that? They feel obligated to take them in or they would go to DHS. Of course, no one can make her stop having children either...so they are stuck.
I also have a family member that doesn't think twice about having more children with different women because he knows his parents are not going to let those kids do without and will have them 95% of the time. His parents have also fought some intense custody battles against the mothers (who were all capable of caring for the kids) just to win custody for him when in fact he is really indifferent to actually caring for these children. Of course I would step in if it were a DHS situation to help the child, but I don't want him having a pass on raising the people he chose to create.
But this is a pattern in my family. My mom had me as a teen and my Grandparents were SO involved (at times way past healthy boundaries) so she ended up not even trying to raise me. Now I understand that she probably didn't feel like she stood a chance with people stepping in too much.
I also wonder if this is cultural thing among the rural south where I am from?
I myself have a 21 year old son & I have often thought about what things will be like when I'm a grandparent. (Which hopefully is a WHILE) I want to be helpful but do not want to enable him so that he makes life choices carelessly.
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