Do you think you live vicariously through your kids too much? (old, babysit)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lately, it seems to me that maybe I'm doing this too much. My husband and I are held hostage by not being able to sell our house. He is involved in his work, which involves a lot of traveling. Even so, I think he does this too.
I sort of pulled out of a lot of activities, avoided getting a job, gave up a volunteer job, did not join the Rec. Center or Women's Club, and settled into the mindset of all the things I'll do once I move.
So anyway, my kids are changing jobs, getting promotions, getting new houses, etc. and, when someone asks me "what's new", I tend to answer about what the kids are up to instead of me.
I have started to join things again, but I still am mentally on hold until I move.
Since there isn't a set moving date at this time, maybe it would be better if you went back to at least volunteering or doing things with friends so you feel like you have a life. I totally understand how we can get to a place where nothing is going on but our kids, but in order to maintain our own self worth and reason to get up each day....we have to make sure we are progressing regardless of our age. Motherhood is tiring and if we stay neck deep in it as we get older, I think we can wear out emotionally. There is a time to let go and just enjoy this new time of our life.
I stay busy just to keep from being asked to babysit all the time.
Try to reconnect with a good friend and call her and make a lunch date, or get involved with some volunteering or maybe a part time job..I spent my whole adult life in my children's lives and now it seems the same thing is going on with the grands....I am glad to be involved and thankful for the love and respect, but at times I do long for just a little something else in my life...H was retired, got bored and went back to work..He has always been free to do what he wanted, simply because he knew I would be at home taking care of everything, and he was always somewhat jealous if I did do anything outside the home. It was easier just to make the home, kids and grands my life instead of the embarrassment of him showing up wherever I was outside the home
I intend to pretend I'm not moving anymore and get back into a few things this year. I do still have lunches with friends, but that's not really like being involved in things...like having a purpose.
My feeling has been that I could not, in good conscience, take a job or be in charge of a committee, etc, only to up and move. As for my old volunteer job, I could have kept doing that, but I felt like I wanted a change of pace.
Funny but after reading these posts I realized I have NO desire to be "involved"in anything. Im pretty much finished bringing up the 7 kids, I have an easy, undemanding job 30 hrs. a week and what I really want on my off time is to take care of ME for achange! I want to finally get my hair done (instead of the girls) get nice clothes for myself (instead of the kids) I surely don't begrudge them anything but for 32 years all the extra money went to doing and buying for them, and now I just want to do some things for myself!
Funny but after reading these posts I realized I have NO desire to be "involved"in anything. Im pretty much finished bringing up the 7 kids, I have an easy, undemanding job 30 hrs. a week and what I really want on my off time is to take care of ME for achange! I want to finally get my hair done (instead of the girls) get nice clothes for myself (instead of the kids) I surely don't begrudge them anything but for 32 years all the extra money went to doing and buying for them, and now I just want to do some things for myself!
As well you should! When our kids head out into the world they need to realize that this is reality, and not depend on us for everthing. Sure they will stumble, and even fall, just like we did but getting out of these predicimants is how we grow up and learn to handle things. And, when they have kids of their own, it's THEIR turn to sacrifice and learn what being a parent means. Wealready paid our dues right?!
Funny but after reading these posts I realized I have NO desire to be "involved"in anything. Im pretty much finished bringing up the 7 kids, I have an easy, undemanding job 30 hrs. a week and what I really want on my off time is to take care of ME for achange! I want to finally get my hair done (instead of the girls) get nice clothes for myself (instead of the kids) I surely don't begrudge them anything but for 32 years all the extra money went to doing and buying for them, and now I just want to do some things for myself!
I definitely get what you are saying, but the key difference is your 30 hours a week job. I need a part time job, too. Then I would have something to say besides how I rearranged the linen closet today.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It was easier just to make the home, kids and grands my life instead of the embarrassment of him showing up wherever I was outside the home
