Polyamory, Why not?

[2mares]

Originally Posted by L00k4ward

What about the children?
What are we going to tell them about people coming and going through their home?

If we go further and there are children of different parents growing together?

We need to change the concepts of child rearing and the children’s safety at home if the polyamory takes hold

The monogamous marriage is the least about sex and romance if you think about it. Not to exclude the sex and romance from it though if one lucky.
It is more about partnership in reaching common life goals; it is more like contract in business.

Polyamorists shouldn’t marry: too complicated on emotional, intellectual and physical levels

I agree. People want to think marriage is all about the sex. Marriage was established for building/expanding wealth, building a strong family, heirs and inheritance.

If you just want sex don't get married or get some on the side if you must, a mutual agreement on that even better. IMO a polygamous marriage only dilutes the strength of the family bond and its wealth.
Just look at the history of polyamory. It's usually always polygyny in which there is little to no equality, often with religious overtones and poverty and abuse. If it worked so well it would be common place and not a mostly abandoned practice.

[LeisureSLarry]

I don't buy this crap for a second. I stopped serial dating because there was a LOT of drama once sex was involved. I had women claim I used them, threats, etc. Maybe in 20 years things have changed entirely but you aren't convincing this old fellow. A lot of broken hearts and I realized I was not that good of a player because it stressed me out - it works for famous people apparently but not for me. I slept with some married women and had to deal with their guilt and it always seemed to come back except for some one night stands where they did not really know me but that isn't polyamorous.

Women make the rules of sex IMO and the majority of women still want a man to bring home to their parents and have a family or at the very least a monogamous/consensual relationship. STDs and the like are enough to dissuade many from being crazy promiscuous and not many are willing share their mate with others. I am sure in many ultra-liberal areas this behavior might be OK but those are really small microcosms of reality.

[Sonic_Spork]

I find it funny that recent comments assume it's all about sex.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not, and it depends on the people involved and what they want. Sometimes, just like anyone else trying to do whatever, it works out or it doesn't.

For people who are motivated by sexual novelty... Some try to be monogamous and cheat, or engage in serial monogamy. It works or it doesn't, for them. Some have some sort of open relationship, which I think is better because at least those involved are trying to be honest and communicate, rather than leading others on or running around behind their backs. I had an Aunt and Uncle who were swingers. They acted like a very normal family but occasionally went on couple's vacations to a "retreat" where they enjoyed their fun, while their sons stayed with a relative. They were monogamous aside from a couple of long weekends per year. Most people knew nothing about it. They stayed very happily together until my Uncle died, and were quite prosperous, and both of their sons are grown, married and happy now. They are arguably the best branch of that side of my family tree. Of course, swinging is not polyamory, it's just adjacent to it under "ethical non monogamy" but still. They kept it as private as any monogamous couple would keep their sex life, I only found out many years after I was an adult, because my Mom told me - she was close to that Aunt, back before my parents divorced.

For people who are more motivated by family building and no so much by sexual adventure, a number of the polyamorists I've known are endeavoring to build solid long term bonds with three or four adults in some configuration of a group, and raise kids with just more contributing adults. They hammer out their own agreements about who owns and contributes what. The kids are no less safe. Situations I've seen where kids aren't safe are usually monogamous Moms who get divorced and then start dating, but do it stupidly. Bringing home men they barely know. Poly does not mean "constantly picking up new people for sex." A poly person can take their time getting to know someone just as easily as a monogamous person can. They can do just as much vetting, or more so if they are part of some alt community where everyone knows everyone.

And seriously, my experience with poly was that there was less sex, not more. When it was 4 of us hanging out, we'd end up acting more like a friend group, until eventually I was like, "can we just stop saying that we're dating and be friends so I don't have anxiety about whether I'm being a good girlfriend to all of you people?"

As for ultra liberal areas... Well, it's pretty popular in Denver, Colorado Springs, and Phoenix. But even so..."popular" is still a very low percentage of people. Only means that it's not hard to find if one wanted to look. There are groups and meetups. It's a thing.

I'm sure that those who are doing this do not care of anyone does not buy it or thinks it doesn't work. If they're doing it, obviously it's working for them, until it's not. It isn't impossible, though it might be for you. Who cares? We all get a life to figure out how to live as best we can.