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I'm not sure if I'm all that sorry it happened to me.
I know, sounds crazy, right? But hear me out a sec. I learned from that. At 14, I learned that one does not simply go letting a guy come into your home, or being in private with him, or being around drunk horny guys, or any of that, if you are not 100% sure you'd be ok with it if you ended up having sex with the dude. Yes, OPTIMALLY consent can be withdrawn, and yes, what he did is wrong, and no I don't blame myself. But it taught me to take some responsibility for my circumstances in some pretty specific ways.
Between my increased situational awareness and risk management, AND sheer luck, I have not had my consent violated since then. Pollyanna I may be, but I do what I can to take the positive and the learning out of every single experience I have. I consider this lesson to be valuable. I gained insight in looking out for myself. Bit of street smarts, if you will.
The price for this wisdom? A bit of disgust. I often liken it to having once stepped in dog poo with a bare foot. Pretty gross, but you wash yourself and go on living. I didn't catch a disease. I didn't get pregnant. I didn't get beaten up or killed. And thankfully my assaulter isn't someone I ever had to see again, so I didn't have to confront the pain that some women do who are raped by celebrities, musicians, politicians, etc. I don't know how I'd feel if I had to see that guy's face on TV every day! But it wouldn't be good! Now considering all of that, though...I would say that weighing the value of the lesson against its cost, I got a pretty decent bargain, all in all.
Does it suck that we live in a world where a woman might see something like this in such a way? Oh hell yes. But such is the world we live in, and I'd rather be alive in it than dead in it. *shrug*
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
Some men, not all, but some men think way differently than woman do....I remember when I worked construction, before I started working with men, I was warned to never ever make a joke, with any kind of sexual connotation, b/c some men might take that as a come on...and to also remain the woman I was and not swear or try to act tough. I took that advice with me on the job, and it worked out just fine.
Again, when I was growing up, our mother's were embarrassed to talk about sex to us...and that's a great mistake, when mother's refuse to talk to their daughters about sex and dangers...sex is not a bad thing, and our mother's should have never done that to us, b/c it opened us all up to some pretty sticky situations that could have gone wrong. It is a mother's JOB and responsibility to make certain their children are well understand the topic and also the dangers....
When a woman is open to a situation where she accepts an invitation to be alone with a man who has been drinking, he might take it the wrong way....but when women are young and in college they do not understand the dangers.
Yes, you are wiser, but the situation could have been avoided completely if your mother would have been grown up and responsible enough to "not" do what she did putting you in danger. It could have been much worse. Thank Goodness it wasn't.
Give me a break. There are many situations in life where we learn lessons that does not mean we in ANY way advocate for those situations and hope they happen to others. If your first "lesson" had been rape you would not feel the same way - as you state, SS. And CB - just because you learned how careful you would and STILL need to be every effing day of your life doesn't give cause for any joy. These situations to avoid would have been unnecessary if some FATHERS taught their son their own lessons. Men are the aggressors in these situations and could have chosen not to act.
Give me a break. There are many situations in life where we learn lessons that does not mean we in ANY way advocate for those situations and hope they happen to others. If your first "lesson" had been rape you would not feel the same way - as you state, SS. And CB - just because you learned how careful you would and STILL need to be every effing day of your life doesn't give cause for any joy. These situations to avoid would have been unnecessary if some FATHERS taught their son their own lessons. Men are the aggressors in these situations and could have chosen not to act.
Give you a break? You don't even know me or the other poster and I have no idea what-so-ever what your referring to?
In no way are we advocating any situation....? I don't understand your reading comprehension or this post.
Sounds like you really dislike men, but I may be reading you wrong?
Some men, not all, but some men think way differently than woman do....I remember when I worked construction, before I started working with men, I was warned to never ever make a joke, with any kind of sexual connotation, b/c some men might take that as a come on...and to also remain the woman I was and not swear or try to act tough. I took that advice with me on the job, and it worked out just fine.
Again, when I was growing up, our mother's were embarrassed to talk about sex to us...and that's a great mistake, when mother's refuse to talk to their daughters about sex and dangers...sex is not a bad thing, and our mother's should have never done that to us, b/c it opened us all up to some pretty sticky situations that could have gone wrong. It is a mother's JOB and responsibility to make certain their children are well understand the topic and also the dangers....
When a woman is open to a situation where she accepts an invitation to be alone with a man who has been drinking, he might take it the wrong way....but when women are young and in college they do not understand the dangers.
Yes, you are wiser, but the situation could have been avoided completely if your mother would have been grown up and responsible enough to "not" do what she did putting you in danger. It could have been much worse. Thank Goodness it wasn't.
You've said this more than once.
I, for one, had a mother who wasn't embarassed to talk about sex. I remember very well, my mom talking to my brother and I about sex, what it was, who did what, etc. I was 7. I was probably more embarassed than she was, I'm sure. When I was about to get married the first time, we had a different sex talk. A little more...one on one I guess you could say. Birth control, etc. (She didn't know it, and I didn't tell her, but I wasn't a virgin anymore, and was already on BC).
Even now, my mom and I (she's in her 80's) talk about sex, make jokes, talk about what's sexy, what isn't,who's a kegel clincher, who isn't, etc.
Did she tell me the dangers? No. But honestly, I'm not sure she was cognizant of the dangers. I'm pretty sure she was a virgin when she got married, and stayed married to the same man until he died.
I, for one, had a mother who wasn't embarassed to talk about sex. I remember very well, my mom talking to my brother and I about sex, what it was, who did what, etc. I was 7. I was probably more embarassed than she was, I'm sure. When I was about to get married the first time, we had a different sex talk. A little more...one on one I guess you could say. Birth control, etc. (She didn't know it, and I didn't tell her, but I wasn't a virgin anymore, and was already on BC).
Even now, my mom and I (she's in her 80's) talk about sex, make jokes, talk about what's sexy, what isn't,who's a kegel clincher, who isn't, etc.
Did she tell me the dangers? No. But honestly, I'm not sure she was cognizant of the dangers. I'm pretty sure she was a virgin when she got married, and stayed married to the same man until he died.
Oh for God's sakes, well great for you, I'm so glad you had a mother like that....not everyone does....what is it with people...? you make a statement and people are laying in waiting to come back and argue, b/c it's not what they believe in or had or did?
Are you calling me a liar?
I'm saying this again, our mother told us NOTHING!!!! What we learned was from school or friends in school...you are very fortunate you had what you had. We did not and that is a very crucial repsonsibility of a parent...
Last edited by cremebrulee; 10-22-2018 at 08:50 AM..
You're very wrong - they COULD stop but they don't think they should or that they need to. You don't think there are men out there that either don't see themselves as rapists and others who just don't care? How naive are YOU?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ
How do you know, are you an expert on male sexuality? It is very difficult for a younger man to stop. The desire and need for sex is very intense in most young men. So some young might not be able to stop. That is why young women should ideally not change their mind once they agree to start having sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
I don't give a good g0d damn how hard it is to stop. "Once they agree"? When does HE think she has started to agree - when she says 'yes' to a kiss? When she says 'yes' to a date? When she says 'yes' to a conversation? That's delusional and you're in dangerous territory when you start this kind of logic. If you think men are animals who can't stop then I guess they should be shot like animals. Or maybe their parents can just train them properly?
You're the kind of guy pleading blue balls and expecting her to put you out of the misery you guilt her into believing she started. Nope - YOU started it by thinking you were entitled to sex.
I agree with reneeh63 100%. I seldom use the word, but choosing not to stop is about male entitlement, not male sexuality. I think our inability to distinguish between the two leads to a lot of problems
I agree with reneeh63 100%. I seldom use the word, but choosing not to stop is about male entitlement, not male sexuality. I think our inability to distinguish between the two leads to a lot of problems
I don't claim to be an expert, and what I'm about to say, isn't of course for everyone....but, while I'm not advocating unwanted sexual advancements in any way shape or form, there are some men out there addicted to sex who cannot stop...and I believe the more drunk they are, the less aware a young man is of exactly what he is doing....
It's a dangerous game for any woman to get herself into...and what I'm expressing is, I believe most woman can turn off in a snap...and they don't understand, its a bit more difficult for some males, depending on the situation....
I'm not stating this is written in stone, or par for the course, what I'm saying is, why put yourself in an iffy situation?
I agree with reneeh63 100%. I seldom use the word, but choosing not to stop is about male entitlement, not male sexuality. I think our inability to distinguish between the two leads to a lot of problems
I don't claim to be an expert, and what I'm about to say, isn't of course for everyone....but, while I'm not advocating unwanted sexual advancements in any way shape or form, there are some men out there addicted to sex who cannot stop...and I believe the more drunk they are, the less aware a young man is of exactly what he is doing....
It's a dangerous game for any woman to get herself into...and what I'm expressing is, I believe most woman can turn off in a snap...and they don't understand, its a bit more difficult for some males, depending on the situation....
I'm not stating this is written in stone, or par for the course, what I'm saying is, why put yourself in an iffy situation?
Again, it isn't right, but why take a chance...?
Like I said before, my cousin's daughter tells her mother about all the rapes at college frat parties, so then if you know this, why go? It only took me one frat party to understand, wasn't a place I wanted to chance.
Give you a break? You don't even know me or the other poster and I have no idea what-so-ever what your referring to?
In no way are we advocating any situation....? I don't understand your reading comprehension or this post.
Sounds like you really dislike men, but I may be reading you wrong?
Of course I don't dislike men. I just am tired of women being told to see the silver lining and to rejoice over these great lessons that will help us avoid danger. Great - fantastic. Now, a little more attention to the SOURCE of the problem, please.
And why do I have to know you - you don't know me - and neither of us know anyone on CD unless in a purely coincidental or incidental way so that doesn't enter into any discussion on here or any other message board/social media platform.
give me a break. There are many situations in life where we learn lessons that does not mean we in any way advocate for those situations and hope they happen to others. If your first "lesson" had been rape you would not feel the same way - as you state, ss. And cb - just because you learned how careful you would and still need to be every effing day of your life doesn't give cause for any joy. These situations to avoid would have been unnecessary if some fathers taught their son their own lessons. Men are the aggressors in these situations and could have chosen not to act.
+1.
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