Children, Structured Play, and Social Development Risk? (generation, suspect, independent)
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Some parents would probably think this is child abuse, but I let my son run free in our neighborhood.
When I lived in town, and Dan wanted to ride his bike, I'd strap a helmet on him and send him on his way. He knew his limits, and where he wasn't supposed to go, but I let him have the responsibility to play by himself. I lived on a dead end road, and I knew most of my neighbors, and most of them knew me. If he got into trouble, they'd simply bring him home.
The weird thing for me was, Dan was the only child on the street on a bicycle. No other parents would allow their children out, without them being there with them. I remember growing up, and from the time I was 5 on, I played with the neighborhood kids, with no parental supervision. What happened to that?
Aren't we supposed to be raising adults? People who are self sufficient, that don't need big brother looking over their shoulder all the time?
Now I live out in the country, and I let him have free run here to. He is usually the only child down here though, but he has the dog, and some other kids from time to time.
But, many parents would freak that I let my son play outside, alone, next to water. (he knows how to swim)
If something happened to him, I'd be upset about it, but in the end, thats life. I'd rather my son have a few good years of freedom, and happiness, rather than locking him down in a house all day, just so he is safe all the time.
There isn't a problem with parents letting kids play outside alone, it is good for them. There should be "some" need for awareness of your children's whereabouts though. Just sending them out the door with not even a clue where they are headed is just nuts in the society we have grown into. Go out and play with your friends and stay within these boundaries, that is one thing. Not knowing what they are doing or where they are going today is crazy. I personally know three families with children who turned up missing from them, kidnapped and one has never been found to this day, of the other two, one was found tied and bound in a field, alive and the last child ...God I pray...rests in peace. That being said, I DEFINITELY want to know where they are, at least I know where to "start" looking for them should the worst case scenario as this come their way.
Today you cannot even protect adults from harms way, but I think it is part of being an adult and responsibility that you teach children that they need to inform you what they will be doing and where they are going. Just the same as an adult should let their children know what their agenda will be for the day and what time that dinner will be expected to be put before them. That too (communication) is part of growing up and being responsible.
So, you set boundaries for your son and let him go play. I see nothing wrong with that.
Kids are told how to think, how to feel, what to say, what to do.. . The constant hovering is suffocating. In 10 or 15 years we will reap what has been sown over the past 10 or 15 years.
Not so long ago kids grew up and left home, got a job and had a family. These days, kids grow up (in a manner of speaking), and live with parents who don't really mind them being there for the first 10 years into their adulthood. They have it so good at home with mom and dad that they would rather stay right there instead of making anything of themselves.
Trouble is, PARENTS ARE IN DENIAL. They justify the way they raise their kids by saying it's a dangerous world. They justify it by saying any of us who believe kids should grow up with independence and responsibility just don't love our kids enough to want them to stay with us until they are 30.
Parents do not see what they are doing by micromanaging their children and keeping them from growing up, overprotecting them to the point they are paranoid that every stranger is a child molester and squashing the childhood right out of their offspring.
I agree with Memphis' post above. Completely.
I know some parents who hover over their small children, but not many. And these are likely to be parents of only children, which is probably not a coincidence. But in general I don't think these generalizations hold. Most of the families I am close to give their kids free rein within boundaries. I know I do. And if the kids prove they can respect those boundaries, they are given wider ones.
I see it as a societal shift to scare the bejesus out of Parents and Kids. That above all else has created barricaded kids and helicopter parents. You are a bad parent if you don't have a tracking device on your kids. Also the threat of being sued or sent to jail if your brat does something stupid. That being said the GPS implants in my kids go dead when I die.
I have grandchildren that have never seen a day of unsupervised play. It's really sad that we have become so paranoid of the unsavory elements in society, it seems as though we're held hostage by the fear. Home schooling is in large part driven by this same fear, associating with kids from all different social strata is essential for preparation of the child's future social relations. I fully realize the need to protect our kids from those who are lurking around for opportunities to do them harm but we also need to allow the children a certain latitude to sort out their own strengths and weaknesses as opposed to others.
It is hard to imagine the kids of today all grown up and trying to get along in the workplace, out in the communities, in the military, given their background of isolation from the realities of the world beyond their parents control. Of course there are those parents who will be heavily involved in their children's adult years as well, calling the boss when Johnny gets fired for attendance, or Suzy didn't get that promotion, directing the kid's every move, its a shame.
I know some parents who hover over their small children, but not many. And these are likely to be parents of only children, which is probably not a coincidence. But in general I don't think these generalizations hold. Most of the families I am close to give their kids free rein within boundaries. I know I do. And if the kids prove they can respect those boundaries, they are given wider ones.
As I said; denial. It will only change when people acknowledge and admit.
Read through threads on the parenting forum and you will see many good examples of the lasting control parents intend to keep over their offspring, how paranoid they are and how condemning they are of anyone who calls them on it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber
I have grandchildren that have never seen a day of unsupervised play.
It is hard to imagine the kids of today all grown up and trying to get along in the workplace, out in the communities, in the military, given their background of isolation from the realities of the world beyond their parents control. Of course there are those parents who will be heavily involved in their children's adult years as well, calling the boss when Johnny gets fired for attendance, or Suzy didn't get that promotion, directing the kid's every move, its a shame.
Ask those grandchildren's parents and they will deny that statement. Parents honestly don't believe they are making such a mess of their children's lives by hovering and controlling, making excuses for them and protecting them from responsibility and the outside world. They will deny creating fear in their children of anyone who is a stranger, good or bad, which prevents those children from approaching or trusting anyone if they (children) need help or protection.
My daughter (16) and I were just discussing what society will be like in the next 15 years or so when all these kids start growing up. Likely most of them will still be living with mom and dad well into adulthood since that's the way parents want it these days. They will never take responsibility or be accountable for their actions since they have been trained that nothing is their fault and someone else is ALWAYS to blame. It won't be THEIR fault if they aren't successful.
Last edited by NoExcuses; 06-01-2010 at 08:10 AM..
I don't see how a couple weeks at summer camp can undo 11 1/2 months of micromanagement and hovering.
That wasn't my point. The comment I was quoting was that kids were watched more at summer camp then even at home by their parents and I was responding to that. Nowhere in my short post did I mention anything about undoing months of micromanagement and hovering.
That wasn't my point. The comment I was quoting was that kids were watched more at summer camp then even at home by their parents and I was responding to that. Nowhere in my short post did I mention anything about undoing months of micromanagement and hovering.
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