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Sometimes we exhaust out grief to the point where we no longer feel anything. So we go about our day as if nothing had happened. Deep inside you know that this would happen, and that it was for the best. This is why you don't feel a sense of loss. Be glad and go about your life. There is too much grief in this world for you to want more.
About a week ago my dad died. He had been ill for a long time with cancer, so it was not unexpected. Most of the family members reacted with the usual tears and crying, but for some reason I felt no emotion at all. It's not that I didn't love him, because I did. I just didn't feel anything...nothing.
Then yesterday, just before the funeral service, I got angry over something other family members did and just "blew up"....yelled at them and stomped out the door. I almost didn't go to the funeral, but forced myself. The funeral service that followed was very tense, and I just did not want to be there. I didn't go to the potluck dinner that followed. Do you think anger is how my emotions get released in this sort of thing? Is this normal?
Thanks,
Bud
Oh, you feel something. Where do you think that anger came from? There are stages to grieving. Denial is the first, anger the second. So get angry. Give yourself permission to grieve. You will, likely, find, however, that it will take an entire year. Acceptance, the last stage, often occurs shortly after the one year anniversary of the death.
BTW, I have burried my mom, dad, step father (more of a father to me than my father) and my step mother so I've BTDT a few times over. Your outburst is evidence that you are feeling something. Everyone grieves in their own way in their own time. Don't criticize yourself on how you are grieving. Often you're so busy in the days leading up to the funeral you don't have time to grieve. It hits you later. Then you get MAD AS HELL at all those people who SAID they were there for you but just returned to their normal lives and left you to deal with the pieces of yours that no longer fit together. If you think you're mad now, wait six months.
your reaction was normal. What your feeling is normal. Grief has a funny way working itself out. What you are feeling is normal, and not wrong at all. Others should respect that, as you should also respect what and how they are feeling too. It does take time to work itself out.
Everybody reacts in different ways to the death of someone close and your reaction isn't at all unusual. It takes time to sift through everything ... Good luck, it'll all work out.
I agree. Some people react later rather than sooner, or not at all. I never feel sad at funerals, and I sometimes feel awkard because everyone around me is crying and hugging.
You may feel more after a few weeks/months when you haven't seen him in a while and miss him.
About a week ago my dad died. He had been ill for a long time with cancer, so it was not unexpected. Most of the family members reacted with the usual tears and crying, but for some reason I felt no emotion at all. It's not that I didn't love him, because I did. I just didn't feel anything...nothing.
Then yesterday, just before the funeral service, I got angry over something other family members did and just "blew up"....yelled at them and stomped out the door. I almost didn't go to the funeral, but forced myself. The funeral service that followed was very tense, and I just did not want to be there. I didn't go to the potluck dinner that followed. Do you think anger is how my emotions get released in this sort of thing? Is this normal?
Thanks,
Bud
i dont think you had any repressed grief or anything ... i think you just accepted it was his time to go, that death isn't a huge deal, and that there is more to the universe than just this life.
Sometimes it takes few weeks or months for the sharp feeling to emerge or your grief may manifest in other ways, like the outbursts of anger you had shown.
and sometimes it never shows. that's okay too, some people are just resilient.
I am sure there is very good evidence between the average person and this whole 5 stages thing, but I don't really think it's all that accurate for everyone. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time and they said she had 2 months to live, I wasn't in denial. I mean, that's what they said, and I knew what that meant. I was just immediately shocked and depressed and sad. There's nobody to bargain with, it's not like you're buying a used car here, it's just an incredibly lousy unbelievable thing to hear and you can't imagine what is happening. And "acceptance" coming last is too much of a catch-all term anyway. Also I never felt any anger about it because again, there was nobody to be angry at really, and while the very first doctor didn't make a proper diagnosis and indeed my sister was angry at her, I wasn't. Mainly because I'm just too rational I guess, I know doctors make mistakes, I know there was no willful intent to cause harm, and I also know that being angry at a doctor for making a human error isn't going to bring my mom back. It just doesn't make rational sense.
Nobody "accepts" that their mom died in any meaningful sense, really. I mean, you accept it as reality, and know that's what happened, but you only "accept" it because you have to. It's not like you just kind of go, "Oh ok I'm at peace with what happened." And if that isn't what is meant, then the term acceptance is totally useless because it's unfalsifiable -- everyone who is sane accepts reality as reality, that doesn't say anything useful.
I'm sorry about your dad. ANGER is an emotion, at least your feeling something...work thru it and hopefully your loved ones realize that this isn't really about them, in these situations it seems we tend to hurt those we love the mostly cause they are the front runners, there for us in these times.
I cry at the though of losing my daddy or momma and I'm in my 40's!!
my mum died of lung cancer in november but im only starting to have effects now. i have panic and anxiety attacks and worry allt the time. i didnt cry at the funeral and was fine until a family party recently! its really messed with my head. day to day is such a struggle, not knowing how im going to be. does anyone relate to this? I get goosebumps, headaches, panic, feel very tired etc.
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