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Some of you have to act all high and mighty. This is a forum, it's full of opinions, wrong nor right, just opinions.
If you want to pick apart and pick on people, then so be it. I can play like that as well...
Cremebrulee: I respect your opinions. Although, I think we all grieve and I think the OP is as well, it's on their mind, it's obvious weighing him down, they posted about it. See my point?
However, if one doesn't grieve, then fine. I just don't think it's healthy OR they do grieve and just don't realize/want to admit the process.
Sometimes we grieve the loss of someone in our lives long before they actually pass. There are relatives who were close, but for some reason are not any longer and I grieved their loss in my life years ago even though they are still alive and it's more than likely, I will feel more of a sense of indifference when they actually pass.
Sometimes it really depends on the relative. In the case of the OP the example was a grandmother. I felt bad for my mother moreso than the loss of my grandmother when she died. In general, I think we are aware our grandparents will die before everyone else, it's the natural order of things. Had he lost a parent or a sibling before a grandparent there might have been a different reaction - not because of the relationship he had or didn't have with them, but because of the natural order we are taught when it comes to death.
round4
Cremebrulee: I respect your opinions. Although, I think we all grieve and I think the OP is as well, it's on their mind, it's obvious weighing him down, they posted about it. See my point?
However, if one doesn't grieve, then fine. I just don't think it's healthy OR they do grieve and just don't realize/want to admit the process.
Why isn't it healthy?
Was I wrong for not grieving for my aunt...all her life, I heard her sisters complain about her, tell everyone else she was no good, then when she died, everyone was supposed to grieve and cry, and I remember, saying that to everyone, and boy did I get in big trouble. I told my mom, "all you guys ever did was run her down, now she's gone and your carrying on like she was a marvelous person?" boy did I get a whoppin
But seriously....?
Ok, here's what I see, the OP posted, b/c he feels guilty...that he/she isn't grieving, b/c others grieve...that is what is bothering the OP, not the fact that he/she isn't grieving?
I mean, it's ok for you to grieve, and for your feelings, however, none of us could live up to your expectations, of what you feel is normal...and maybe you couldn't live up to what our expectations are...it's all about what society deems normal or odd, really, which doesn't make anyone right or wrong...your not wrong for your feelings...
I always say, I'll never ever remarry, b/c I don't want to live someone else's idea of what my life should be....it's the same thing.
Some of you have to act all high and mighty. This is a forum, it's full of opinions, wrong nor right, just opinions.
If you want to pick apart and pick on people, then so be it. I can play like that as well...
Cremebrulee: I respect your opinions. Although, I think we all grieve and I think the OP is as well, it's on their mind, it's obvious weighing him down, they posted about it. See my point?
However, if one doesn't grieve, then fine. I just don't think it's healthy OR they do grieve and just don't realize/want to admit the process.
They posted about society pushing them to express grieving. Not about not grieving.
I do find it interesting. In one sentence you say that all grieve, then later you say that if one doesn't grieve then fine. So it seems that your opinion is contradictory when discussing factual matters.
They posted about society pushing them to express grieving. Not about not grieving.
I do find it interesting. In one sentence you say that all grieve, then later you say that if one doesn't grieve then fine. So it seems that your opinion is contradictory when discussing factual matters.
???
I think what it boils down to is, people are really getting tired of having they're feelings evaluated...by others...or told they need to do something like get married or grieve b/c it isn't normal....society dictates what is normal or not...look at the artists back in they're day who were way ahead of they're time, some of them genuis or close to it...but because they did not do what society dictated they should do, they were banned from society...it's all about living up to society's expectations which is so wrong...I mean to think in this day and age, that people still hang onto the fact that if your not a member of they're church, then your religion is wrong? Like they're is "The Religion"? Same with societies thoughts on how a person should or should not act. And yet, when a criminal murders someone, they have an excuse like, oh, he or she, came from a bad home...well, so did I, and I never killed anyone, and if I did, then I should face hard core consequences for the act...it's like a double edged sword.
Everyone suffers loss in their own way. For me, I've always found it easier to accept the passing of a loved one when they have lived a full life and made it to a ripe old age. Losing a grandparent is inevitable, and easier to accept. That doesn't mean you don't grieve, but the blow isn't as hard when someone passes after having 7 or 8 decades to fill their bucket.
When I lost my father at the age of 49 and my son at the age of 17, it was much harder to come to terms with their death. Losing a child is a different kind of hell altogether and you're never the same afterwards. A part of your soul dies with them.
It also depends on how close you were to the departed member. I lost a very dear friend at the age of 73, and although he lived a very full life, I miss him dearly and the world just isn't the same without him. He was a larger than life character who you just couldn't imagine dying. When my grandmother died at the age of 83, I felt a sense of loss, but I didn't cry and there was little if any grieving. Doesn't mean I didn't love her, but the quality of her life had taken a downward spiral for the last couple of years of her life, and my mom was exhausted having to take care of her every day. It was just her time to go.
Don't feel obligated to cry or suffer everytime someone passes. Doesn't mean you loved them any less or that you don't care.
But is it true that some people, a good deal of people, don't feel grief at all sometimes over loss?
I think sometimes people feel relief that the person is no longer suffering. Or when it's a sudden death, it could be that you don't grieve because of shock.
When my father died, I didn't cry at all. It wasn't until years later that I teared up when I thought about him, his death and our life together. I suspect, I won't cry for my mother either when she dies.
I cried horribly when my husband died. He's the only person that I really cried about when he died. His brother, I didn't cry when he died. My uncles and aunts that have died, I haven't cried for either. I've had 3 grandparents die and I haven't cried for them either.
They posted about society pushing them to express grieving. Not about not grieving.
I do find it interesting. In one sentence you say that all grieve, then later you say that if one doesn't grieve then fine. So it seems that your opinion is contradictory when discussing factual matters.
???
If you grieve or not is you, It doesn't matter to me, I do believe all grieve in some form or fashion. Admit it or not. Plain and simple.
C-lee: you should probably have grieved for what you didn't have, a loving caring relationship with and Aunt. Sorry you had that type person in your life, you did suffer a loss, just not at death.
Anyway, you people grieve the way you want too, I'm outta of this pecking party.
some of us greive to the point we let ourselves go down hill inhopes we join our loved ones sooner and its working
I spotted this comment of yours and felt it needed a response. I will not go into the point of whether you get to join your loved one after death. I will instead answer that your loved one would not have wished you to treat yourself poorly. You are not being fair to their memory if you do not get on with life. No matter how hard it may feel you have a responsibility to end the grieving process. If you do not, than you are being selfish, and wanting to hold onto your hurt. At some point you must let it go.
As to the OP, it is natural to question why you do not feel like other people when it comes to a loss. Instead of feeling bad because you do not feel bad, simply realize many people have not a good idea of how to respond to a loss. Depersonalization is a very human method of handling it. As is the more obvert expressions of grief that others will display. Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living.
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