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I reached a point where I wanted to "pass" my husband's and son's clothes on to people in need...It was sad "parting" with everything. I even cried at times...But in the end I felt good about donating their clothes...I kept a few of my husband's colored t-shirts. (Which I've worn myself.)
I helped me after a few months to place the clothes I wasn't ready to part with in a unused bedroom closet.
I selected out to keep the clothes that were sentimental to me , cowboy boots, bluejean jacket, favorites..
Then little by little I would grab a few of the clothes when headed to the charity shop to drop other things off.
For me that kept it from ever being a gruelling task where I was parting with all his stuff at one time.
One thing I will never do again is to give them to someone that will wear them when they come over.
That is upsetting, I had to tell this friend that I am glad he liked the shirts but I didn't want to see them on him. LOL
One of my girlfriends wore my husband's last pair of tennis shoes for years. I know this probably sounds weird but the shoes were like new...And my friend and my husband wore the same size..It actually made me feel good and gave me comfort to see my friend wear my husband's shoes. (And love them so much!)...Boy, the shoes sure lasted a long time too! ..My friend finally bought herself a new pair of tennis shoes. (Just recently.) But she still keeps my husband's shoes close-by...It took a long time to find these "special shoes" for my husband. And he was so excited when he found them...He died before he could wear them very much. So it was nice to see my friend love and enjoy and "value" the shoes as much as my husband did. I doubt that she will ever throw them away...My husband decided to go "all out" for her birthday the year before he died. Her son had been "battling cancer" for quite awhile and he just wanted to "tickle her fancy" and give her a reason to smile. (At least for a few minutes anyway!)
Okay. I had enough. Every single thing had some "special" memory! Every single thing! I live in a shrine.
I got tired of being understanding. The straw that broke the camels back? Old, disgusting, worn out placemats on the table. I suggested getting rid of them...."oh no, these hold special memories for me". Done. That was it.
No, it is not over...but he got quite a message tonight.
Okay. I had enough. Every single thing had some "special" memory! Every single thing! I live in a shrine.
I got tired of being understanding. The straw that broke the camels back? Old, disgusting, worn out placemats on the table. I suggested getting rid of them...."oh no, these hold special memories for me". Done. That was it.
No, it is not over...but he got quite a message tonight.
You could start loading the house up with thrift store junk and make up some past memory that you
associate each thing with..Maybe when he is tired of it all, you can suggest that you both get rid of an equal amount of stuff LOL
Okay. I had enough. Every single thing had some "special" memory! Every single thing! I live in a shrine.
I got tired of being understanding. The straw that broke the camels back? Old, disgusting, worn out placemats on the table. I suggested getting rid of them...."oh no, these hold special memories for me". Done. That was it.
No, it is not over...but he got quite a message tonight.
If he didn't get the message, jasper, time to move on.
jasper...I'm sorry. There's got to be a time when a couple starts deciding (or even buying) things together...When my husband and I first got married I bought him tons of things for his birthday. (A watch, shirts, all kinds of things including a "collage" picture frame.)...Well he put a prominent photo of his first wife in one of the "peepholes" of the "collage." (Along with other photos of his kids and grandkids, etc.)...It bothered me that he just put the "collage" up without mentioning that he was including a photo of his first wife too...All our photos lined the walls of the stairs to our upper level. It felt weird seeing his first wife staring at me all the time. I told him it bothered me...We compromised and I added a photo of my first husband to one of my "collages." Then we were "even" and I didn't think about it anymore. And he didn't either.. We knew we didn't want to be with our "ex's." They were just part of our history.
.Well he put a prominent photo of his first wife in one of the "peepholes" of the "collage." (Along with other photos of his kids and grandkids, etc.)..
It would have bothered me if it was an EX more than a "deceased spouse"
I am widowed now and have pictures of my late husband around . Some are with me & the kids ect..
If I were to remarry, It seems a photo album is a good solution.
I could look at them anytime but they aren't "in the face" of my husband..
My marriage was a second marriage and he had a "late" wife, I had an Ex...Neither or us
expected the other to look everyday at photos on the wall of our previous spouses..
But my boys had pictures in their rooms of their dad..that was their space and certainly okay..
I've always kept small photo albums of my previous lives in a dresser drawer not matter who I was with. Never heard Earl or the last pos before him complain so I guess that was the way to go.
Oh, Jasper. I don't know why you say it is not over. You can't possibly expect him to magically change or move on or get over it or whatever phrase you choose. That man has SERIOUS issues, and they will always be present. Placemats???? I am not one to give this advice lightly, because as a widow, I understand wanting to keep parts of your history, but COME ON! If I were to play armchair psychologist, I'd ask why are you staying in such a one-sided relationship? Why are you afraid to leave him?
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