Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just a clarification, I don't live with this guy. I just think if he wants a girlfriend, any GF, that he really needs to start with getting rid of his dead wife's stuff. I don't have an agenda here, just helping him move forward with his life.
But, I think there is only room for two toothbrushes in a bathroom...no ultimatum, just a statement.
And I am very okay with stuff that might really creep out someone else...maybe this needs to be a whole different thread, on issues dating a widower...
Something about the term "dead wife's stuff" seems odd & harsh..
His late wife or deceased wife sounds so much nicer..
kelly, we don't need to be "PC" here. IRL I'm sure that is not the termanology used but here it is okay, IMO, to speak as you want. I'm pretty sure no one but you found that offensive. We do not need "PC Police". Thank you for commenting though.
I think that widowers might be more overwhelmed with this task than widows. He is not used to touching or going thru her things, whereas women routinely organize spouses belongings.
Something for children to consider, and offer helping.
kelly, we don't need to be "PC" here. IRL I'm sure that is not the termanology used but here it is okay, IMO, to speak as you want. I'm pretty sure no one but you found that offensive. We do not need "PC Police". Thank you for commenting though.
I have no idea what PC IRL IMO & PC police mean. I wasn't offended just letting the poster know that if she
uses that term to her boyfriend it may seem harsh to him...
That is probably the least sympathetic post I have ever seen. There are no rules here and whatever it takes to get over your loss you do. "Having his cake and eating it too...." mod cut
I lost my wife of 28 years a couple weeks ago and I can so sympathize on how hard it will be to move her stuff.....its like trying to erase her.....all of us have to do that in our own time. Only kind words of encouragement will help this guy. He'll get there.....he has moved on in parts of his life and with the encouragement and love of the new girlfriend he will move past this. He will never forget.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 07-26-2012 at 06:37 AM..
Reason: no slamming a poster
I have no idea what PC IRL IMO & PC police mean. I wasn't offended just letting the poster know that if she
uses that term to her boyfriend it may seem harsh to him...
PC - politically correct
IRL - in real life
IMO - in my opinion
PC police - posters who take umbrage at every misstep of a word or phrase and try to teach manners or correct what they see as offensive language over the internet, a futile endeavor if ever there was one
To the OP: We all get over our grief differently. If you aren't ready to let your husband's tools go, then know that you don't have to.
Also know that your son is going to grieve in his own way. Men are silly that way. He might need the tools for closure and not want to tell you that, so he's making a far bigger deal over it than it should be. Or he could simply be selfish - We have no way of knowing.
Stick together in these times. When a spouse passes away, there is an emptiness - A hole where they used to be. We all feel it. You'll probably have times when you feel fine and others when you melt down because you smelled something that reminds you of them.
That's okay - You do what you have to to overcome your grief. It's sad when a loved one leaves us, even temporarily. Just know that it's not permanent. You'll see each other again.
I think that widowers might be more overwhelmed with this task than widows. He is not used to touching or going thru her things, whereas women routinely organize spouses belongings.
Something for children to consider, and offer helping.
My stepmom passed away a year and a half ago. Neither my dad or her kids are willing or able to get rid of her belongings, for the most part. They do not want me to either. (Exception: her meds. One of her kids is a known drug addict, so I got dad to hand them over to me to take to a pharmacy 'take back' day, for her son's sake)
BUT, recently, her grandson's longtime gf lost her phone again. She does this a LOT, but this time, she could not afford to replace it (iPhone). My stepmom's iPhone is just sitting in the house - I helped my father transfer all her contacts to his phone about a month after her passing and called to discontinue the service (he couldn't bring himself to do it, and she was still getting calls). So... knowing that dad LOVES this girl (she and the grandson have been together for more than 4 years), I suggested he give HER the phone and help them out. About a month later, I saw on her FB status that he had! Yay for him!
Now if he'd just change the home phone outgoing answering machine message... I can only call his cell these days because still hearing her voice on the answering machine creeps me out. I know I can't push him, but if there were ONE THING I could change, that would be it. Of course, it's her voice, so it's unlikely he's ever going to be ready to let that go.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
