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When I was a kid, I went on a road trip with my grandparents once.
We drove by my grandfather's stepfather's grave. I asked grandad if he wanted to stop and visit the grave. His response was, "No, I don't need to take a p*** right now."
He was pretty straight up about his disdain for his stepfather long after he had died.
If you think about it, what is the point of being respectful to a nasty person who died? Just because he's dead doesn't mean he was a good person.
This might belong in the other forum so please feel free to move if so.
In the last two weeks, two people I didn't care for and/or had strong dislike feelings for passed away.
Last year a co-worker passed away and I could not stand her. She was not a nice person in any sense of the word...harsh, I know but true.
I'm old school on many things and since one of them is the old adage of "don't speak ill of the dead" what do I do when approached?
To #1, who happens to be cousin by marriage's mother, I purposely leave out the part that she totally wrote off her ex-husband's nieces and nephews then whined to anyone who would listen that they wanted nothing to do with her since the divorce (thus creating a wedge between the cousins that didn't need to be there). Not true...they tried many times to keep in touch but gave up after getting shot down for their attempts after three years.
I can at least come up with, she was greatly loved by her children and grandchildren.
To #2-A person I know thru other friends. We never hit it off...that's ok, we never had to be friends, I have plenty and so did she.
She was also a retiree from my work, and since I have to deal with part of their retirement benefits, I had to deal with her. If one tiny little thing wasn't to her liking, her favorite thing to do was make my life miserable. She would call, cuss me out or report me to my boss. He of course knew how she was so never acted on what she wanted him to do with me.
I've come up with....I'm glad she had a nice long retirement....and leave it at that.
To #3- She truly was of the devil I swear. She would attach herself to every new employee and fill them in on how things truly were around there. Gossip was her middle name....only if the gossip was evil. One of our male co-workers did a very nice thing for me and the next thing you know, she's attempting to start a rumor that we were an item. This guy was so nice and newly married. Luckily everyone knew how she was. This is just a small example of her antics.
I've come up with...she had pretty hair.
It's not like I'm approached all the time about them but as two of them are recent and the other we occationally run across someone who doesn't realize they passed away.
I guess what I'm asking is how do YOU respond in similar circumstances?
Personally I would not say anything at all and would not waste my time to go to any services either. Why bother when you did not care for them while they were living not much to do after they have crossed over. Send a sympathy card if you feel the need otherwise don't bother with any of it.
I will feel this way when my monster in law dies. I have nothing but severe dislike...okay hatred, for that woman (and I use that term loosely). I cannot even begin to tell you the things she has done to me, let alone her own children. But my husband has yet to cut those apron strings, despite the things she has done to him and me. So it will be a little odd when she dies, because my husband will be upset, but I will not give a rat's a$$.
I resent the fact that she is still walking this earth and my amazing mom is gone. I say to myself over and over, "it should have been her".
It depends. If I do not care for the perosn but have relationshp with spouse ;daughter;so etc;i willoften go to pay my respects and give them my condolences. I hardly think the dead cares one way or the other sicne you either believed he/she has passed on or isn't anywhere.
There are two people I once knew who are still alive and I hope I am still around to celebrate when they are gone. Both of them physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially abused me as well as others, probably many more people than I even know or suspect. I have scars and bones that hurt because of them but other things they did were much worse.
When they're gone, I will be glad and i don't feel any guilt about that.
How about "No comment" It doesn't sound like you were close at all to any of them...I might be surprised if folks had anything to discuss w/ you about them.
There are two people I once knew who are still alive and I hope I am still around to celebrate when they are gone. Both of them physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially abused me as well as others, probably many more people than I even know or suspect. I have scars and bones that hurt because of them but other things they did were much worse.
When they're gone, I will be glad and i don't feel any guilt about that.
No. One is a relative, the other an unfortunate mistake... Lots of people have experienced similar things, many have endured much worse. People talk about forgiveness, etc but idk how to forgive evil so i'd rather celebrate its' demise.
Thank you, Tami
No. One is a relative, the other an unfortunate mistake... Lots of people have experienced similar things, many have endured much worse. People talk about forgiveness, etc but idk how to forgive evil so i'd rather celebrate its' demise.
Thank you, Tami
I understand, izzy. Being only human, sometimes we can not achieve the lofty attitudes shrinks and clergy would like us to. It is so much easier said than done and they haven't walked in your shoes. It's such a personal thing that you need to do what you need to do for yourself no matter how others have dealt with their own situations.
A long time ago, an uncle of mine died. He was mean to everyone in the family and humilated me, picked on another aunt, and was mean to his daughter. I went to his funeral but didn't really want to be there, but that's the thing we do --- make sure that all of us attend funerals to pay our respects. I was sad that a fellow human being died, and that he was so shell-shocked from World War II that he never got better adn took it out on many relatives. But it was difficult for me not to say anything. A friend of an older cousin came in and said, "He was such a nice man". Well, maybe he was to her, but not to me. I kept quiet, and nodded in agreement.
And then I thought of the happier moments when he was nice to me when I was growing up. Then I got really sad.
So, perhaps not saying anything at all is a good idea.
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