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Your absolute best revenge is not attending the funeral. Hell, when my mother-in-law croaked, I didn't go to hers! I simply don't attend funerals of 40-watt bulbs, dahlings.
She wasn't nearly as horrendous as your person, but she was a drunken housewife. Need I say more?
The point is that many people don't attend funerals of people they dearly love, not just "40 watt bulbs." I wouldn't attend my mother-in-laws funeral either, even if someone handed me 5 million dollars. But I also have not attended funerals of people I deeply loved. I can't be around other people during grieving.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I have learned over the years, that writing and mailing, or hitting the SEND button has mostly horrendous consequences for the sender. It's a bell that can't be unrung. Words are powerful tools, and when used in anger can destroy everything. If you write a letter or email and send it, you need to think about how this will make you feel in one, three or five years. Will you regret having done this? If there's even a smidgen of doubt, take a time out for a few days or weeks and decide then if you're still angry or if you probably should just let it go. If by then, you still want to send the letter, write it, but don't send it for a few more weeks. In time, your desire to hurt this person will fade, and by not sending the letter, you will never have anything to regret later on.
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
Absolutely not.
#1, sharing that will not change how you feel or the circumstances, so why go down that road?
#2, attending a funeral is to show your respects to the deceased, but more so, to support those they are survived by.
If you do not care about the people grieving the loss of the deceased enough to go and be supportive of them, simply don't go. But do not send a letter bashing the deceased. Doing so would be pointless, thoughtless, and tasteless.
This goes back to a friendship that began freshman year in college. The gratuitous words that came out of this wench's mouth were repugnant and a friendship spanning decades ended over this. My parents know the details of the situation and find it disgusting. Mom and Dad are of the "let it go" school (more so my Mom).
Who would be sending you the death notice? A spouse/sibling/child of this woman? Or one of your parents? What kind of relationship did the sender have with the woman?
No. The person you despised is dead. There is nothing to gain from hurting his relatives and loved ones. And if he was really a rotten person, you aren't telling them anything they don't already know. Just give your condolences to the family and move on.
The Latin phrase De mortuis nihil nisi bonum (“Of the dead, nothing unless good”), indicates that it is socially inappropriate to speak ill of the dead.
As other have already said, just move on, the person you detest is gone and cannot answer you, so likewise you should keep your silence and move on with your life.
The people who would read it are people who are grieving the loss of that person.
Why in the world would you even CONSIDER adding more misery to these people?
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Even the Romans knew the answer to this question
