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Hi, recently I have lost a friend who I had dated for less than a year about three years ago. Since we had broken up, our contact was limited. I did see him once or twice since breaking up. About three days before his death, after not speaking with him about a year, we began speaking again. He expressed to me that he was interested in dating me again, and I agreed to see where things would go. Well our "first date" was set for last Thursday evening. Tragically he passed in a motorcycle accident that Thursday morning. I haven't seen him in a year and I'm upset that I never had the chance to see him once more.
I am not sure what is appropriate for me to attend in regard to his funeral. While we were once close, I haven't maintained contact consistently the past few years. The viewing is Wednesday evening. The mass & burial is on Thursday. Would it be inappropriate for me to attend all? Or should I just attend the viewing? I am seeking closure too, but I do not want to offend family. Thank you for your advice.
What it is appropriate to do depends upon how well you knew the family, and what their attitude is toward you, if you know. And you haven't mentioned these things.
While you want closure, you obviously would not want to intrude if there were any reason they had bad feelings toward you. Going to the wake seems appropriate, and for the rest I'd wing it depending upon how comfortable you felt at the wake.
If you want to attend the viewing and the funeral, then go. If anyone asks how you knew him, you can tell them that you were friends for a few years. No one needs to know that you dated him, that you were out of touch, or that he wanted to date you again and that you had a date for Thursday. Your only goal is to pay your respects and I hope that whatever you do brings you the comfort and closure that you need. I am sure that his family would be honored and comforted to see people who thought highly of their loved one.
However, if there was any drama associated with the end of your first relationship with him or if you did not get along with his family, then I would just send flowers and not attend.
What it is appropriate to do depends upon how well you knew the family, and what their attitude is toward you, if you know. And you haven't mentioned these things.
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Kevxu, the OP said he wasn't close to his family, and she never had the chance to meet them as they lived in another state for the past 12 years.
I'm so sorry you lost your friend.
I had much the same thing happen to me at the tender age on 17. My ex wanted to get back together but he was killed in an accident a couple days before we could really sit down and talk.
My 2 cents is...go to what you need to go to for your closure. More than likely his family will appreciate having someone that their loved one cared about there to mourn with them.
Hi, recently I have lost a friend who I had dated for less than a year about three years ago. Since we had broken up, our contact was limited. I did see him once or twice since breaking up. About three days before his death, after not speaking with him about a year, we began speaking again. He expressed to me that he was interested in dating me again, and I agreed to see where things would go. Well our "first date" was set for last Thursday evening. Tragically he passed in a motorcycle accident that Thursday morning. I haven't seen him in a year and I'm upset that I never had the chance to see him once more.
I am not sure what is appropriate for me to attend in regard to his funeral. While we were once close, Ihaven't maintained contact consistently the past few years. The viewing is Wednesday evening. The mass & burial is on Thursday. Would it be inappropriate for me to attend all? Or should I just attend the viewing? I am seeking closure too, but I do not want to offend family. Thank you for your advice.
One of the people at my father's visitation/wake was a man that I hadn't meet before. He came up and introduced himself as my father's room mate in the hospital 35 yearsearlier. He said that he happened to notice the obituary and decided to come to tell us how much he enjoyed meeting my father and spending 10 days in the same hospital room listening to my father tell stories and talking with him. He said that he often thought about my father and his "philosophy of living each day to the fullest" and tried to do that in his own life.
It was very nice learning that my father had touched someone's life in that way.
So, even if you hadn't maintained contact with your friend or met his family it is OK for you to attend. If asked all you have to say is that you were a good friend several years ago and express your sadness at his passing.
Thank you all. I was informed that all friends and family are welcome to the funeral and viewing. I will probably go to both, but perhaps not the burial, depending on how things go. I am looking forward to some closure, this past week has been a little rough. It's still unbelievable to me that he is gone and I do take comfort in our conversation shortly before his death. I also find it very coincidental (or maybe its not a coincidence at all!) that he got in touch with me just a couple of days before he died. I'm genuinely happy that he and I have resolved our differences. It's too bad that I'll never have a chance to see anything come of it. Again, I thank you all for your sympathy.
So sorry for your loss. Please let us know how you make out. If I may ask, who notified you about his passing? I was just wondering if someone is his family was aware that you and he were back in touch. You'll have to play it by ear as to whether to mention it to the family. If I were the young man's mother, I might want to know that you were someone my son was interested in and had reconnected with, just like I would feel comforted by meeting any of his close friends. I would also probably appreciate knowing that my son was happy and looking foward to a fun evening at the time of his passing.
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