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I just would like to share a few things with all of you.
To believe in yourself, is a lesson I have learned.
Just minutes ago, my dear friend sent to me a email. I clicked onto it and it was a clip of a blind man sitting down outside, in a city downtown square, a sign next to him reading, "I am blind, NEED HELP" he is holding in front of him, a large tin can. Very few people gave him money as they walked by and then a beautiful woman walked by wearing a all black outfit and she stopped and read his sign, picked it up, turned it around and wrote, "It is a BEAUTIFUL DAY and I can't see it". Every person after that who walked by you can hear the cling of coins hitting the inside of the tin can.
Change your words, change your world.
A very important person, who means the world to me, helped me with this same scenerio recently. I struggled with my grief, making myself miserable, not treating myself with kindness and respect by not taking care of myself properly. Whinning and complaining, crying. This person who I love more than anyone else in the world, who I cherish, perhaps did the best favor to me, she let go of me realizing her support was not helping me, kinda like learning to ride a bike for the first time, you have help to balance yourself on the bike, then the person finally lets go and allows you to balance yourself alone. I can't thank this person enough.
How does this relate to the video??? Perfectly. I am now alone without the people who I loved the most to support me, learning to change my words, and thus changing my mind to believe even though I grieve there is beauty to life, life is worth living with or without my husband.
To place perspective on this, we all have our limits, good, bad or indifferent. We can support a person, but if this person is not helping theirselves, chances are this person we are trying to support is not receptive in any help and sometimes we need to let go and allow this person to find their own way.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I think that taking your first steps as a widow are the scariest. When we're first widowed, we spend much of those early weeks or months trying to figure things out and getting through the business of dying--getting personal representative papers so we can close out bank accounts and set up new ones, change titles on cars and homes, collect life insurance, arrange for health insurance, all sorts of business issues. Then, when that's all in place, it's long after the funeral (if there was one), and friends have returned to their routines, and we're just developing new ones.
This is when I think we need friends the most; when the dust has settled and we're beginning to figure out our new lives. That's scary, and that's when I wanted advice, comfort, friends, support and guidance the most. Right after dh's death, I was shell-shocked and numb, I just did what people said and moved like a zombie through those first weeks and months. But, later, I fell apart, cried, and realized I was on my own. I had questions, needed fears calmed, wanted to talk to those who'd been where I was. But, that's also when everyone figures you must be okay because you seem to be doing fine and moving forward. Little do they know. So, even though it's tempting to be there for the new widow, she might appreciate you more two or three months down the road when she's realizing the enormity of it all and wants someone to listen to her and hold her while she cries. So, it's important to listen to people and watch them to see if they need you later rather than right away.
You are so right. That is when I broke down, almost two months after my DH passed. Unfortunately, I fell apart and I was a mess. People slammed the door thinking I ought to be over the grieving part and get on with my life. I don't fault them, everyone is different and has their limits.
I am in a much better frame of mind. All that you spoke about rings so true for me.
Very true posts there, smilin and Marcy. NO ONE will ever know what you are going through and feeling who hasn't been here. Look at phonelady, 22 years (I think), remarried but still mourns deep down inside for her first love. I can understand that as I'm sure all of can. Others would probably be shocked, roll the eyes and wonder "how come?" We all need to come to grips in our own time and manner.
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