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How old are your children? If they are anything like mine (30 & 32) they wouldn't even think to send a card because to them it is "physical medium" which they feel is outdated. Did they send you flowers or anything?
My heart hurts for you Curmudgeon because I imagine it is very painful. At some point you may want to consider discussing this with them.
My two best friends sent nothing when my husband died although people who were barely more than acquaintances did. One of the friends was out of state but the other one was in the same town and at one time, we were the best of friends. When his mother died a few years ago, I sent him a card but still have heard nothing. Needless to say I don't have anything to do with them any longer. In my opinion when you lose a spouse your friends should be there in some way to comfort you, whether it's a card, phone call, flowers, whatever.
Chiluvr, I agree your friends should be there to comfort you. And like you one of my friends was out of town so I did not even let her know until they were home and the other actually came to sit with me while I waited for the mortuary to come take Joe. She called to see how he was doing and he was gone and she did not want me sitting there alone even though I told her I was fine. I had already bathed him and moved furniture some so they could get him out of his chair easily and the hospice nurse was also on her way. I just live in the middle of nowhere so it takes time for people to get here. Over two hours for mortuary and about an hour and a half for hospice nurse. So this friend did more for me than just send a card. She was physically there for me. Another friend said he will kick himself forever for not coming over. Again I told him I was ok and I was at peace with how everything ended. It was peaceful not like when my first husband died struggling so hard in my arms and in hospital in nurses arms. It was awful and haunted me for years.
I only notified a handful of people. I really wanted to just be left alone. I was exhausted and just wanted to lock my doors and I let the answering machine pick up the calls. And yes now it is all about me because I held strong through all of this for 4 years all by myself no family no help. I never let Joe down and now it is time for me to heal my heart and body from the abuse of lack of sleep and constant worry and being basically on call 24/7.
As in your case, no announcement, no obit, no memorial service, just personal notifications to those who did or should have cared.
What was upsetting to me regarding my children was that while they may not have greatly cared for my wife for her own sake, they should have cared for her greatly as THE paternal grandma to their children. My childrens' mother has been in a memory loss facility for years suffering from early-onset dementia (beginning at about age 46 as close as we all can figure) and was none too stable before that. My wife, a former midwife who delivered hundreds of babies at home births, dearly loved the grandchildren and showed it many ways. That should have been acknowledged and memorialized. It hasn't been and I find that most hurtful.
Right she was your childrens , childrens grandmother. Very sad for you Curmudgeon. Maybe they just do not realize the hurt they caused you. My adoptive mother had several boyfriends after adoptive father died. I did not go as far as to call them dad at this point but I was always happy for her to be able to find some happiness after living with an alcoholic for 46 years. She traveled around the world after he died and just had herself a blast. I never felt slighted by her boyfriends and even kept in touch with one after she died. He is gone now too. Just because you and your late wife got together later in life does not mean you two had in any less love for each other. Some times those later relationships are far better because both of you know what it is like to be mistreated and would never consider doing that to some one else. I was 35 and Joe was 45 when we got together. It worked out wonderfully for us.
How old are your children? If they are anything like mine (30 & 32) they wouldn't even think to send a card because to them it is "physical medium" which they feel is outdated. Did they send you flowers or anything?
My heart hurts for you Curmudgeon because I imagine it is very painful. At some point you may want to consider discussing this with them.
From top to bottom my children are 47, 45, 41, 33 and 29. They sent nothing at all and they know I'm not on Facebook or anything like it. I'm not going to say anything because if I did I might explode at them and nothing would be served by it. My wo sons, the two oldest children, did offer to come spend some time with me but I thanked them and declined. I just wasn't ready for house guests, even well meaning ones.
From top to bottom my children are 47, 45, 41, 33 and 29. They sent nothing at all and they know I'm not on Facebook or anything like it. I'm not going to say anything because if I did I might explode at them and nothing would be served by it. My wo sons, the two oldest children, did offer to come spend some time with me but I thanked them and declined. I just wasn't ready for house guests, even well meaning ones.
But is it good for you to keep this bottled up? Maybe a simple note sent to all five of them expressing how much they hurt you by ignoring your beloved wife's death? You are a much stronger person that I am because if my kids did that to me I wouldn't be able to handle it so graciously and without saying a thing.
But is it good for you to keep this bottled up? Maybe a simple note sent to all five of them expressing how much they hurt you by ignoring your beloved wife's death? You are a much stronger person that I am because if my kids did that to me I wouldn't be able to handle it so graciously and without saying a thing.
It's not really bottled up. It's just there, for now, and I don't dwell upon it. I try to choose my 'battles' wisely and this really isn't one of them.
Nah, I don't keep score. My grandmother used to. My mother didn't and neither do I.
Im with you.. in fact at such a time I dont even know if I went through all the cards.. Im not meaning to make less of death but keeping scores is like watching how many reps you have on here, I couldnt even guess what mine are and dont care... its not important to me..
You are a much stronger person that I am because if my kids did that to me I wouldn't be able to handle it so graciously and without saying a thing.
Me neither. They would be hearing it from me at some point.
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Slowly but surely coming out of hibernation. Actually went to town (18 miles away) to do some needed grocery shopping Thursday.
