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That's quite true. After my father died, my mother became diabetic, hypertensive, her arthritis kicked into high gear, and she acquired IBS and lactose intolerance. Lactose intolerance? Stress and loneliness are killers. She was a mess for a few years. I managed to drag her kicking and crying through it. I made her go to a grief therapist; she'd been threatening to end her life. I told her I'd have her declared mentally incompetent if she didn't go. She believed me. I think it had something to do with my eyeglasses and countenance. She wasn't going on my watch.
I think it’s ok to feel offended. No more birthday cards for people who can't even acknowledge the death of a loved one. As for the cousin who was loving to your mother in her lifetime, I would let her know how much she’s upset you. That way you two can hopefully have conversation afterwards as a result which might help both of you heal and get closer. Not expressing to someone how much they’ve hurt you is really dishonest to yourself and them and no progress can be made.
When my brother died on jan 18 2014 one of his best friends did not say anything or send anything . His mother told me that he was aware that my brother had died but he did not know what to say . So he left it alone . I chalk it up to surprise and sadness .
Honestly, every "Condolence" I received was just another dagger into my heart when my wife of 20+ years passed. I didn't advertise her passing and wasn't looking for acknowledgement of it. The bits o' mail I still get in her name still hurts.
I'll personally never send one myself because of how all the ones I received made me feel.
Honestly, every "Condolence" I received was just another dagger into my heart when my wife of 20+ years passed. I didn't advertise her passing and wasn't looking for acknowledgement of it. The bits o' mail I still get in her name still hurts.
I'll personally never send one myself because of how all the ones I received made me feel.
You better get used to the mail. Some will be coming in her name the rest of your life.
I have an aunt (my mother's little sister) who has been estranged from the family since about 1982. This is by her choice. This aunt chose to wash her hands of all of us.
In 2010 her mother died. We contacted this aunt and told her that grandma had died, even though she had not spoken to her own mother in about 30 years. She said: "OK. Thanks for telling me." That's the last we heard from her. She didn't bother to attend her own mother's funeral or reach out to any family members.
The only thing that really peeves me about this is that the biitch cashed her inheritance check. My mother decided not to be as petty as her sister. When the lawyer settled grandma's estate mom made sure her crazy sister got her share of everything. She got it without even calling to say "thank you" for a nice little bundle of money.
A few years later my father died in 2017. This same aunt never called or sent a card or anything. It's like we don't exist. It's all a mystery because we never did a damn thing to her. But I have been in contact with her children (my cousins) through Facebook. They're estranged from her too. They don't speak to their own mother.
In my early 20s, I had a group of six or eight friends with whom I spent a lot of time. I helped them move. Let them sleep on my couch. Fed them when they were short a few bucks. Literally saw them every weekend.
Then my father unexpectedly slipped into a coma and died a week later. Not a word from any of them. They weren't at the funeral.
A week or so later, one of them called me about the coming weekend. "Heard your dad died. Drag."
I immediately wrote them out of my life and started looking for a better quality of friends. Mind you, I didn't expect them to be at my side throughout the ordeal. But a call, a drop-in, an appearance at the funeral might have been nice.
In my early 20s, I had a group of six or eight friends with whom I spent a lot of time. I helped them move. Let them sleep on my couch. Fed them when they were short a few bucks. Literally saw them every weekend.
Then my father unexpectedly slipped into a coma and died a week later. Not a word from any of them. They weren't at the funeral.
A week or so later, one of them called me about the coming weekend. "Heard your dad died. Drag."
I immediately wrote them out of my life and started looking for a better quality of friends. Mind you, I didn't expect them to be at my side throughout the ordeal. But a call, a drop-in, an appearance at the funeral might have been nice.
This. I got the same response from 2 friends I had known for over 20 years when my dad died a few years ago. I was immediately done with them. Good friends show up. Period.
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