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I do not want this to turn into a cry/pity fest so please do not feel sorry for me because I know I am not the first person to experience this and certainly not the last. This is a natural part of our lives (after all we are all human beings) and will eventually happen to everyone. I have only grown as a person from this and now fully accept it but many seem to be unable to.
My grandmother was pretty much everything to me, father, mother, care taker, teacher. Even taught a young man on how to do his daily ablutions and how to treat individuals. I was thankful and still am. I guess you could understand that everyone was shocked to hear that she died.
The thing was only two of us were around to actually see it happen and it was NOT pleasant in anyway shape or form. My grandmother went into surgery to get her neck drained of fluid because the doctor saw it would soon be the cause of an on coming stroke.
She goes in with complications--sent to a nursing home to recover and released a short time after. I guess you could say it was a shock to wake up that next night (The night before Thanksgiving) to hear my grandmother gargling then to rush into the room and see her shaking and sweating in such an erratic behavior. Shortly after she loses it and goes toward the floor--her eyes roll to the back of her head and soon the shaking stopped.
This was the women who truly was everything (I guess I did lie about being completely over it as my eyes still moist at even thinking about this let alone expressing it but im fine) to me! So much respect and dignity and pride.
To wrap this up and get to the point whole heartily. It was interesting to see decent (never really visited or stayed to know ANYTHING) relatives walking around and telling people that she simply "Passed away" which could not be further from the truth (they were not even there!)--she was very lucid at the start and even requested to have the hospital (I knew it was bad when she said that).
As we get older do we truly believe this. I could only imagine that few people have that luxury--that seems to always fall in favor of the lucky/ignorant/degenerates (drunk drivers, they never see it coming). Is it more so 'I just do not wanna think about it' (Kind of like what happens to your body when your dead and people STILL REFUSE to be an organ donor) it simply scares people to much..Even tho none of us will ever know on how we will pass on but the reality is--its GOING to happen to you eventually so why lie about it.
Eh I guess their is no point in thinking about something so final when there are far to many variables to really know the circumstances of ones passing.
What is your point of conversation? That only a lucky few get to die in their sleep? That our last moments on earth can be tortuous and terrifying and people don't relay that to mourners?
Sorry to hear about your loss. I think people say things like that in order to provide themselves with solace. Perhaps they feel she really didn't suffer...perhaps they feel bad for not being there for her...perhaps they don't want others to feel uncomfortable about her death. Who knows?
Death is ugly sometimes but at least she had you when she was alive and you her. She is really lucky to have a grandson like you....wow! It sounds as though the world is a better place because she lived. You are on CD writing to others about her and I'm going to go put my son to bed and give him extra hugs and kisses!
Sorry to hear about your loss. I think people say things like that in order to provide themselves with solace. Perhaps they feel she really didn't suffer...perhaps they feel bad for not being there for her...perhaps they don't want others to feel uncomfortable about her death. Who knows?
Death is ugly sometimes but at least she had you when she was alive and you her. She is really lucky to have a grandson like you....wow! It sounds as though the world is a better place because she lived. You are on CD writing to others about her and I'm going to go put my son to bed and give him extra hugs and kisses!
You sound like such a sweet woman. You know as a child I used to fantasize about having such a mother and envied the guys who had one!
And you made really good point. Seeing as how the people that went around saying how 'easy' the situation NEVER came around (you had to come to them and it was maybe once every 4 years ). It makes me stand back and say 'how dare you' why cant some people just keep their trap shut. That would probably be the most dignifying way to go about it but face value meaning nothing to people today.
Many people are in a shock or daze when someone close dies unexpectedly, or quickly, and they do not feel like they are ready to discuss all the personal details involving the death. So they give an explanation that is worded so as to not elicit those types of personal questions from others. At that moment, right after a death, they are not ready to share with others in all the details. Later, with the passing of time, they may open up to a select few. People cope with grief in different ways.
My sincere condolences go out to you on the passing of your dear grandmother.
"Passed away" is simply a more gentle way of saying "died". As a journalist it's not a phrase that I've often used. Your grandmother died. As hard as it was for you to see, it's nice that you were there at the end. I've always regretted that I wasn't at my late wife's side at the time of her death. I know she wanted me there....
My late wife died suddenly too, and totally unexpectedly, when an aneurysm burst in her brain. She'd had a headache for a couple days, on and off for a week, but her doctor blamed it on her meds and adjusted them. One Friday night she kissed me, said "I love you," and went upstairs for her nightly bath. A few minutes later I heard her moan. I thought it was probably the cats getting into something and ignored it.
Ten minutes later she moaned again. The cats, then downstairs, the dog and I all went running upstairs. I already knew what I was going to say to her: "You scared me!"
But one glance at her and I knew she was gone. She looked terrified. She knew it was coming, as she'd put on her "go to visit grandma" night gown. Yes, I called 911 and started giving her CPR, and when the ambulance crew arrived they were able to get her heart started again, but she was gone -- pronounced dead later the next day when there was no brain activity. She didn't "pass away" either, but if it's easier for her loved ones to say that rather than "died," then so be it.
Your grandmother was lucky to have you in her life, just as you were lucky to have her. And just as my late wife and I were lucky to have each other in our lives. We made the most of being together, and it sounds like you and your grandmother did too. When I go, I can only hope that one of my grandkids can say the things you've said about your grandmother, can remember me fondly, and has something good to say about me to his or her kids.
Keep your grandmother's spirit alive on Earth by reliving the pleasant times with her, tell about your experiences with her that speak to who she was, and smile when you think of her. It's what she'd want.
When I was much younger, I heard a woman at a funeral gushing, "He looks so good! He looks like he could speak." This is supposed to comfort the widow? I don't think so. Generally, though, I think people say things they think is proper. Someone commented to my mother about the long life my father had when he died at age 97. Mother didn't appreciate those words since just because a person lives to 97 doesn't mean it's time to die. I'm sorry for your loss seems to be what I hear lately.
I've heard others say how thankful they were to have their loved one die in their arms. I am so thankful it has never happened that way for me. I don't think I would ever recover from the memory of such an event. I can certainly see how traumatic it would be for the op.
What is your point of conversation? That only a lucky few get to die in their sleep? That our last moments on earth can be tortuous and terrifying and people don't relay that to mourners?
I didn't mean for that ^^^^^ to sound rude or harsh, RumN, although after rereading it I can see it sounds that way. I just wanted to know what specifically you wanted to discuss. My apologies for sounding so harsh.
I didn't mean for that ^^^^^ to sound rude or harsh, RumN, although after rereading it I can see it sounds that way. I just wanted to know what specifically you wanted to discuss. My apologies for sounding so harsh.
Its ok I read it and it did sound like that but i quickly got over it. I understand more and more with the above replies. I believe I was not thinking about the whole picture because the way my aunt put it to outsiders was just far to nonchalant--she even threw her hand up and smiled and walked away. I think I was really traumatized by the event and having someone crack a smile over it sent me into a "why would you say something like that" kind of mode. But no worries your cool
RumNCoke...don't be angry at what other people want to say about your wonderful grandmother, just let it slide....remember, you got the best of them all, with the memories you have with her, and that's something no-one can ever take, or lie about to you....Lots of people prefer to just say she "passed away", maybe it's a generic easier to deal with term, I don't know, but let them say what they want, grandma wouldn't mind I'll bet, don't let the phoniness of the whole thing get to you....like WyoNewk so beautifully said "smile when you think of her".
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