No Super Bowl Party this year

[smilinpretty]

I remember reading in the 1920's when people died, the deceased body was layed in the parlor, for all the neighbors to pay tribute to the family, during this time food was brought over. It would be a week long event. Death was confronted and talked about.

When I was a small child, I attended furnerals, and one or two nights was viewing the body at the funeral home and next day furneral and after that a house would be open for everyone to gather and people would bring food.
It seemed people talked more about death in those days.

More and more people are being cremated, and there are people who do not want a ceremony, it is more impersonal these days, much different when I grew up.
I realize it is different times but I often wonder maybe people feel uncomfortable about talking about death, even many Doctors have a hard time consoling the family.

I would like to correct my post, that not all people are insensitive to others grief, they only react to what they know or feel comfortable with. This is just my own perception.

[Jude1948]

Think of the Irish wakes. My Bob was Irish. It was an excuse to drink, and the toasts to the dearly departed was more or less a celebration of the life.

[Jude1948]

Originally Posted by Keeper

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

I do understand how you feel as do others who post here. I think the biggest problem is that your friends and other people do not want to upset you or they just don't know what to say to you.

Maybe the SuperBowl party friends don't want you to be sad because they know how much you miss your DH.

I do not know why people can't understand that just caring that we are sad is not a bad thing.

Thanks Keeper, my son and I were just talking about this. You know these friends only see me up beat these days. I don't act sad around them. I will probably go to my older son's home for the day or to a movie. Either way I will be fine.

[kygman]

I know it's too late this year, but,if you had felt up to it with your son's help, I wonder how many of your husband's buddies would have come to a Super Bowl party at your house "in honor and memory of Bob" Even if he has passed away, Bob would have been there.
My mother died in March, about 2 weeks after her and my dad's 66th anniversary. Daddy kept getting calls, cards and people coming by all the time for several weeks afterward.

[mlb]

This is my first visit to this grief forum.

I've experienced alot of grief in my lifetime - losing my dad (another Irish Bob) and many many relatives and friends. Some well before their time.

You really do have to be good to yourself - and not expect anyone else to get it. Because they cannot know your sadness. Only you can know that. And for however long it takes to process it - you should. I know from experience that suppressing grief is not what you want to do - because when you least expect it - it will come back and bite you.

I also highly recommend -that if you're grief becomes inconsolable - that grief counseling is a wonderful thing. Sometimes those who have experienced the same depth of sadness are the best people to understand and invite in your life. They know it takes one step at a time....and they are willing to walk beside you.

Be well, Jude. Bob will be with you tomorrow and always. He is so much a part of you - you will never lose his spirit.

Peace.

[jeremy2788]

I am very sorry for your loss Jude.

I think it is very hard for other people to know how to react, just because they don't want to hurt you even further or make you miss the person you loss anymore than you already do. I don't think it is them not caring, but instead them trying to care and just doing it in the wrong way.

Edit: Sorry, I seemed to have missed the response from Keeper, as they pretty much already said what I was thinking.

[Jude1948]

Originally Posted by mlb

This is my first visit to this grief forum.

I've experienced alot of grief in my lifetime - losing my dad (another Irish Bob) and many many relatives and friends. Some well before their time.

You really do have to be good to yourself - and not expect anyone else to get it. Because they cannot know your sadness. Only you can know that. And for however long it takes to process it - you should. I know from experience that suppressing grief is not what you want to do - because when you least expect it - it will come back and bite you.

I also highly recommend -that if you're grief becomes inconsolable - that grief counseling is a wonderful thing. Sometimes those who have experienced the same depth of sadness are the best people to understand and invite in your life. They know it takes one step at a time....and they are willing to walk beside you.

Be well, Jude. Bob will be with you tomorrow and always. He is so much a part of you - you will never lose his spirit.

Peace.

Thank you mlb. I do attend a grief share group, and it is very helpful in addressing the issues we are all going thru. I did sit and watch the game by myself after I got home from my son's home. I am not a huge football fan. He is with me I know that much. I know he is steering me in the right direction at times when I need that extra boost.

[tngirl205]

Originally Posted by Jude1948

Thank you mlb. I do attend a grief share group, and it is very helpful in addressing the issues we are all going thru. I did sit and watch the game by myself after I got home from my son's home. I am not a huge football fan. He is with me I know that much. I know he is steering me in the right direction at times when I need that extra boost.

I was thinking of you yesterday Jude, hoping you were doing ok. I watched the game by myself as well. Now I AM a HUGE football fan. I'm sure your DH was watching there right along side of you.

I feel my husband's presence with me at all times. He gave me so much confidence when he was still alive, I'm sure your husband was the same way. We can take comfort that they live on in our hearts.

tngirl