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Ooh, sorry I misunderstood your "odd" comment, CA. Good Lord, if anyone has a right to feel "odd", wierd, angry, mad, sad, any feeling, YOU certainly do! I admire your strength and courage to keep going on.
Bluff, I didn't mean to imply we all "glorified" our spouses. I think I used "may be, maybe not" when I spoke of ""they" say"??? I don't think HERE we do. I think we "tell it as we remember", warts and all. Sorry if I offended anyone, I sure didn't mean to.
Tami...You didn't offend me...I've wondered if I'm putting a halo on my husband's head at times too...But in the end I feel like you do...I think we just had extraordinary husbands! (Even tho life wasn't a total "rose garden" every second of the day.) But the "good" and love and joy far outweighed a few "specks" here and there....Right?
So right, CA. We seemed to have hit "the jackpot" with our husbands. No beaters, druggies or leavers. Earl was an alkie but he came home every night and did not fool around with the plethera of women who saw him as I did, a "babe". He was quite handsome. Being on the barstool next to him most of the time and seeing women who weren't "regulars" come in and make the moves on him, I knew how attractive to women he was. Yep, I would not trade one single moment with him. He was "a keeper". With all the sad stories out there, I am happy to see other women who were truly happily married.
So right, CA. We seemed to have hit "the jackpot" with our husbands. No beaters, druggies or leavers. Earl was an alkie but he came home every night and did not fool around with the plethera of women who saw him as I did, a "babe". He was quite handsome. Being on the barstool next to him most of the time and seeing women who weren't "regulars" come in and make the moves on him, I knew how attractive to women he was. Yep, I would not trade one single moment with him. He was "a keeper". With all the sad stories out there, I am happy to see other women who were truly happily married.
No offense here either Tami. Your expierence hit upon something I hadn't realized and totally agree that we tend to remember the good times as opposed to the bad times. I would call that normal. IMHO
It seems to me that males are practical while females are emotional which is for a purpose. Often times we won't see eye to eye about issues. Again I think that is normal. IMO We just agree to disagree. LOL
My bad trait was that I was a workaholic which my wife didn't have an issue with. My son lost his first wife over the same trait. Many times my wife would bring me soup and a sandwich at 2 a.m. I always worked 2 or 3 businesses at the same time. I ran my own business, managed my moms two businesses, drive a school bus and taught vocational for 27 years, some of it at the same time. My wife taught elementry school for 36 years. Thats probably why our three kids were 7 years apart. LOL
Bluff...Just write when "spirit moves you" and it feels right..Thanks for caring. Glad you are doing better now...It is weird for me at times. My husband and sons and the rest of my family (and most of my cats too) are all on the other "side." And I'm "here" all by myself...I think all couples run into some "rough seas" at times. But what counts is how we choose to "weather" the "storms." Don't you think?
CA ... I totally agree with you. I didn't know I was going through a process until I started reading these posts and realized, YEAH, THATS ME!! I followed the same various levels that the other posters had stated. Tami told me I was pretty much normal so that helped.
For what you have been through, I think you are doing great!
Bluff..Thanks for writing. Great that you learned a lot from Tami and all the other wonderful people here...I didn't know much about grief until my parents passed-away in the 90's. I went out and bought a few books that helped me..One book described what I felt at the time to a "tee."...The book said that only children (especially) can end-up feeling like orphans when both their parents are gone...Another book discussed how spooky it can feel to suddenly be the oldest member (and generation) in a family...I had vertigo for 3 weeks after my Dad passed-away. (My husband had to help me get around.) I definitely felt "off-balance" without my parents because we always stayed close...Grief is definitely a process. And takes a lot of patience...Don't you think?.. There's no telling what kind of feelings might "pop-up" from day to day...I did great on Thanksgiving and made it through Christmas fairly well..Then I had to battle depression between Christmas and New Years. Of course my nearly 16 year old cat took a turn for the worst during this time. And ended-up dying on Jan. 15th...So I had to go through grief again.
Well, I don't have a husband but I have reinvented myself several times! I'm wondering how many more 'reinvents' I have in me as my son, a Senior, leaves for college at the end of this summer.
Every time I have moved (and I've done my fair share), I feel like I have 'reinveted' myself to some degree. I leared that there are 'do overs' and you can pretty much be whatever you create yourself to be.
One of the hardest re-inventions I had was when my son's father walked out. It was like a death but I got over and feel like I made a good life for my son and I - full of friends, family, and activities.
We moved to another state 3 years ago and I have no idea what I will do when he leaves. My entire life has been focused on him, revolved around him for the past 17 years.
I'm trying to make sure I stay connected with friends during this busy time; I have a feeling I'm really going to need them!
Thanks for letting me vent.
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