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I thought it would be nice to start a thread where we can "pay tribute" to our loved ones. What do you think?...Yesterday I had to drive 72 miles (each way) for jury duty in a neighboring town. (Our county seat.)...Most of the drive was through open desert so I had a lot of time to "think."...I thought about all the "driving tips" I learned from my husband through the years... He lived all over the country and was a "pro" at driving in all kinds of weather and conditions etc...I thought about all I learned from both of my sons too...What were some of the special things you learned from your loved ones?...How did they "enrich" your life? What traits and qualities did you admire the most about them?
One of the things I always admired about my husband is the way he "gave" to himself. (And "gave" to others.)...Lately I've been "making" myself go back to sleep if I wake-up in the wee hours...This is something my husband would do. He didn't want to "cheat himself" out of needed sleep. (If he could help it!)...He felt that he was "worth" going the "extra mile" or two. And he made chores (and most everything he did) fun and pleasureable for himself...So I've turned over a "new leaf" and I'm trying to be kinder and nicer and "more loving" to myself too...I don't have to "play Cinderella" and live in a dungeon just because everyone died! It's senseless to "punish" myself!...My husband taught me so many wonderful lessons during our time together. And the main lesson was how to make life fun and "worth living!"
I think for my late partner he taught me generosity. He was a generous person in various ways (not just the monetary way), generous of spirit, and I tended to be 'cheap'.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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CA, I got jury duty, but fortunately called, and there was no trial. It was Federal jury duty in Tucson, but I'm only 8 miles away, so I didn't mind the summons but glad I didn't have to serve.
One thing my husband was was forgiving. I am not that good at forgiving. It came easily to him. If he was wronged, he'd be hurt, but he'd find it in his heart to forgive. He didn't forget, but he always gave 2nd and 3rd chances. He did have a point where he'd say "enough" if someone were always taking advantage of him, or treating him really badly (one of our kids, mostly). I am trying to be more accepting and forgiving, but it is really difficult for me. I hold grudges for a loooonnngg time.
CA, I got jury duty, but fortunately called, and there was no trial. It was Federal jury duty in Tucson, but I'm only 8 miles away, so I didn't mind the summons but glad I didn't have to serve.
One thing my husband was was forgiving. I am not that good at forgiving. It came easily to him. If he was wronged, he'd be hurt, but he'd find it in his heart to forgive. He didn't forget, but he always gave 2nd and 3rd chances. He did have a point where he'd say "enough" if someone were always taking advantage of him, or treating him really badly (one of our kids, mostly). I am trying to be more accepting and forgiving, but it is really difficult for me. I hold grudges for a loooonnngg time.
Earl was a more forgiving person than I am too, Marcy. I am a grudge holder too. I am working on that all the time.
Thanks for your responses!...I don't hold grudges (per se) but I can really drive myself "crazy" trying to figure out what "went wrong" when a relationship doesn't work-out or last, etc...I try (hard) to look at things from all "sides." (And be as objective as possible.)...I don't like "unsolved mysteries" very much! I want to know "what happened" and "why."...For some reason it's all super important to me...And I can see that I am "cheap" with myself at times. It's usually easier for me to be generous with others than with myself...But I'm trying to learn how to be more "giving" and loving to myself too. (Bit by bit anyway!)
My husband taught me how to shop for clothes, how to shoot a gun, how to fish, how to boat. He taught me how to cook and he taught me how to look for the good in people. Hardly anyone upset him. He taught me how not to worry so much, I use to get this 2 ton worry wart, always anticipating the worse. I taught my husband the virtues of saving money, how to make money and how home ownership was important. I was never a grudge holder but after things happened over and over again with his sons, I was cautious with them and so was he.
Thankfully I can say I've not lost my mate yet....but my grandmother taught me to be kind and caring (she was) and that there's a "silver lining" in all that goes wrong...she was a tolerant, interesting person, and she absolutely had enough love to give to all her grandchildren..I will always remember her as a very easy going, mild mannered sweetheart who would do whatever she could to help others.
Empathy. I try anyway. My late wife seemed to just get into the minds of others and understand them better than they understood themselves. Everyone who knew her well would say that about her. People just spilled their guts to her. She had a way of projecting what others felt and would often put it into poetry. I hope this is okay, to post a poem of hers in tribute to her and to all mothers. It's one of the last she wrote.
Mother's Day
She strains to hear the whisper of his footsteps on the stair;
She smiles in fond remembrance, for, of course, he isn't there.
Her heart recalls each moment in a life of pain and joy,
Times of wonder, love and laughter... times she spent with him, her boy.
She stirs her tea and wishes she could hear his voice again,
Her chubby, lively toddler who has joined the world of men.
But he's all grown up now, busy, locked into another life,
With two children, and a mortgage, and a just-as-busy wife.
She peers out through the curtains, feeling pain that goes down deep,
And she yearns to call her husband, but decides to let him sleep.
The photo album beckons; as she turns each well-worn page,
And reflects on crack-edged snapshots of the boy at every age,
She can feel his little hand in hers, can hear his piping song...
Slumber taps her on the shoulder, and she drifts and dreams along.
Then, into the lonely silence drops a bell-tone, loud and clear,
And her tired heart blooms with gladness as he calls to her, "I'm here!"
With his lovely wife and children, he has come to pay a call
To the woman who adored him from the time that he was small.
As the little ones shout, "Grandma!", and she stoops to hug them tight,
Tiny arms reach out to warm her, making everything all right.
Then the kitchen fills with laughter; Grandpa comes to have some pie,
And the grownups sip their coffee, sharing tales of days gone by.
Her grandson plays, contented, near her time-worn kitchen chair.
Her trembling hand rests gently on the softness of his hair.
She gazes at her son, then; tears dance brightly in his eyes,
And he says, "That was my favorite place when I was just his size."
The night creeps up; the children have to be in school tomorrow.
She hates to see them leave, and yet she feels no pain or sorrow.
With smiling eyes and lifted heart, she sends them on their way
As her son, his arms around her, whispers, "Happy Mother's Day."
That was beautiful, Wyo. Brought nice tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing the work of your dear late wife. (((hugs)))
tami
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