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Sadly, I have had several friends over the years deal with suicide - two with their teenaged children, two with spouses.
The awful part is - often family members are experiencing so many conflicting emotions, trying to deal with the shock and typically anger that their loved one would choose suicide . . . and sometimes, guilt (thinking - I should have known, I should have done something, etc).
I think simply showing up and saying "I am so sorry you are going through this" with sincerity -- and then finding out what you can do to help in any way (food, errands, baby sitting, making phone calls, whatever) is the best approach. I found that my friends often needed someone to talk to in order to sort out all they were feeling.
I would bet that your just being there will mean so much . . .
Maybe others will have more insightful advice, but I don't think you can go wrong with simply showing that you care what your friend is going through.
I am sorry your friend is dealing with this, Sandy.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Being there is the most important. Too many people don't know how to react to someone who's lost a loved one, whatever the reason, that they stay away. People who have lost loved ones need their friends more than anything, so just be there. You don't have to say anything, just be the shoulder for her to lean on, and the ear to listen if she wants to talk.
Yup, all of the above...listening, after you say how sorry....
Calling weeks later, they will still need to get it out...they have so much to say.
Nothing really can be said to comfort them...maybe later if they are grappling with,
"Is he alright or is he still suffering, is he in hell...why doesn't he come to me in a dream...?"
It's so awful.
Often people forget after the first couple weeks they still are in so much pain.
Then, if they are alone...oh boy...are they eating, are they drinking, are they bathing? Etc....bring a dish in case.
So so sorry.
Yup, all of the above...listening, after you say how sorry....
Calling weeks later, they will still need to get it out...they have so much to say.
Nothing really can be said to comfort them...maybe later if they are grappling with,
"Is he alright or is he still suffering, is he in hell...why doesn't he come to me in a dream...?"
It's so awful.
Often people forget after the first couple weeks they still are in so much pain.
Then, if they are alone...oh boy...are they eating, are they drinking, are they bathing? Etc....bring a dish in case.
So so sorry.
Yes this ^^^^ is so right . I went through this actually I had a friend she and I were both in our 30's and her husband was 27 and he commited suicide . I went to her house and she was in bad shape she was in her robe and her pajamas and she looked like she had not combed or brushed her hair , had not bathed and her fridge was empty . she looked like a zombie I immediately called her mother to come to her house . we managed to get her fed , bathed and her mom took her to the beauty shop . This was almost 6 months after he had commited suicide you have to keep up with them or they will fall by the wayside . I sure hope that people remember this .
Keep initiating contact after Friday even if you tell your friend to let you know if she needs help. Many people who are grieving are shy about asking, or may not even realize they could use the help.
All good advice from everyone. Just let the person know that you are sorry and are there for them with whatever they need. Check in on them after the funeral and related events are finished. The hardest times are when life goes back to normal for everyone else and you are left to pick up the pieces of your life in a different way now. It is a very lonely, empty feeling. Sometimes people can't handle it and if you are in the person's life - you may be in a position to get them the right kind of help, if help is needed beyond the comfort of friendship and what the family can provide.
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