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My loved one died by suicide on Jan 7th 2009 when I was 24 years old. It has been more than four years for me and obviously I don't go through the roller coaster of emotions anymore. But I still think about him from time to time.
I have moved on to another meaningful relationship and the guy I am dating is very understanding. I still cry when I think about my loved one (boyfriend). I wonder how long does grief last? Am I going to feel like this for the rest of my life?
Do you have similar experiences to share? Thank you.
Also, my grief counselor told me that I will learn from my experience and become a more compassionate, caring, kind, loving person. I have to say that I become more and more intolerant of people's stupidity, insensitive remarks, and lack of emotions toward another human being. I think I become a more angry person.
What does grief teach you? Do you think you've become a better person because you have lost somebody you loved dearly? I am very confused.
OP I lost my soon to be wife and unborn child in 91 due to a drunk driver. I loved her so much. Lily grief has its own time limit, there is no healty timelimit. Sometimes when i think i have healed and moved on, small things will blindside me, like a song or someone wearing her brand of perfume, and i will cry like i did b4. Loss and death taught me to rely on my spiritual beliefs and to be greatful for small things in life, my native ppl believe death is just a next step, and our love ones are always walking beside us, I sometimes feel Wendy when im not stuck in my head or being selfish. Sorry for your loss lily. What helps me when i get into dark despair is to pray, then go find someone who i can help. that really gets me out of my head Aho. hope that helps?
I am not sure you ever get over it. They say time heals all wounds. I think it does to a point but you never forget. I lost my sister to suicide 5 years ago. Found her after 4 days of an apparent intentional overdose. Not a pretty sight. On the bright side, her Maltese was by her side(4 days with no food or water) and he survived and now it a part of my family. Prayers to both of you for your losses.
I am not sure you ever get over it. They say time heals all wounds. I think it does to a point but you never forget. I lost my sister to suicide 5 years ago. Found her after 4 days of an apparent intentional overdose. Not a pretty sight. On the bright side, her Maltese was by her side(4 days with no food or water) and he survived and now it a part of my family. Prayers to both of you for your losses.
Thank you so much. I am sorry to hear about your loss.
It really is not easy being a suicide survivor. I feel I cannot even grieve like a regular folk because obviously, there is still gross stigma associated with that word "suicide".
Thank you so much. I am sorry to hear about your loss.
It really is not easy being a suicide survivor. I feel I cannot even grieve like a regular folk because obviously, there is still gross stigma associated with that word "suicide".
You are in my thoughts and my prayers. Take care.
I have probably heard the same kinds of things you hear. Why would someone kill themselves? Well, unless you are close to someone who has done this it is hard to relate. Now I am VERY careful about the people I tell this to. People can be cruel and don't understand depression or addiction. I try to remember the good times about my sister. I am sure you have wonderful memories. Hold on to those. It has gotten me through some of my own depression and tough times.
Mahalo kind nani japanese hapa wahine. My alohas go out to you lily. Whats done is done no choice but to accept and move on or be consumed by darkness and grief. What i hope you understand lily is, no matter what you may think u could of done to prevent it, you couldn't. And its not your fault. To many ppl suffer from survivors guilt. Lily your an awsome, gorgeous, inteligent younglady. Please be good to yourself. Keep you in prayers.
Suicide is in a class by itself and is much harder for most people to come to grips with. My dad committed suicide. Because I also struggle with depression and have actually been hospitalized for suicidal depression in the past, I was able to understand what happened more than anyone else probably could. Depression is like heart disease - sometimes it is fatal. I got that from a doctor - a psychiatrist who works with depression. Instead of the heart not working right, the brain doesn't work right. Depressed people are not rational. The reality is different. And it's almost impossible to understand if you haven't been there. And I get that. I think it's helpful to remember that mental illness is just that - an illness. Perhaps it would help if you learned a bit about severe depression - it could give you some context and insight. The pain doesn't go away but it helps to understand what happened and why. Also to understand that this wasn't your fault. And understand that your loved one wasn't trying to hurt you or anyone else - but only that their brain didn't work right an it cost them their life.
As for grief, I lost my mom rather suddenly a few months ago. We were extremely close. Some days I wish I'd get hit by a bus and just get it over with. Some days I want to scream that nothing matters anymore. How can we go about our day to day lives like nothing happened????? I get mad because I'm so strained and drained emotionally. I'm tired and sad. I break down at unexpected times. I have dreams. I've lost a lot of weight. I want to be alone a lot. The list goes on and on. One thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that my mom wanted me to go on - to find happiness, to live. So I try to do it for her. I think compassion and empathy do grow in us as a result - we understand the pain others go through when we are in pain or have gone through similar pain. Sometimes, when I'm having to deal with someone who is less than pleasant, I try to remember that I have no idea what is happening in that person's life, what challenges and pain they might be facing. It helps me remember to be kind. To try to be gentle with myself and with others. *hugs*
my husband died in 2003 and some years around the anniversary i do ok but this year is especially difficult compared to the last couple of years. no one has the right to tell you that you're wrong when it hurts. there will be times when the wave of grief, anger, why...all hit you again. it's ok for this to happen. i've not remarried because he was the only true love i've experienced. i was 40 yrs old and my children were 10 and 17. my son was with me when we found my husband/his dad. seeing what had happened has had a traumatic, living changing effect on my son. he's angry very often and i've tried to get him to a counselor like i did with my daughter, but my son will not go.
the grief won't always be as bad as i'm feeling today. even mine has passed into something else....like you said, compassion. i wanted to help other widows and i did. i was even in touch with depressed people around the country for a while who were suicidal. it became too much for me after a while and i had to stop. it's great that you have a grief counselor. i should but i don't.
you're allowed to live again and still remember the one you loved. they would want you to so do it and never feel guilty!
It really is not easy being a suicide survivor. I feel I cannot even grieve like a regular folk because obviously, there is still gross stigma associated with that word "suicide".
My father took his life when he was 80 years old. My mother and he had been happily married for over 50 years and were each other's best friend. Nobody saw it coming. Suicide is complicated. But ...
I cannot tell you how proud I was of my mother and how she handled it: she taught me a lot.
I flew to her side, and it was only the next day when I heard her on the phone - only her side of the conversation. There was quiet as she was listening, and then she said, "Actually - he committed suicide."
Turns out in the community people were dancing around the truth and Mom was having none of it. When I told her how remarkable it was, she was, she said, "Why? It's the truth. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
Mom was so secure in herself, in her husband, and had nothing to hide. My father was well-known in his community, a leader, and highly respected. This did not, in Mom's view, tarnish anything. It was inexplicable to her why he did what he did, and we spent obviously much time discussing it. He had a bout of uncharacteristic depression, and perhaps even the thought/fear he had Alzheimer's, but that one decision was not going to make her ashamed, or concerned about what others might think, nor should it you.
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@lily
