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I suppose it is hard to understand. It is not wrong to commit suicide though. Those of you with anger towards a person that you've lost to suicide should not be angry at all but instead should be happy that the person you've lost no longer has to endure the pain, anguish and frustration involved with living their life.
When a person is tortured day in and day out by their mind and/or nervous system, suicide becomes a way out, an option or an opportunity to be released from the pain. Anyone who does not suffer from mental illness probably will never understand. It would be like a woman trying to explain to a man what it is like to have a vagina or a Lion trying to explain to a dog what it is like to be a Lion.
The reason most people don't know about their loved ones death wish is because it is a feeling that is very private. You would not tell your friends or family all of the loving, caring intimate things you and your lover say to each other during love making and similarly, people with suicidal thoughts are not going to share their plans or feelings about suicide.
For those of you that would like to understand, just try and imagine/appreciate the extreme amount of emotional and sensory pain that a person that is suicidal must endure on a daily basis for them to want to take their own life. To say it another way, that person is in sooooooo much pain that they are willing to commit the ultimate, no going back, no do over, no second thoughts, no second chances action of taking their own life. I want you (the person reading this post) to think about the amount of pain (physical or emotional) you would be willing to endure before you took your own life and imagine someone living with a psychological version of that pain every single day. Do you know how hard it is to go to work every day and be productive when you have mental health issues??? Do you know how hard it is to even get out of bed in the morning when you have mental health issues??
Great post. I recently lost someone very close to me in this way. She had a history of depression and was in a very bad way in the final months. Everyone felt helpless, all we could hope was for her to hold on. She couldn't. I have never been angry with her for making that choice. She left a kind note absolving everyone and assuring us that we had kept her alive longer than she wanted to be, and she recognized our efforts to help her. I know she is happy and content now in a way she never was in life. And I am looking forward to seeing her that way in the next life.
One thing I read that made sense to me... people who choose suicide are not often thinking of it as an easy exit or way to die, but as a chance to seize control over the chaos they feel.
Go to the park and plant a tree for your friend to celebrate the time you had together.
Suicide is a VERY difficult thing to talk about. There are a lot of very strong emotions attached to it and not all mesh. But your article does a good job of touching on the topic of depression. Anyone who thinks depression is not a mental ILLNESS doesn't know depression at all. I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
Only one poster has discussed that article, which I found to be superbly well-written, haunting, and inexpressibly sad. The part of it which is especially gut-wrenching is that the woman who took her own life had two daughters who were 10 and 12 at the time. One would think that she would want to spare them that pain. Perhaps she did want to but her own pain was more than she could bear. It's a great mystery, and an impossibility to understand what is going on in someone else's mind.
I have always thought that the most difficult loss would be to lose a child, whether to suicide or to another cause. We expect to bury our parents, but not our children. To stand by and watch parents going through such a loss is terrible, but certainly it is not one one-hundredth of the pain that the parents themselves are going through.
I have two very dear friends, a married couple about my own age, who lost their only child, a daughter, to suicide when she was in her 20's. In that case, the girl had been deeply troubled for years - drug problems, etc. While it was a horrible shock when it happened, it was not totally out of the blue.
The OP's dog park friend was one of the "no warning signs at all" suicides, so difficult to understand, so incredible to all those who knew him, from his wife to his friends at the dog park. I'm so glad there is a forum where people such as the OP (as well as others who have told of their losses here) can post.
Folks, I'm going to ask again that we hold this conversation more to the emotional side and the GRIEF associated with suicide. Discussion about the "whys", including mental health or statistics, personal choices, etc., is for another forum. I'm very sorry, as I do feel this is important to talk about - still and all, this forum was created for those who are grieving to try and get some closure with the support of their friends on C-D, not as a forum for open debate. Thank you.
I am a person that can get angry and even think " fine I will never talk to you again" then 5 minutes later the anger has blown over and we are talking again and I have forgiven maybe not forgotten but yes forgiven what ever you did to make me angry. to me to walk around angry at some one feels like I have just handed that person the power to control how I feel and I will not ever do that!
That's exactly what it's like to live in a narcissistic household. You get so jaded, you feel everyone is like that, and find out there is truth to it. As a country song said "everyone has thorns." You keep throwing your hand on the cactus like it's a good time, you'll never learn. In my case, I never learned until it was too late.
Can't believe it's the middle of the night, I came back to the forum to talk about my brother's suicide. Last time I logged on was 5 years ago when my dog was dying. Everyone helped me through that with such love and genuine interest. I recognize some names from back then...like Dashdog and Sam I Am. Back tonight guys, unable to sleep, in a dream-like slow motion "tell me it isn't real" state. Got a call some 4 hours ago from the California local sheriff that they found my only brother in a hotel room dead. He didn't check out of his room on time, so by 1:00 they went to check the room. There he was, I'll spare you the method, but he's gone. I'm so sad for him, and mad at him. A guy who was depressed for sure, but gave no inclination at all that he was near this type of desperation. The guilt I'm feeling...did he suffer? Why didn't I see it coming? I have to somehow tell my 84 year old mother tomorrow that her only son is gone. He was 52, 3 years older than me, his little sister. I'm sick, my stomach is doing flip flops, feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. God help us all who have been left behind from suicide. Please pray for our family tonight. My brother Mitch was not a religious man, he never found the love the Lord has for him while he was on this earth. I only hope he has found it now. Peace
Can't believe it's the middle of the night, I came back to the forum to talk about my brother's suicide. Last time I logged on was 5 years ago when my dog was dying. Everyone helped me through that with such love and genuine interest. I recognize some names from back then...like Dashdog and Sam I Am. Back tonight guys, unable to sleep, in a dream-like slow motion "tell me it isn't real" state. Got a call some 4 hours ago from the California local sheriff that they found my only brother in a hotel room dead. He didn't check out of his room on time, so by 1:00 they went to check the room. There he was, I'll spare you the method, but he's gone. I'm so sad for him, and mad at him. A guy who was depressed for sure, but gave no inclination at all that he was near this type of desperation. The guilt I'm feeling...did he suffer? Why didn't I see it coming? I have to somehow tell my 84 year old mother tomorrow that her only son is gone. He was 52, 3 years older than me, his little sister. I'm sick, my stomach is doing flip flops, feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. God help us all who have been left behind from suicide. Please pray for our family tonight. My brother Mitch was not a religious man, he never found the love the Lord has for him while he was on this earth. I only hope he has found it now. Peace
I know others will be joining me in extending our sincerest condolances and our deepest sympathy on the horrible shock of this sudden devastating news. How terrible that in addition to the other burdens you have to tell your mother. Please post again if you feel it will help you.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your brother, Gailblaze. My heart hurts for you this morning. May the Lord give you strength as you tell your Mom. You KNOW logically that there was nothing you could have done or known if he didn't want you to. Please don't beat yourself up. I know, easier said than done. Been there, done that but I hope those thoughts don't last too long for you. God Bless you and your Mom and everyone else that this horrible situation will touch. We are here for you.
Gailblaze, I am so sorry to hear about your brother and do not envy you having to be the one to tell your mother. I hope that goes as well as it can but imagine it will be very difficult for her. I will say a prayer for your family and be sending you cyber hugs.You have my deepest sympathies.
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to me to walk around angry at some one feels like I have just handed that person the power to control how I feel and I will not ever do that!
Brother's suicide
