suicide, you never know what another is really thinking

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by Escort Rider

Only one poster has discussed that article, which I found to be superbly well-written, haunting, and inexpressibly sad. The part of it which is especially gut-wrenching is that the woman who took her own life had two daughters who were 10 and 12 at the time. One would think that she would want to spare them that pain. Perhaps she did want to but her own pain was more than she could bear. It's a great mystery, and an impossibility to understand what is going on in someone else's mind.

I read an article last year--I think it was in a copy of Vogue--I was waiting for my car to be serviced and so I don't have it.

The author was a woman who was married and had three children. Her daughter, who was only about three, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The little girl died about two years later. The woman was unable to cope with her grief, went into a severe depression and tried to commit suicide. She was hospitalized for a couple of years before finally beginning to get better after ECT. Meanwhile, her husband was left alone to care for their remaining young sons. He was very angry at her for putting her illness on him and leaving him to parent alone while he was also grieving for their daughter. The author said it took time, but he agreed to try to repair the marriage and they were back together after she was released from the hospital.

One thing she said really stuck with me. It was along the lines of "From where I am now, I can see how someone could view my desire to end my life as selfish, that I wasn't thinking of my husband or my other children. However, at the time of my suicide attempt and hospitalization, I was not CAPABLE of even having such a thought. The only thing I could think of was how to find a way to end the pain."

[lastwomanstanding]

Thank you for posting. Sorry about your loss. How sad especially for his wife.

[Dashdog]

mightyqueen. I think that sentence hits the nail on the head in most cases, thanks for sharing

[CArizona]

My cousin took her own life in her early 20's and she had a 3 year old daughter. (She was divorced at the time.)...My cousin left a sad "apology note" for her daughter...I didn't see my cousin very often because we lived 6 to 7 hours away from each other...Her family didn't "do emotions" or talk about feelings very often. Somehow they connected feelings with being "weak." (Or admitting to having problems.)...Early in life my cousin developed a "tough outer-shell" and it was hard to "reach her." I'm sure she viewed me as a "sissy" for having feelings...My cousin took a gun and shot herself in the middle of the desert. Someone found her and took her to the hospital...My parents and other family members hoped she would get some counseling. But her Mother wouldn't hear of it and insisted that she just had an "accident." She got mad if anyone brought-up suicide...About 8 months later my cousin overdozed on pills combined with alcohol. (And died this time.) She left the suicide note for her daughter. But her Mom still called it an "accident."...My cousin's daughter drove off a cliff and died in her early 20's too. It was all so sad.

[Spikett]

Originally Posted by CArizona

My cousin took her own life in her early 20's and she had a 3 year old daughter. (She was divorced at the time.)...My cousin left a sad "apology note" for her daughter...I didn't see my cousin very often because we lived 6 to 7 hours away from each other...Her family didn't "do emotions" or talk about feelings very often. Somehow they connected feelings with being "weak." (Or admitting to having problems.)...Early in life my cousin developed a "tough outer-shell" and it was hard to "reach her." I'm sure she viewed me as a "sissy" for having feelings...My cousin took a gun and shot herself in the middle of the desert. Someone found her and took her to the hospital...My parents and other family members hoped she would get some counseling. But her Mother wouldn't hear of it and insisted that she just had an "accident." She got mad if anyone brought-up suicide...About 8 months later my cousin overdozed on pills combined with alcohol. (And died this time.) She left the suicide note for her daughter. But her Mom still called it an "accident."...My cousin's daughter drove off a cliff and died in her early 20's too. It was all so sad.

That's terrible! A perfect storm for a depression sufferer - no feelings/emotions and denial. So very sad. I don't know what to say - your poor cousin.

[CArizona]

Spikett..Thanks for your caring post about my cousin. I felt "responsible" for her death for many years...I wondered if things might have been different if my Grandma and other relatives paid more attention to my cousin when she was growing-up. For some reason everyone treated me as the "favorite" even though I didn't want special treatment...I used to "bug" my Grandma and others to "give more" to my cousin. But it didn't work...They got defensive and mad at me and insisted that they treated all the grandkids "the same."...I carried a "heavy burden" and a lot of guilt (around) for years when my cousin took her own life..Finally (at some point) I gave myself credit for "trying."...And her death involved "conditions" in her "immediate family" most of all. She tried to be "perfect" and "played soldier" to "please" her Mom. (Who never wanted to hear about problems or "troubling feelings.") Really sad!